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Bullying

Cirrus

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Jan 21, 2009
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I've been bullied all of my highschool life - I came in half way during the first year after friendship groups had already been made, and we had moved there just then so I didn't know anyone from the previous school, either.

I think I had a very INFJ reaction to bullying. Because of bullying I sank a little into depression, but it didn't seem to work - although passive-aggressive I've never been one to take shit and start to believe it. But it did make me want to constantly evaluate myself and every day on the way to school I would 'renew' myself by creating a new "me" - it's kind of difficult to understand, perhaps another INFJ will get what I'm talking about.

The more bullied I got, the more I felt inadequate and had to do this, compulsively. I also started withdrawing more into myself and even at a young age at about twelve or thirteen I saw it as a "shell" or "shield", and imagined it around me, strengthening each time I took what I considered to be a "blow" (even though I've never been physically bullied, it's always been verbal because all the bullies I've ever encountered were wimps... =P) and it would get tougher and tougher with each one.

Over time I am still one of the most hated people in the year, I have never had more than two or three friends, we've banded together and managed to stick it out. I am now very tough towards bullying, and put on my perfect "shield" which unfortunately makes me unsociable and cold towards any stranger because I don't trust them any more.

I know other people get severely under-confident from bullying and just can't take it - for me, it only made me stronger. I do regret not at least experiencing what a happy, confident, popular life would be like at school (I would probably have made more academic progress with that too) but I think it was a good experience all the same for making me stronger.

I wonder if this is just my personal way of dealing with it but it seems very INFJ-ish to me.

Also - my best friend deals with it in a very opposite manner - I tend to try and use irony and wit against bullies or else just completely ignore them, perhaps making them feel uncomfortable by showing they do not scare or intimidate me. She on the other hand gets aggressive and confused, and they know they'll get a good reaction out of her, so she gets much more hassle than I do.
 

Mitzy

brat
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whats wrong with bullying every now & then.
it adds character :D
 

Moiety

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Always had a short fuse for pushovers so never really had a problem. It was kinda shitty having to babysit some of the more weak-minded of my friends, though. I can't understand how some people just don't have the urge to stand up for themselves.

whats wrong with bullying every now & then.
it adds character :D

To whom exactly?
 

Kyrielle

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Hi all, it's really funny (weird funny, not ha-ha funny) that there's a thread like this stickied at the top of the forum. I logged in today to see if I could gather some information about bullying for a horror script that I'm currently writing.

I have plenty of personal experience when it comes to bullying, I was pretty much the whipping boy for a lot of assholes in my graduating class. But, these were boys bullying boys.

I need information about how girls bully other girls. Anecdotes are ideal, but general viewpoints or opinions from women who were bullied as kids would also be very helpful. I'll be sure to comb through the thread, too, so people won't have to repeat themselves. :)

With girls:

Imagine a pack of wolves. Now imagine that pack circling around a herd of deer. Imagine them slowly singling out one person who they perceive to be the weakest. All right, now imagine the wolves unendingly isolating that person and managing to turn the entire herd of deer against that isolated one. The wolves never eat the deer. They only nibble on it, bite it, shove it when it starts to look like it's getting tired/stronger.

That's what girls do. All of this is verbal, by the way. None of it is ever physical, but it's that same kind of subtle manipulation that ends up becoming unnoticed until it's too late.

whats wrong with bullying every now & then.
it adds character :D

Not cool. It's that kind of attitude that allows bullies to thrive in the first place. Bullying destroys character rather than builds it.
 

Mitzy

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Incorrect. It's only destructive to the victims.

oh god. why are you guys being uptight. obviously i was joking. well maybe not so obviously since apparently my sarcasm didnt get through too well.

bullying? what do i think about it? i think its a waste of time. no one should ever put in their own effort and/or energy just for the sake to make ANOTHER ONE'S life [who would even bother to care?] miserable. i was never bullied and i never did bully anyone...

i think most people bully because they want a challenge. they see something weak that they want to make stronger or see a reaction from the 'victim'.
sometimes people bully because theyre actually afraid of the other person. kids dont have a big in-depth opinion on people. they have a general idea of what is "normal" and what isnt so when they see something strange, they want to go away and they usually resort to some sort of verbal abuse or physical [its in our instincts to do so, most kids dont know how to channel this]. other just want to show off how tough they are because they are actually insecure about themselves and want to put up a front...maybe that will keep them from being bullied by others as well or maybe they just want to seem stronger.

again, i think a lot of this has to do with instincts and "behavioral manifestations of fight-or-flight"
kids are just most likely to be prone to this because they are less developed.
 

Laurie

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People are uptight about it because it greatly affected them.
 

Mitzy

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oh well im sorry i dont carry around sympathy in my bag but i'll send you all flowers next time. idk what else you want me to do or say besides give my opinion as to why people do it...i believe i gave some valid info & my point of view as an innocent bystander :D
 

Kyrielle

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oh well im sorry i dont carry around sympathy in my bag but i'll send you all flowers next time. idk what else you want me to do or say besides give my opinion as to why people do it...i believe i gave some valid info & my point of view as an innocent bystander :D

Regardless of what you do or do not carry around in your bag, surely you realise that when you posted that it was a rather charged statement (kidding or not) for such a topic given the replies. Was kinda asking for trouble.
 

briochick

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there were isolated incidences of bullying in my childhood but I think two things served to my aid 1. I didn't really care what the other kids thought (I was well aware that they didn't determine the outcome of my life, grown ups did, at least that's how I thought) and 2. I was actually pretty oblivious to most other people most of the time. I think bullying someone who doesn't actually *notice* the effort you put into insulting them half the time looses it's charm pretty quickly. I also, at least through middle school, had a tendency to punch and be very agressive if I felt cornered. By the time I reached high school I was very quiet but I could verbaly skin someone if the need presented itself and while I suffered from depression I seemed to have gained whatever it was that kept me from being ritualisticly bullied. My brother was not so lucky. He was little and got upset easily. He wasn't creative so he didn't write violent scenes of murder in his notebook when he was mad, he just yelled and turned red and that seemed to fuel his bullies more, and his teachers weren't much help. When my brother got some height and muscle on him I know he spent a good year or two paying back anyone who would have caused him problems when he was smaller. Lol, I remember someone came to me saying "did you know your brother had some guy pinned up against the locker today?" All I could do was shrug, esp when he said the guy was dealing drugs.

But, as a teacher I've seen bullying in a much less biased light. In both of my middle school classes there is a boy who is both younger and smaller than the rest of the students. One is(was? I think the problem is less now, at least in school, I don't know about after school, but I can't follow my student home) bullied, one is not. I spent a lot of time wondering about the cause of this. The one who was bullied was physically bigger than the one who wasn't so size wasn't the issue. No, it was more like...the child who was bullied didn't notice social cues, like when he was beginning to annoy the other kids, and if he didn't understand why I was telling him to do something (change desks, or stay where he was while someone else changed desks, or be quiet, or stop reading over the shoulder of the kid who normally pins you to a wall) which was often, he wouldn't do it. If there was free time he would often wander to the *very* point in class that would make him most phsically vulnerable (a corner, or a covey, or behind me where I couldn't see). And, when they started picking on him he had this high pitched whining cry, Interestingly similar to wounded prey, that would incess them to do it more. I felt bad for him but I admit, I also felt that if he didn't learn social-life preservation skills this would continue for quite some time. The other boy, the smaller one, was just as smart and just as young, but if someone pushed him he would usually just glare. He didn't talk a lot and that "dignity" if you will often seemed to trigger the protective instincts of some of the other students and so if there was trouble he ususally had aid in the form of someone bigger and older. It's a hard thing, both for teachers and for students. I can vouche that one of the boy's main bullies was a really good kid asside from that. Always did his work, got along well with others, was smart as all get out, kind to his siblings, participated in class, the whole bit. It's just...he hated that poor boy. I was often torn between wanting to throw the bullied kid out of class because it would make the whole class more harmonious without him, and wanting to throw everyone else out of the class because, despite the fact that the kid was annoying, their behavior was enethical and unwarrented and cruel.

It's a very complex issue.
 

Nihilen

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Regardless of what you do or do not carry around in your bag, surely you realise that when you posted that it was a rather charged statement (kidding or not) for such a topic given the replies. Was kinda asking for trouble.

What kind of trouble ? Are y'all gonna start bullying her now ?
 

BlackCat

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I got bullied a lot. It sure as hell "added to my character." It made me an angry person. I got suspended for beating the shit out of the bullies like three times. I have no sympathy for bullies whatsoever.
 

AOA

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I got bullied a lot. It sure as hell "added to my character." It made me an angry person. I got suspended for beating the shit out of the bullies like three times. I have no sympathy for bullies whatsoever.

Wow.
 

MrME

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I got bullied a lot. It sure as hell "added to my character." It made me an angry person. I got suspended for beating the shit out of the bullies like three times. I have no sympathy for bullies whatsoever.

You're a rare breed. Were you close to your parents? Meaning, were they supportive and caring? I ask because I could see somebody reacting this way if they got real support from people outside of school.
 

MrME

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oh god. why are you guys being uptight. obviously i was joking. well maybe not so obviously since apparently my sarcasm didnt get through too well.

Nah, not uptight, just unable to tell if you were serious. I suppose the smilie should've been the tip-off, but, eh, well ... it's behind us now.

Usually, when I'm being sarcastic online, I'll close out my comments with something like: </sarcasm>

:D
 

BlackCat

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You're a rare breed. Were you close to your parents? Meaning, were they supportive and caring? I ask because I could see somebody reacting this way if they got real support from people outside of school.

Yes. I had a few friends too, and plenty of people I could/did stand up for.
 

millerm277

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I got bullied a lot. It sure as hell "added to my character." It made me an angry person. I got suspended for beating the shit out of the bullies like three times. I have no sympathy for bullies whatsoever.

You had to do it three times? You've gotta get the intimidation part down better, give whoever it is something to actually fear. Sticks with them for far longer than any injury. My (only) fight...I cracked someone's rib, along with them breaking something in their hand from their bad punching. However, (as I had gotten a few bruises too), the message that I wasn't to be messed with didn't get across until I pinned the person, and just clasped my hands around their neck (tightly) and looked them angrily in the eye until they freaked out. Left him lying there (No, I didn't do it for long enough to actually cause any actual harm.), and walked away. He still can't manage more than a glance at me.

Anyway. That solved my bullying problems, and more. No one even thought of bothering me again...and it bought me a sort of respect.
 

AOA

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Regardless of what you do or do not carry around in your bag, surely you realise that when you posted that it was a rather charged statement (kidding or not) for such a topic given the replies. Was kinda asking for trouble.
^ I second that.

I think Mitzy said it out of naiveté - no harm intended. But this IS a serious thread.
 

mysterio

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With girls:

Imagine a pack of wolves. Now imagine that pack circling around a herd of deer. Imagine them slowly singling out one person who they perceive to be the weakest. All right, now imagine the wolves unendingly isolating that person and managing to turn the entire herd of deer against that isolated one. The wolves never eat the deer. They only nibble on it, bite it, shove it when it starts to look like it's getting tired/stronger.

That's what girls do. All of this is verbal, by the way. None of it is ever physical, but it's that same kind of subtle manipulation that ends up becoming unnoticed until it's too late.



Not cool. It's that kind of attitude that allows bullies to thrive in the first place. Bullying destroys character rather than builds it.


I recognize your Dark Tower avatar. It’s not surprising that a Stephen King fan would have issues with bullying, since that is one his main themes. His Richard Bachman novel, “Rage”, foreshadowed the Columbine massacre and other school shootings by decades. Relentless bullying can push an unstable teenager over the edge, though unfortunately many people don’t want to consider that this is a significant factor in some of these shootings.

When a victim of bullying or some kind of recurring harassment goes psycho, whether it be at school or in the workplace, no one seems willing to assign any of the blame to the instigator(s). That part of what happened is too often hidden from the front page, almost as if by unconscious conspiracy.

I remember bullying and harassment at school as being more or less accepted by everyone, including teachers. Especially when it was the popular kids doing the bullying. It was almost viewed as something righteous, as if the losers were just getting what they deserved.
 
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