User Tag List

First 23456 Last

Results 31 to 40 of 123

  1. #31
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    827 sp/so
    Posts
    20,122

    Default

    hey- I wouldn't have been able to get away with being able to behave like the little brats that I encounter in public every time I want some food to cook! I really have to wonder how parents can allow thier kids to behave like that- I certainly wasn't allowed to annoy strangers, or even make loud noises in public!
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #32
    heart on fire
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    8,457

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    hey- I wouldn't have been able to get away with being able to behave like the little brats that I encounter in public every time I want some food to cook! I really have to wonder how parents can allow thier kids to behave like that- I certainly wasn't allowed to annoy strangers, or even make loud noises in public!
    Yeah, I know. It's unreal. Of course my experiences haven't been in public places. Mine have been with friends children, in-laws and neighbors.

    I am also curious why Jeffster would put up the rolf icon to the idea that people who cannot handle children shouldn't have them. It's already been established that Jeffster isn't the kind of parent being discussed. So why be defensive about the indefensible?

    Shouldn't parents be expected to teach their offspring the most basic boundary respect? What's wrong with saying if they can't they need to keep those children at home until peer pressure at school alone finally forces the child into becoming more cognizant of normal human behavior?

  3. #33
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    Yin
    Enneagram
    One sx/sp
    Posts
    13,911

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    hey- I wouldn't have been able to get away with being able to behave like the little brats that I encounter in public every time I want some food to cook! I really have to wonder how parents can allow thier kids to behave like that- I certainly wasn't allowed to annoy strangers, or even make loud noises in public!
    Incidentally, I was allowed, and now I'm a very timid, introverted, and undemanding person... Maybe that's the trick! You have to let them vent it while they're kids.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


    _________________________________
    INTP. Type 1>6>5. sx/sp.
    Live and let live will just amount to might makes right

  4. #34
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    2,967

    Default

    I think that you are okay in not wanting to be grabbed at by others' children. That's offensive. And if the parents don't have sense enough to intervene, whatever, I don't see it as rude at all if you draw strong boundaries.

    I don't expect any sympathy, heart, for making a case for understanding of the situation a parent is in in public. And I don't expect you to understand the issue, being childfree. But as an NFP I am surprised that you wouldn't have more openness to an effort to understand the concept that children are really just little grown-ups. And like us, have a resistance to people telling them what to do.

    If a parent occasionlly administers a swift swat to the butt at home they may hesitate to do the same in public with the child abuse police always alert to misjudge such an act.

    It's a tricky thing to manage. Even the most dedicated parents make mistakes. I believe you are taking an extreme case scenario and not looking at all the gradations that exist.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  5. #35
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    2,967

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    Incidentally, I was allowed, and now I'm a very timid, introverted, and undemanding person... Maybe that's the trick! You have to let them vent it while they're kids.

    Hah! I had an older parent friend who once answered my question about this by saying, "You should let them win a few battles now and then in order to win the war."

    Turned out to be good advice.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  6. #36
    heart on fire
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    8,457

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    I don't expect any sympathy, heart, for making a case for understanding of the situation a parent is in in public. And I don't expect you to understand the issue, being childfree. But as an NFP I am surprised that you wouldn't have more openness to an effort to understand the concept that children are really just little grown-ups. And like us, have a resistance to people telling them what to do.
    First off, if those children were in truth "little grown-ups" they'd have proper judgment and they would respect others boundaries on their own. Just the fact that they are out of control and not respecting other people totally disproves your logic here.

    Basic child psychology doesn't support the idea that children are simply "little grown-ups" and in fact this is sort of a dangerous idea. Children need direction and teaching from adults. It's a birthright. Our growing brains become hardwired from the parenting (or lack of it)that we recieve. If a parent cannot provide this either out of disability or laziness they shouldn't have a child to begin with.

    Yes, there is Oppositional Definant Disorder but if you read about it, it comes about through emotional neglect.

    Being NFP doesn't mean that my mind is so open that I'll just accept any idea on it's face value because it feels good.

