Bullying

[Kora]

I was bullied when I was a kid. It changed me drastically, made me shut down in my own world and give me the ability of not trusting anyone, it made me 'stronger' to the point of emotional numbness. What Kyrielle said about girls being wolves is very true, though curiously, the most cruel words someone ever said to me came from a boy's mouth.

Anyway, when I was in my early teens, I changed school. Then, the roles reversed. It's not a part of my life that makes me very proud, but I can say that... somehow I understand bullies, because I had been on their side once. It's something very different, and maybe the others didn't see with the same depth I did, but, believe me, bullies are to be pitied too.

 

[professor goodstain]

Really?

On this topic there are no intp's to speak of. i think. The best way to nail a bully is to put them on a level playing field. Emmediatly find their inconsistancies, and believe me they have many, then exploit them. Examples are stuff like their daddy has alot of money so you call them (daddy's money). To those women out there, just ask them if thats their pre-midlife crisis talking.
An overwelming fear could be imminant at the time but let the truth be spoken and a path will become transparent. Get in their head.
By the looks of what i just wrote, it's got entp splattered all over it. Hmm

 

[Synarch]

Anyway, when I was in my early teens, I changed school. Then, the roles reversed. It's not a part of my life that makes me very proud, but I can say that... somehow I understand bullies, because I had been on their side once. It's something very different, and maybe the others didn't see with the same depth I did, but, believe me, bullies are to be pitied too.

I've been bullied and I have bullied others. This was Junior High in a nut shell: Lord of the Flies with vending machines.

 

[BlackCat]

I bullied the bullies.

 

[professor goodstain]

How?

 

[Synarch]

I bullied the bullies.

I bullied the bullies who bullied the bullies. Then I chained them all together to pull my juggernaut through the gates of Hell where I battled the jötnar and lost my right hand to Fenris, the World Devourer.

 

[BlackCat]

How?

Called them out on anything I could, often harassed them when I saw them try to pick at someone else. If you consider tattle tailing on them every chance I could then yes. I got so many people in school suspention because of that. I really just had a zero tolerance rate.

 

[blanclait]

Well you can always act like The Count of Monte Cristo, and plot out your vengeance 8 years after it happens. That way, by this time they probably have a family and a loved one. If not wait longer. And 7 year gap allows one to be less likely to be suspected in w/e crime.

 

[Mole]

When I am bullied here, I am invariably told, "It's just a joke".

This is the way bullies hide their bullying. They hide it behind a joke.

And this is a very good technique as many here hide their immaturity behind a jokey mask - it almost seems reflexive.

And those who have yet to discover their own voice and style, bitterly resent those who have.

And it is this immature, bitter resentment that leads to bullying.

And this kind of resentment is better described in French as ressentiment.

And it is so ugly, it must be disguised as a joke.

And calling it a joke puts the victim off guard.

But such jokey behaviour is the norm here.

It provides the perfect cover for bullying.

 

[Biaxident]

Bullying is in large part why I act, look, and behave the way I do.

 

[Mole]

Bullying is in large part why I act, look, and behave the way I do.

This is very interesting, not least because of your level of insight.

And I guess if you are insightful about your image, you will be insightful about other things.

This is a delightful ability to have.

 

[BlueScreen]

Well you can always act like The Count of Monte Cristo, and plot out your vengeance 8 years after it happens. That way, by this time they probably have a family and a loved one. If not wait longer. And 7 year gap allows one to be less likely to be suspected in w/e crime.

I love the count!

And very insightful posts from Victor.

 

[TheJimbo]

Hmm, I didn't get bullied much in HS. When I did it was usually for sticking up for somebody who was.

When I am bullied here, I am invariably told, "It's just a joke".

This is the way bullies hide their bullying. They hide it behind a joke.

And this is a very good technique as many here hide their immaturity behind a jokey mask - it almost seems reflexive.

Guilty. When I was in a bad mood I'd prey on friends I knew were emotionally weak with cruel jokes & outright dickery. Not so much anymore, though.

Bullying is in large part why I act, look, and behave the way I do.

You're INFP? And your avatar is you?

Bitch best be trollin'!

 

[Riva]

Called them out on anything I could, often harassed them when I saw them try to pick at someone else. If you consider tattle tailing on them every chance I could then yes. I got so many people in school suspention because of that. I really just had a zero tolerance rate.

blackcat i am your biggest fan. lets be friends.

 

[Biaxident]

This is very interesting, not least because of your level of insight.

And I guess if you are insightful about your image, you will be insightful about other things.

This is a delightful ability to have.

I've been known to go out of my way to defend someone I perceive as being bullied.

I still remember being the short and fat kid, with bad skin. Who just wanted to be left alone.

Who wasn't particularly good at anything. Except being a target for kids with more hormones than brains. In consequence, I became very good at reading body language and intent.

I don't find "kids will be kids" to be an adequate excuse for the way some children treat those who are different. It sounds like a cop-out by parents who are too lazy, too stupid, or just plain don't care, about raising well balanced, intelligent, children.

Two years ago, was my class's twentieth high school reunion. It made me grin and laugh to see how life had beaten the majority into fat, dumpy, automatons with a blank look in their eye. And I know that some of the worst of the bullies from back then have had a truly horrendous life since. Deep in my mind there is a little, fat, misunderstood kid, who feels that they deserve it.

These days, I have little tolerance for bullying, and generally, the ability to physically or verbally beat them into submission. And I find it viscerally satisfying to out-think some twit who thinks he is better than everyone around him.

You're INFP? And your avatar is you?

Bitch best be trollin'!

Yup, it's me.

And I haven't seen any female canines fishing for Marlin lately.

 

[heart]

Called them out on anything I could, often harassed them when I saw them try to pick at someone else. If you consider tattle tailing on them every chance I could then yes. I got so many people in school suspention because of that. I really just had a zero tolerance rate.

Lucky for you that your school considered it a problem. At my school the problem was seen to be with the children who got harassed. They had "social problems" and needed to "get with the program." A handful of adult teachers even engaged in verbal harassment and ridicule of those who didn't fit.

 

[Mole]

Lucky for you that your school considered it a problem. At my school the problem was seen to be with the children who got harassed. They had "social problems" and needed to "get with the program." A handful of adult teachers even engaged in verbal harassment and ridicule of those who didn't fit.

Yes, bullying is contagious. It takes a person of exceptional character to stand against it.

 

[heart]

Yes, bullying is contagious. It takes a person of exceptional character to stand against it.

More than that, it was ingrained in the local culture. Seen as part of the conformity process. Conform or be cast out and if you're cast out, you're subhuman----suitable to be food for the wolves and therefore apt fodder for their golden children to sharpen their teeth on to become good predators in the greater world beyond.

I also saw my nieces and nephews go through this school system, things didn't change. How can they? The majority of parents support it as proper and good for breeding up fighters.

Unlike Biax, I don't have a tough physcial exterior but I am aware of a certain emotional serrated edge left behind by this.

Edit: I also know there are people who will read my post and agree with those parents too.

 

[Biaxident]

Unlike Biax, I don't have a tough physical exterior but I am aware of a certain emotional serrated edge left behind by this.

I made myself this way. So that bullies would think twice before deciding to try and harass me, or those I might be with.

My adaption is more blatant, an axe or club. As opposed to you, a derringer hidden in a pocket or a boot knife, not obvious till it's needed. But they serve their purpose.

Edit: I also know there are people who will read my post and agree with those parents too.

I have nothing against healthy competition. But some people should be sterilized immediately, before they have children, and instill in them their twisted views of what makes a strong person.

 

[Hirsch63]

I've been known to go out of my way to defend someone I perceive as being bullied.

I still remember being the short and fat kid, with bad skin. Who just wanted to be left alone.

Who wasn't particularly good at anything. Except being a target for kids with more hormones than brains. In consequence, I became very good at reading body language and intent.

I don't find "kids will be kids" to be an adequate excuse for the way some children treat those who are different. It sounds like a cop-out by parents who are too lazy, too stupid, or just plain don't care, about raising well balanced, intelligent, children.

These days, I have little tolerance for bullying....

This is very similar to my situation...I decided to hit the wieghts when I was about 16 or so...I grew fast at the time and the biggest reaction that I remember was not so much that the bullying abruptly stopped, but that people who never would have noticed me before and others who deliberately ignored me suddenly courted me as a friend...invited me to parties and wanted to share confidences and resources...WTF? I was the same person I was before, just much stronger. I began to resent this shallow treatment and kept my habit of isolation or building solid relationships one at a time...One good friend is worth a hundred acquaintences.

I started intervening in bullying situations. It felt good. In my early 20's I was out with a friend one afternoon at a convenience store in a very diverse nieghborhood. There was a skinny little fellow who was being slapped around and intimidated by a local tough. It turned out that the little guy and my friend were old pals so he was looking our way for help. His burly tattoed tormentor sneered at us "...they won't do anything" Well, that tore it. I spent a few moments carfeully adjusting his attitude, he was afterwards loaded into the back of his girlfriends car and driven away.

So, cut to a few years later and Skinny Little fellow is married (to a very nice young girl) and has produced a few skinny little carbon copies. He is a drunk. He abuses his wife and neglects his children. He was always a cute little loud mouth with much confiidence and had no trouble charming people. This is his resource, how he navigates life. I realized then that he probably needed to have his ass kicked long ago...that there may have been a valid reason for what was happening (although the dynamics of the situation merited my response). So I became much more selective about when and where I intervened. I still won't tolerate bullying...I just mangage it differently. I try to diffuse the situation without confrontation; let things cool down get back to a normal level for the circumstance give each person room to see the silliness of the situation. Some can't and never will. Too bad.

As for the observation that there is bullying on this forum...well this sort of pseudo-intellectual intimidation finds it origins in the same places the old street bullying does, cowardly attention-seekers. Most of it is laughable. Some is downright mean-spirited. It is all easily ignorable with a push of a button. Part of the price we pay for an open forum is the possibilities of posts that may offend our sensibilities. Not suprising in a form of communication where you can "hide" behind a monitor spewing out barbs with little consequence. Like real bullying, as long as it is tolerated (or suprisingly under the guise of free speech even supported) it will continue. I can certainly tolerate it (mostly) except that my fear is that it may drive away very thoughtful and productive posters who could bring the general level of discussion up farther than it might otherwise.