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  1. #11
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    I had a dear friend who basically let her kid do whatever she wanted, eg, let her put her hands in the bulk bins at the grocery store. Once we went to a museum and she climbed on a work of art; when I gave her a look, my friend went over to her daughter and said "no shame." She's all grown up now and runs her own business, so it doesn't seem to have hurt her to be raised in such a laissez-faire way, but I stopped going to public places with them.

    Oh, just remembered -at my wedding my friend came up to me and told me her daughter had just about put her hand right on the wedding cake. At least she stopped her from
    doing that.
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  2. #12
    heart on fire
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    It wasn't the parents calling me names it was the children, but you know the parents must not place much importance on manners or they wouldn't feel so free to do that.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I'm thinking there are a number of reasons parents don't discipline their children in public. From my perspective that's neither here nor there other than that determining the reason may help in confronting the parent.

    Jennifer talks about the kind of parents who may have an unruly child, and that is one of the reasons I am often reluctant to confront. It appears to me that there is a great deal of deterioration in the social order these days and a quantity of defensiveness to accompany it. Very little observable sense of personal responsibility.

    So, knowing that there is an abundance of ignorant, willful, dysfunctional, unbalanced (pick one) folks afoot, and that they will be defensive when their parenting skills are perceived as being attacked, I tread softly on this one.

    These days many mommies and daddies carry weapons, are high, have explosive and unpredictable anger. I won't risk physical confrontation for a broken toy or because I am irritated.

    As the former mommy of two very busy, inquisitive children who occasionally overstepped their boundaries in public places I know that sometimes I feared to initiate a "scene." Young, unsure of myself, still learning parenting skills. It was sometimes easier to just stop shopping and grab them both and go home rather than risk an ego-blasting resistance to resolving the problem.

    And, even after all these years, feeling that old defensiveness about being a good enough parent I want to put in a good word for the lot. Guess all here know that sometimes naughty kids still have dilligent parents. I learned that one over and over!

    So. There are times when I would feel it necessary to intercede and those times would probably be the most potentially explosive situations of all. That would be when physical harm to a human is possible. In that instance I wouldn't even think about rudeness. If the issue involves merchandise I am more apt to (try to) find a store employee and ask them to deal with what they are paid for.

    And there have been times when no parent is around when I have dealt with the children in a way which has worked out okay. I've had a lot of experience working with kids, like them and they generally like me so diversion works well for me and gives me a chance to interact with the little rascals now and then.

    And then there are those low-energy days when I think, "Not my problem and I'm already paying for the collateral damage with my purchase." and tune it out to keep peace of mind.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  4. #14
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I'm always annoyed when I wander into a store to shop for grocieries or something and there's other people's kids running around making noise and all around being disturbing (grabbing my leg, yelling, rolling about on the floor and etc.). My parents would NEVER have let me behave like this in public!

    However, whenever I respond as I tend to:

    *cue best Uncle Scar impression* Where are your parents?

    I'm considered to be rude and stepping out of line!

    Why is it considered rude for me to take over when parents are obviously neglecting thier duty to society?
    That's not rude and I hope that you will continue to perfect The Look of Death and use it whenever needed.
    This is only one of the reasons why I fully intend on becoming the neighborhood cat-lady. Kids! Ugh!:steam:

  5. #15
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    There is absolutely no reason anyone else's kids should ever be playing in your yard without your permission. I'd have called their parents, explained that it was a legal liability as well as ruining your newly-planted grass, and just generally made sure they knew it wasn't cool. After that, I'd call the police. I've heard of other people finding random neighbor children swimming in their pool or jumping on their trampoline. That just blows my mind. I can't imagine why anyone thinks it's acceptable.

    If a kid is doing something annoying in my house, I'll gently say, "No, no, sweetie, we don't climb on the coffee table," or something. The parent usually gets it without reacting poorly. I figure, though, if a parent brings a destructive kid to my house--like REALLY destructive--and they don't catch the hint, then I have no problem being more direct. Because at this point, this isn't a person I particularly want to visit me again.

    If the kid is being mean to my dog, all bets are off. The dog's my kid, so we'll have to have a "come to Jesus meeting" about that. I love my dog more than I like your stupid kid.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Kids....the police....ah, I love it.

  7. #17
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    I guess you just look too damn inviting, whatever.

    I've never had somebody else's kid grab me in a store. But I guess maybe I'm too scary looking so the kids stay away.

    I say, next time, just take something off the shelf and give it to the kid. More than likely they will take whatever it is and focus on that and leave you alone. If not, a lot of stores have those big containers with all the rubber balls in them. Dodgeball. GAME ON.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

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  8. #18
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    If the kid is being mean to my dog, all bets are off. The dog's my kid, so we'll have to have a "come to Jesus meeting" about that. I love my dog more than I like your stupid kid.
    My policy now is to just put my cats up when people come over. It isn't worth the conflict. I even had one 18 year old in-law harass the cat. :rolli: I just think the world at large is insane.

    Since when do police even come out on such calls anymore? Our car was broken into and we were told top file a report online that police cannot waste time on such calls anymore. Oh yeah, you live in Northern Central Texas! lol the world out here isn't quite like that.

  9. #19
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Now I find myself wanting a kid to start messing with me in a store. I've got lots of ideas for how to respond to this. Thanks a lot guys, as if I didn't already have enough trouble getting to sleep, now I'm gonna be envisioning ways to mess with kids in stores.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

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  10. #20
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    I guess you just look too damn inviting, whatever.

    I've never had somebody else's kid grab me in a store. But I guess maybe I'm too scary looking so the kids stay away.
    Kids aren't the only one's I've had grab me in public

    I'm used to kids in my yard- I live in an apartment complex with a lot of young families- though most are scared of my dogling and stay away from my patio (and if I find kids messing with my tomato plants they're DOOMED!!!!) I don't get why I should pay for other people's lack of control when in public places though- I rush out of stores to avoid screaming kids- or the parents yelling at thier kids (my sis and I called Walmart the "ass slap" store because of the parents spanking thier kids there!).

    Seriously- I trained my dog to behave well and not to bark or jump on strangers, why can't other people convince thier kids not to scream and clutch my crotch in the grociery?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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