    If a parent occasionlly administers a swift swat to the butt at home they may hesitate to do the same in public with the child abuse police always alert to misjudge such an act.
    Is it really necessary to swat a child on the butt to teach basic good habits and manners? My sister never swatted her children and they had good manners. An in-law is constantly swatting at his children for every little thing in public and they act like monsters. At home, he's engrossed in the computer games and allows them to run wild. It's more about consistancy and overall habits. (This is the child who spat at the other table guests continually during a meal)

    It's a tricky thing to manage. Even the most dedicated parents make mistakes. I believe you are taking an extreme case scenario and not looking at all the gradations that exist.
    I was speaking more from my own experiences where parents are sitting there watching their child tear things up or refusing to take their boundry violations seriously. That's got nothing to do with dedicated parents making mistakes (love your extreme hyperboyle there!) it has to do with long-term, habitual outlook and parenting approach.

    ** Where in this discussion did you get that people were criticising occassional "mistakes" in "dedicated parents" ?

  7. #37
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Posts
    1,510

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    I think that you are okay in not wanting to be grabbed at by others' children. That's offensive. And if the parents don't have sense enough to intervene, whatever, I don't see it as rude at all if you draw strong boundaries.

    I don't expect any sympathy, heart, for making a case for understanding of the situation a parent is in in public. And I don't expect you to understand the issue, being childfree. But as an NFP I am surprised that you wouldn't have more openness to an effort to understand the concept that children are really just little grown-ups. And like us, have a resistance to people telling them what to do.

    If a parent occasionlly administers a swift swat to the butt at home they may hesitate to do the same in public with the child abuse police always alert to misjudge such an act.

    It's a tricky thing to manage. Even the most dedicated parents make mistakes. I believe you are taking an extreme case scenario and not looking at all the gradations that exist.
    This is one of the most noticeable differences between America and most, no all, other countries. Children are treated like grown-ups here and I don't think it's working out too well.

  8. #38
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    979

    Default

    Some parents decide ahead of time not to raise their kids the way they were raised. This results in their letting their kids run free and not restraining, criticizing or correcting them because they were raised by harsh, punitive, critical parents.

    Others take a more "it takes a village to watch over my kids" attitude. I had a friend who told me she never corralled her kids in public places, like at the airport. Whether this was because she wanted them to run around and get rid of some energy before they boarded, I don't know.

    When parents stand by and chat while their kids run around, bump into adults and otherwise make mischief, I have to wonder if they're just postponing the moment when they reluctantly must go home (or in the car or on a plane) with their out-of-bounds children.

    But I'd like to point out one thing - children aren't small adults, but they are SMALL. It's possible that a kid mistook Whatever for his mother and grabbed her legs thinking they were his mom's. It's a long way from the floor to a toddler's mom's face and more than one kid has mistaken me for her mother.
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  9. #39
    heart on fire
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    8,457

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella View Post
    This is one of the most noticeable differences between America and most, no all, other countries. Children are treated like grown-ups here and I don't think it's working out too well.
    Yeah, because it is based on irrational nonsense.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jae Rae View Post
    Some parents decide ahead of time not to raise their kids the way they were raised. This results in their letting their kids run free and not restraining, criticizing or correcting them because they were raised by harsh, punitive, critical parents.
    Both approaches seem cruel. I am seeing several examples around me of parents being too lax and their children are developing all sorts of troubles.

  10. #40
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    2,967

    Default

    I think that's true, Bella. Someone else here mentioned treating children as equals. The other day in a big-box store I observed a woman allowing her child to order her about and speak to her in an impertinent manner. I thought, "Wow. That mommy isn't doing her work at home, for sure."
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] What do ENFPs find attractive in other people?
    By Edasich in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 137
    Last Post: 06-05-2013, 11:35 PM
  2. [NF] NFs and feelings of other people
    By Virtual ghost in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 65
    Last Post: 12-18-2009, 12:34 PM
  3. [MBTItm] Hurting feelings of other people
    By Virtual ghost in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 52
    Last Post: 02-02-2009, 06:17 AM
  4. [NT] Ways to challenge myself socially while helping other people
    By ygolo in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 11-28-2008, 01:10 AM
  5. High T and emotions of other people.
    By Virtual ghost in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 09-21-2008, 08:12 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO