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  1. #41
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i'm uncomfortable feeling like i have low self esteem but i will say that i'm aware of both my strengths and my weaknesses and the weaknesses don't make me feel great.

  2. #42
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Low self esteem only applies to stuff I can't really change about me. Not being able to be really evil once in a while pisses me off sometimes.

  3. #43
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
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    I don't anymore. When I was younger I had low self-esteem because I thought of myself as cowardly based on my inaction at times of opportunity.
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  4. #44
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    So, why people have problems with low self-esteem?
    during child's development, is linked to e.g.: the quality of child's attachment to his/her primary nurturer and to their social competency when they get to interact with their peers. The basis of self-esteem is in the child's relationship with his/her caregivers.

    How it develops, how does it show itself, what are the child's strategies / temperament / personality and how those affect, how does the environment support the child (what does low self-esteem estimate? will it influence the child's behaviour with her/his peers? -> more withdrawing -> getting bullied more probable?)

    The first sensations of another human being and how that person perceives you, do they pamper/dismiss etc? the body language etc (mirroring of the emotions of the caregiver)

    Another crucial developmental stage in puberty.


    I read about an interesting theory on how narcissism develops and how there are actually two kinds of it: thick-skinned narcissim and thin-skinned narcissism (latter meaning a very low self-esteem and behaviour, that is very submissive). But that's another subject already

  5. #45
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wildcat View Post
    Self esteem is the mirror of the perception of the other.
    This is precisely what self esteem is.

    So self esteem is the ideology of conformity, of the taken for granted, of what others think of me.

    The ideology of self esteem is designed to weaken us and break us in for society.

    Self esteem makes narcissism respectable.

    While the antidote for self esteem is self respect.

    Self respect must be earned yourself, while self esteem is given to you by others.

    Self esteem is simply a trap to get you to do as society wants.

    In fact self esteem has become a State Ideology as the State of California has instituted a Commission for Self Esteem.

    Those whom the Gods want to destroy are first made mad with self esteem.

  6. #46
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    during child's development, is linked to e.g.: the quality of child's attachment to his/her primary nurturer and to their social competency when they get to interact with their peers. The basis of self-esteem is in the child's relationship with his/her caregivers.
    Object Relations.

    I'm not sure it's all that, though, unless you also include the child's relationship with herself.

    For some reason, some people maintain quite a high level of self-confidence and certainty of themselves even when their caregivers inadvertently undermine it; instead of trusting the caregivers opinion, they trust their own. (So they respond to their own faith within themselves.)

    People who are impacted negatively by the caregiver's opinion are impacted only because they permit it and because the opinion matters to them so some inexplicable reason.
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  7. #47
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    I have high self-esteem, and I'm proud of who I am.

  8. #48
    Senior Member ZiL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    I don't anymore. When I was younger I had low self-esteem because I thought of myself as cowardly based on my inaction at times of opportunity.
    I agree with this for myself right now. It's not as much feeling cowardly for me though, more just feeling in some way incompetent. If other people can take on opportunties, why shouldn't I? I'm really trying to fight this now.

    Mostly because I have such high standards that I set for myself and myself only, and I can't always fill them. Also, peoples' reactions can really effect me. Not as bad as I was, though.
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  9. #49
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    For some reason, some people maintain quite a high level of self-confidence and certainty of themselves even when their caregivers inadvertently undermine it; instead of trusting the caregivers opinion, they trust their own. (So they respond to their own faith within themselves.)

    People who are impacted negatively by the caregiver's opinion are impacted only because they permit it and because the opinion matters to them so some inexplicable reason.
    Yeah, true.

    But I was actually referring to infants and very young children, as they completely lack perspective and coping strategies to govern their own self-esteem, which is first and foremost influenced in the first relationship humans have. That relationship, sadly, influences and leaves a mark to later interaction and relationships we have, as well as to the basis of our self-esteem. (But I don't mean we couldn't later on affect to it in any way )

    I do understand how it works for older children, that they're able to for instance maintain their own self-esteem despite the negative feedback they get of themselves, but self-esteem is not being born by itself.

    When the child grows up and develops perspective and begins to understand not everything they encounter from their parents/peers is a face-value, they can start objectively reassessing their perceptions and change their view about themselves and take in new information as well And children have remarkable talent to find positive feedback (mirroring relationship, where they get positive mirror for themselves) ; if it's not from their parent, they'll search for it wherever they can, from their teacher, friend's parent etc.

  10. #50
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tibby View Post
    When the child grows up and develops perspective and begins to understand not everything they encounter from their parents/peers is a face-value, they can start objectively reassessing their perceptions and change their view about themselves and take in new information as well
    It can go the other way too. Sometimes the objective feedback is a shock and hurts the persons self esteem. The parents may have always told the kid positive things, but he/she may have been overpraised.

    Are you in psychology?

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