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  1. #111
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    heart, I think the parents who do care are just aware that it's far too easy, because of a million variables, to be seen as a parent that looks like they don't care. I think they're just trying to show all sides of the situation, rather than actually disagreeing that some parents are neglectful or apathetic.

  2. #112
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    To Cafe: But how does any of that relate to Whatever being spoken to harshly just because she's informed a parent that their child is bothering her?

    If they are a conscientious parent, don't they want to be informed if their child is out of line? And as has been suggested, that this may have been a toddler, goodness gracious don't the parents want to be alerted that their child has gotten completely out of their line of sight and attention?

    It makes it appear as if this parent doesn't give a flying F and that would be 180 degress opposite of you, Ivy, Jeffster, Jennifer, or any other parent responding so defensively in this thread. If you aren't a parent who doesn't care, then why get defensive when parents who don't care are spoken of?
    I would want to be informed of the behavior, but if the person goes beyond the immediate situation and insinuates something about my parenting in general, I don't think I would welcome the feedback quite as much. When Whatever immediately leaps to the conclusion that the parent is "neglecting their duty to society," I have a sneaking suspicion that her tone is accusatory and confrontational. When I've seen kids acting up, and the parent is clearly overwhelmed to the point that they can't deal with it, a kind word about how hard it must be and haven't we all had days like this can make a real difference rather than just adding more fuel to the fire.

    Edit: Tallulah got it exactly.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  3. #113
    heart on fire
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    I guess my viewpoint is really colored by my interactions with neighboors and in-laws. I guess I am assuming she was adhering to basic respect and politeness.

    I tried to be so understanding and patient and polite and yet some people just said "Oh well, that's kids! What ya' gonna do?" and it was maddening.

    Like with the neighbor boy, we couldn't afford a fence at that time and we didn't see it as our responsibility to keep our yard safe enough for three-year olds, since we don't have any. Nor did I like the fact that I couldn't keep my curtains open and run around in a t-shirt and underwear at 7am in the back of my own home. This woman just looked at me and said "I'm lucky if he'll obey on the really important things." ! What's that boy doing roaming the neighborhood then?

    When I've seen kids acting up, and the parent is clearly overwhelmed to the point that they can't deal with it, a kind word about how hard it must be and haven't we all had days like this can make a real difference rather than just adding more fuel to the fire.
    But the child wasn't merely acting up, the child was away from the parent.



    Hey, my elderly Dad got loose from my husband once at the mall when husband was paying at the cash register and the mall security had the place on "lost child lock down" and it was scary and horrible feeling for my husband. He came home and he said "Look we never, ever go anywhere with your Dad alone again, we tag team him. One of us has to have him in sight at all times from now on." And we stuck to it. I don't see why once wouldn't be enough with something as precious as a child. I just don't.

  4. #114
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    To Cafe: But how does any of that relate to Whatever being spoken to harshly just because she's informed a parent that their child is bothering her?

    If they are a conscientious parent, don't they want to be informed if their child is out of line? And as has been suggested, that this may have been a toddler, goodness gracious don't the parents want to be alerted that their toddler child has gotten completely out of their line of sight and attention?

    It makes it appear as if this parent doesn't give a flying F and that would be 180 degress opposite of you, Ivy, Jeffster, Jennifer, or any other parent responding so defensively in this thread. If you aren't a parent who doesn't care, then why get defensive when parents who don't care are spoken of?

    From what I got from Whatever's post, it wasn't so much the fact that the child touched her, it was that the parent reacted so strongly to being told about it.
    That parent probably didn't give a flying flip. But parents who do still get treated like crappy parents because everybody is an expert when it comes to parenting, so we get touchy about it. I can't imagine Whatever or you being anything but reasonable when it comes to this kind of thing, but . . . well . . . if you've never been the mom pushing the cart in which a screaming toddler is the passenger and everyone is looking at you like you are . . . well . . . a crappy parent, it's kind of hard to explain. Every parent, no matter how devoted has looked like and been treated like a crappy parent multiple times, I can pretty much guarantee it.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
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  5. #115
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    That parent probably didn't give a flying flip. But parents who do still get treated like crappy parents because everybody is an expert when it comes to parenting, so we get touchy about it. I can't imagine Whatever or you being anything but reasonable when it comes to this kind of thing, but . . . well . . . if you've never been the mom pushing the cart in which a screaming toddler is the passenger and everyone is looking at you like you are . . . well . . . a crappy parent, it's kind of hard to explain. Every parent, no matter how devoted has looked like and been treated like a crappy parent multiple times, I can pretty much guarantee it.
    I can agree with this. If a toddler is crying in their own cart with the parent right there, that's just life. The store is filled with temptations marketed directly at children and children get into bad moods, etc.

    If childfree people are irritated by crying children they need to shop at odd hours or something.

    Then again I've seen and heard lots of ridiculous, dysfunctional nonsense from adults when working in a department store. There's a whole spectrum of behaviors going on out there.

  6. #116
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I can say with confidence that neither of my children have ever licked a nutrition label like Martoon saw a grownup woman doing in the grocery store recently.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  7. #117
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    I can say with confidence that neither of my children have ever licked a nutrition label like Martoon saw a grownup woman doing in the grocery store recently.
    I wonder what was running through her mind? I hope she bought the item.

    And here's the germ phobe in me, cans from the store are dirty. I cannot imagine licking one!

  8. #118
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    I can say with confidence that neither of my children have ever licked a nutrition label like Martoon saw a grownup woman doing in the grocery store recently.
    That's how she reads. Give her a break.
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  9. #119
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    *Pouts because Ivy doesn't want any magic INFP dust. Jumps on magic rainbow with her magic pet unicorn, who has behaved himself well in public because at home she beats him, and soars off into ozone for her happy, happy time, thinking about Mother Nature's bad rap.*
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  10. #120
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Guess I should add that the above post was a bit of self-deprecating humor.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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