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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    Wouldn't having a filter between your brain and your mouth be a good thing, though?
    Yeah, a decent filter. I was very introverted, objective, abstract, and unknowledgeable of social norms as a kid. I kept what I should've said to myself, and said the things which could piss someone off proper, and did. Which is part of the reason that for some, I don't recommend "just getting out there and meeting people!" I learned mostly through observation how to "behave," but I still have nowhere near the skill of the typical ESFP, say, of the same age. (ESFPs generally know what to say to be polite, though they may choose not to.)

  2. #12
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I'm beginning to come out of my shell, I don't know what changed. But I think being forced to take care of issues by calling helped alot. Though I will still say I'm an introvert because though I often feel fine now around large groups of people I find my self yawning about an hour or two in and just needing to find a quiet spot. It doesn't matter how exciting what is going on I eventually need to just find some quiet place for 5 minutes just to absorb everything. the 5 minutes is minimal just so I don't become cranky and end up hurting a bunch of people. I also found having a book for those 5 minutes help.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  3. #13
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    I was never into myself much or how I relate to other people. I was until the late age of 20 living in my own conceptual world that was in many ways not related to anything from the real world.

    People tend to like me, I have never had any problems with anyone and I today mainly can say that this was partly because I just did not care about anyone. I wa snot egoistic or something, I just did have no intrest in people's feelings, opinions, how they tick or whatsoever. The same was with myself, I had no intrest. (But issues !)

    In the age of 21 I started to smoke some pot for like one year and combined with my small grasp on reality, I lost it completly. By this time people were starting to think of me being strange and I got more and more involved into finding out, who I am and what I am doing wrong.

    It took me a long way until today to reach a new form of stability again. I have destroyed in the process of becoming an adult, the way I tend to see the world. I even cant remember what it was like when I was a kid.

    Today I have a new and good form of stability. I understand more of myself and other people and this gives me a good base to operate from in society. Maybe in MBTI means the whole thing can be understood as a development of the Ti function.

    When I was a kid, besides the lack of intrest, a very great lack of intrest in reality at all, there was. I am just glad I was cared good for and left alone by people, otherwise my way would have been different.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I'm not sure I understand your post. You're saying that your friend's methods were in general bad (and I get the feeling that you wouldn't recommend them for others), but at the same time you're saying that they sort-of worked (albeit in an indirect way). So is the moral of your story that the bombardment method does work? Or that it doesn't usually, but that your particular circumstances were such that everything turned out favorably in the end?
    No, their methods didn't work in any way at all, I thought I made that quite clear - their methods caused me to almost have a total breakdown and isolate myself more than ever before, for a long time. I can't think how that could be construed as me saying they were in any way, directly or indirectly, successful!!

    There isn't a moral of my story lol I'm not trying to say what always does or doesn't work. Unless the moral is that whilst some things work for some people, those same things can be disastrous when applied to people for whom they're not suited. But I wasn't really trying to impress a moral so much as asking for other people's experiences.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    I don't entirely understand either. The "shell" is what, staying home by yourself? Or not being open with people or talking, or what?
    At the time "the shell" was quite simply that I a) avoided contact with other people wherever possible and b) if unavoidable, I never spoke, rebutted any approaches or friendly overtures, and just felt incredibly anxious and panicky any time anyone spoke to me. Even immediate family.

    But I'm not here just to talk about my experience. I'm sure that many other people have been told they need to "come out of their shell", and I'm just interested in the various methods others might've used to achieve this in someone, or that they've used to achieve it in themselves, and their responses, etc... IOW I'm just exploring the subject generally, and my story was just by way of 'sharing first'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    Wouldn't having a filter between your brain and your mouth be a good thing, though?
    Not always. My problem used to be that I had a filter that was all too stringent. IOW I just never said any damn thing. I had to learn to actually take that filter off and be able to RISK sounding stupid, or whatever it was i feared might happen if I spoke in any given situation, in order to actually have any relationship with human beings at all besides a mobile piece of furniture!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  5. #15
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Oh.

    I guess I don't have this sort of shell, then.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    Oh.

    I guess I don't have this sort of shell, then.
    so what sort do you have then, if any?
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  7. #17
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    I really don't want people using my personal experience as a model for "the sort of thing I'm looking for", firstly because the reason for my anxiety was unique-ish, and therefore not applicable in most cases (gender identity crisis?), and secondly, because all I'm looking for is for people to share their own experiences in the arena of a) being told you're in a shell and b) coming out of it, successfully or unsuccessfully, and c) the various methods used to achieve this.

    if it's a thought you have, triggered by these phrases, then it's relevant and what I'm looking for.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  8. #18
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    so what sort do you have then, if any?
    It's very difficult to convince me to get out because I'm usually convinced that I don't have time (even though I usually do). Also there's that whole matter of if I have to get something done in a group I tend to take over and people... don't like it. At all. By the time the group gets to over five people in size I generally stay in the background and work quietly, figuring that I can't say anything that won't automatically be shot down by people who really honestly don't care for anything I say just because of the way I say it.

    I guess I generally don't talk much unless somebody talks to me first, but... that definitely doesn't sound like what you're talking about.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  9. #19
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I don't think that anybody can be brought out of his/her shell without his/her willingness to do so, and ability. So, basically, to give an example: if I am a good dancer, and socially unhinibited, but a bit shy to approach a girl, then if I'm pushed to dance with the girl everything will end up well, because it's only a small step required.
    If I'm a shitty dancer, socially anxious, and shy to approach a girl, then if I'm pushed to dance with the girls I will just look stupid and reinforce the positive feedback mechanism that ends in social isolation.

    As far as myself goes, I think that I have gotten a lot better at getting along with people as I became older. I've always been very extraverted, a bit to the point of annoyance sometimes, but I could easily piss people off in an unitended way. Nowadays I still piss people off, but purposefully
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    if I am a good dancer, and socially unhinibited, but a bit shy to approach a girl, then if I'm pushed to dance with the girl everything will end up well, because it's only a small step required.
    If I'm a shitty dancer, socially anxious, and shy to approach a girl, then if I'm pushed to dance with the girls I will just look stupid and reinforce the positive feedback mechanism that ends in social isolation.
    EXACTLY!!!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

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