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  1. #1
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Default What is Your Communication Mode?

    From http://elfwreck.homecircle.org/stuph/VSD_Basics.pdf

    3. Satir Modes
    These 5 communication modes were first described by Virginia Satir in her book Peoplemaking.

    Blamer: This mode comes out of a need to feel powerful. Blamers act like they are in charge, and
    whatever's wrong must be somebody else's fault. Blamer-mode communication often sounds angry.
    "Why are you ALWAYS DOING things like THAT?" or "Only an IDIOT would leave the door open on
    a hot day like today."


    Placater: This comes out of a wish to avoid conflict, and a fear that everyone will abandon the speaker.
    Placaters insist that things are all their own fault, and that they'll go along with whatever the other person says.
    Placater-mode sounds frightened and desperate.
    "Oh, you know I don't mind. WhatEVER you decide is okay with me" or "WHY do these things always
    happen to ME?


    Computer: This comes out of a fear of showing one's real feelings. Computers try to avoid saying "I",
    and sound very formal.
    "That is a perfectly normal reaction to this crisis" or "One must remember always to close containers
    after they have been opened."


    Distracter: This is a confused blend of other modes. Distracters are panicked, and jump between modes.
    "Don't you talk to ME like that, young lady! I'm sure any rational person would be calm right now.
    Please, just settle down; I'll be quiet if you will, okay?"


    Leveler: This is just what it sounds like—someone who's telling the straight truth about their thoughts
    and feelings. However, there are phony levelers, who've learned to act like they're being truthful and telling just
    their plain feelings; these are the hardest to spot, and the most dangerous. (Tony's statement in the sample story
    is an example of phony leveling.)
    "I hate it when you tap your pencil like that" or "I'd rather skip the movie and catch up with you later."
    "If you try to build something that is idiot-proof, the universe will build a better idiot."
    I'm an extrovert trapped within an introverted soul.
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  2. #2
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    I find the Distracter to be the most interesting and even effective at times. I've worked with a Distracter before. He was great at distracting the owner's attention.

    For example, the owner came up to him one day going off about another employee. This employee came recommended by the Distracter. So the Distracter went into a long discourse about how great that employee is and how such-and-such employee did this and another employee did that. By the time he was finished, the "bad" employee looked wonderful, and the owner bought the whole story.

    On the other hand, it didn't work out so well for the Distracter one day when he was pulled over by the police for something, and wasn't wearing his seat belt. He immediately pointed to a group of illegal immigrants riding by in the back of a pickup. The cop said, "That's their business."
    "If you try to build something that is idiot-proof, the universe will build a better idiot."
    I'm an extrovert trapped within an introverted soul.

  3. #3
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    I vascillate between computer and leveler the most.

  4. #4
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    Default

    I will have to leave it up to the forum to let me know what they think about me. I know i am not a Blamer for sure. I am kinda like the rest depending on situation, but not to that extreme.
    Im out, its been fun

  5. #5
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mal12345 View Post
    I find the Distracter to be the most interesting and even effective at times. I've worked with a Distracter before. He was great at distracting the owner's attention.

    For example, the owner came up to him one day going off about another employee. This employee came recommended by the Distracter. So the Distracter went into a long discourse about how great that employee is and how such-and-such employee did this and another employee did that. By the time he was finished, the "bad" employee looked wonderful, and the owner bought the whole story.

    On the other hand, it didn't work out so well for the Distracter one day when he was pulled over by the police for something, and wasn't wearing his seat belt. He immediately pointed to a group of illegal immigrants riding by in the back of a pickup. The cop said, "That's their business."
    That "not working out story" reminded me of getting pulled over. The cop tried to say a little kid just got hit by a person speeding. I looked over across a field with apartment complex on other side and said..."how did the kid make it all the way from their to here, doesnt sound like speeding was the issue."

    I would have agreed on a street where someone can just jump out. But we are talking a 50 yard open field.

    Cop agreed with me. I didnt fight ticket, i was speeding. But reasoning was pathetic and a cop out from the underlying issues.
    Im out, its been fun

  6. #6
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I'm sure I have done them all at some point. I think "leveler" is possibly what I have used the most.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe
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  7. #7
    Senior Member erg's Avatar
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    Leveler for me, although I might have engaged in Distracter for fun.

  8. #8
    ❆King Quirky Mayflower's Avatar
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    Yeah...Blamer sounds too familliar. Followed by Distracter.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Verona's Avatar
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    I used to be a constant Blamer. It is something I have worked on a lot and I think I am more Leveler now or sometimes Distractor.

  10. #10
    Egad! No bondage! Obfuscate's Avatar
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    i am a blend of distracter, leveler, and computer....
    "The vanity of intelligence is that the intelligent man is often more committed to 'one-upping' his opponent than being truthful. When the idea of intelligence, rather than intelligence itself, becomes a staple, there is no wisdom in it."
    Criss Jami

    "When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion."
    "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving."
    Dale Carnegie

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