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  1. #91
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    My two kids are as different as night and day. If I raised Thing 2 the exact same way I have been raising Thing 1 I think he would be a psychopath. He needs much stricter control. And if I had raised Thing 1 with the strict controls I have to use on Thing 2, her spirit would have been dulled and I don't think she would trust us as much as she does now.
    Totally. And if you raise Thing 1 the way they need to be raised, then they're always bitching about how it's not fair and Thing 2 gets away with stuff and whatever, whilst Thing 2 complains that you invest more attention in Thing 1 (because they need stricter supervision)... this is what I've got goin' on too...

    Sometimes when I get people giving me those looks that say "give me that kid! I'll sort her out in no time!" I feel like saying "Sure thing! I could use the break, and I can't wait to see your face when you have to admit you were wrong!"
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  2. #92
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Many good points since last I visited. A very interesting discussion. My ENFP Thing and ISTP Thing needed two different approaches. I learned as much as I could, did as much as I could and let love and time take care of the rest.

    My bottom line remains -
    Either intervene and move on or don't and move on.

    If you choose to intervene, take time to look at yourself and how you go about intervening to make it the most effective intervention you can manage.

    And in either case, for your own well-being's sake, don't haul the uncomfortable feelings about the situation around with you. Because it is never other people or their children who will ultimately matter to you as much as your own feelings and mind-state.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  3. #93
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Rereading my last post.

    HAH!

    In mind of you who are actively parenting - It's much easier in retrospect!

    ENFP THING? Read "Borderline."
    ISTP THING? Read "Conduct Disorder."

    It was quite a learning experience for all involved. But, not to slight the retrospective, learning as much as one can, doing as much as one can and letting love and time take care of the rest is good advice - Promise. Focus more on one's own self. Do it! You've got to be well and strong for the crises.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  4. #94
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    It was quite a learning experience for all involved. But, not to slight the retrospective, learning as much as one can, doing as much as one can and letting love and time take care of the rest is good advice - Promise. Focus more on one's own self. Do it! You've got to be well and strong for the crises.
    like OMGWTFBBQ my son is killing and eating people how did this happen?!?

  5. #95
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Hee. No, it was worse than that!

    You are addressing a member of the Parent Survivor's Group.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  6. #96
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    It's funny, in a larger perspective. China is the only country that I know of that actually does something about the over-population of earth. To solve the problem, maybe there should be a limit of 2-3 children per couple. And those who are allowed to get kids should have undergone some serious psychological testing and be more or less without major issues, plus a little mandatory pedagogue training. And seriously, junkies and alcoholics, convicts etc shouldn't ever have a chance. Don't take me literally, use common sense. With "convicts" I mean violent people, organized criminals etc. And with alcoholists and junkies I don't mean the guy who smoked weed a couple of times in college.

    This pretty much goes for my views on who should have a right to drive a car, too. Way too many fucktards out there who get people killed. My best friends mom died because of it. And I happened to be nearby and see it. I hate people who drive drunk.

    Mightier than the tread of marching armies is the power of an idea whose time has come

  7. #97
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    YLJ though I don't really agree with what you're suggesting, I have often pondered on the inconsistency of all the hoops that prospective adoptive parents have to jump through compared to how easy it is for anyone at all to become natural parents...
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  8. #98
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    Definitely. I mean, not even gay people may adopt kids. That is a damn small issue compared to the general hillbilly who comes home drunk and beats his kids or the single mom who can't pay for a decent place to live and/or food.

    Mightier than the tread of marching armies is the power of an idea whose time has come

  9. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Exactly. My disagreements here are based on the intensity of some of the assertions being made from limited incidents in particular environments.

    (i.e., the judgment being formed is not based on a broad and diverse survey, a lot of other possibilities for behavior are being ignored).
    If a parent comes to my home and refuses to correct their child and lets them run basically wild, I think I am pretty safe in assuming that parent is overwhelmed by the basics of parenthood. All I am saying is that I had the presence of mind to self-evaulate myself as far as if I wanted or was able to stand and deliever as a parent and I have no sympathy for others who could not/ would not do the same.

    I know these children, there's no diagnosis looming that would prevent the parent from saying "hey don't do that" on a consistant basis.

    About the neighbors and their children, well, I really don't know what the child's possible conditions were but if he were so out of control that he could not comprehend to stay out of neighbor's yard, then what was he doing out at all hours of the day unsupervised, why was his mother mentally comatose when I tried to speak to her about it? Why was she so flip?

    The only thing about Whatever's situation is that parents are acting too defensive when she asked them to control their child who was bothering her, as if being asked to tell their child not to grab on her was unreasonable. There's nothing unreasonable about Whatever's request.

    Is Whatever expected to be a saint or pyschologist every time she goes out and know the exact words and phrases said parents will accept? It seems to me that basic politeness and common respect is all that is needed when alerting parents that their child is running wild.

  10. #100
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Well, I don't think there is an intelligent, thoughtful person in the world who hasn't seen what is going on all around us and wondered what the solution is short of genocide.

    So I appreciate and understand that viewpoint. I suppose this place is as good as any to vent. Actually it's giving me an idea for a weekend thread and, if I can encourage the thinkers out there from battering me half to death about what the point of my thread is, maybe I'll drop one.

    Sometimes I think Mother Earth is standing poised to shake us all off like a bunch of parasites and start over.

    Might be the best solution at this point of exponentially growing population and dysfunction. Argh.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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