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Bullying

iwakar

crush the fences
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Any of you plan to see this documentary coming out: Bully?

My only fear about this growing communal cacophony against bullying is that people will be reactive rather than proactive and just criminalize the hell out of it rather than work out the various reasons this is happening and to encourage acceptance and compassion for others.
 

purple tuesday

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Before i started kindergarten i watched movies and shows where the hero stood up to the bullies, not only for themselves but for others. I decided that if i ever saw a bully i would be like the heroes. Whenever i got bullied in school I always fought back, which didn't help much but it made me feel better to know i wasn't just letting it happen. I would always get so mad at them when my friends got picked on. I could feel the adrenaline rush through me and my vision blur. I physically fought a girl who hurt my sister once. I'm probably not the typical INFP when it comes to bullies
 

ygolo

My termites win
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Aug 6, 2007
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Luckily, my high school experience was pretty much bully free.

Middle school was another thing entirely. Our middle school was right next to the local high school. I used to walk between my middle school and high school to take classes. The high school students used to regularly pick on the middle school students (especially the middle school students who took classes at the HS). I remember a couple of incidents after which students were hospitalized after being beat up or knifed.

Being a 12-y.o in a class of 19-y.o.'s and pregnant teenagers is a unique experience to say the least. This is especially true when you are pretty much the smallest 12-y.o. in the middle school to begin with. I got away with just minor bruising from punches and things, and being stuffed in school lockers (scary, but usually, after enough knocking/knocking, someone would let you out).

One fairly memorable experience happened when I was babysitting my little brother while playing outside. Two kids from either the high-school, or among those who repeatedly failed middle school decided it would be fun to start trowing cherries at my brother (who was four at the time) and me. I protected my brother from getting hit. You'd be surprised how much cherries can hurt. I also did not want to back down or run away...I'm not sure why. They told me to run or leave, but I refused. They kept throwing cherries, till they got tired/bored of it and left. One of them, I overheard saying it was "boring", the other one was pretty nice to me from then on.

Elementary school had it's share of bullying too (I was pretty much the smallest person in class through most of school). But this was far less scary, as I remember.

I'm not sure what to make of it, or what advice I would give. I think the biggest thing I would change about my behavior was that I would have told adults about what was happening. I just thought facing bullies was part of growing up, and I pretty much told my younger sister this when she faced her own bullies (I regret that now). I used to walk home with her sometimes, so that she didn't face the bullies. But got tired of it.
 

lorkan

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I was actually bullied in school several times. Although if the bullies had met me in my psychotic condition they would have wept their eyes of... yes, really!
 

danseen

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It's clear that bullying is caused by mental illness. And that this illness needs to be managed/cured.
 

NK258

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I think I'm going to sue all of my grammar school classmates for contributing towards all of my neurotic enneagram issues. :p
 

Vasilisa

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Study: Bullied Kids at Risk for Mental Health Problems 40 Years Later
Frequent and occasional bullying were both associated with a higher risk for depression, psychological distress, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety disorders in middle age.
JULIE BECK
APR 23 2014
The Atlantic

Excerpt:
Problem: Getting shoved on the playground, or swirlied in the toilet, called mean names behind your back, or to your face—bullying takes many forms (even more of late thanks to the Internet), and is an unfortunate part of life for many children. Some have argued that it’s just an unpleasant rite of passage, but many others, including government officials, feel otherwise. Some kids may “bounce back,” but we hear many stories of bullying gone too far, of teasing that ends tragically. And research shows that bullying victims have higher rates of self-harm, anxiety, and depression during childhood and adolescence.

A new study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, out of King’s College London, provides more evidence that bullied kids might not totally bounce back, that their health, relationships, and even economic status may be at risk even into middle age.

Methodology: The researchers looked at data from the U.K.’s National Child Development study, on more than 18,000 people who were born during one week in 1958. Those children were followed up with at ages 7, 11, 16, 23, 33, 42, 45, and 50. During the 7-year-old and 11-year-old check-ins, the children’s parents reported whether their children were bullied never, sometimes, or frequently. While it’s possible that some children were being bullied without their parents’ knowledge, the study notes that “reports of bullying victimization from mothers and children have been shown to be similarly associated with emotional and behavioral problems.”

At ages 23 and 50, participants completed measures of psychological distress and general health, and at 45, clinical interviewers assessed them for depressive and anxiety disorders. The age 50 interviews also included demographic information, about education level attained, employment status, and weekly net pay, as well as information about participants’ relationships—whether they were partnered or single, and how often they saw friends.

Results: Twenty-eight percent of the children studied had been occasionally bullied, and 15 percent had been frequently bullied. Bullying was more common among male children, and those whose parents were less involved, or had “manual occupations.”

This bullying (both occasional and frequent) was associated with poorer health later in life—victims had more psychological distress at 23 and 50, and were at higher risk for depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety disorders at age 45. The risk levels were similar to those for children who “had been placed in public or substitute care… or who reported multiple childhood adversities.” Bullying victims also rated their health more poorly and were more likely to have poor cognitive functioning at 50.

Being bullied was also associated with having lower education levels, a higher likelihood of being single at 50, spending less time with friends, and lower perceived life satisfaction.

Other than spending less time with friends, these associations stayed significant, even when the researchers controlled for other factors like childhood IQ, social class, childhood adversity, and the tendency to internalize or externalize behavior problems.

< full story >
 

Quay

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The young man in this video is my cousin. He was born with a genetic disorder (ectodermal dysplasia), and some high and mighty celebrity f*ckfaces were making fun of him... and it pisses me off. I just want to post this here. This is unacceptable, for real.

[video]http://www.myfoxdetroit.com/story/25345293/mich-mans-selfie-mocked-by-celebrities-on-social-media[/video]
 

Lexicon

Temporal Mechanic
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The young man in this video is my cousin. He was born with a genetic disorder (ectodermal dysplasia), and some high and mighty celebrity f*ckfaces were making fun of him... and it pisses me off. I just want to post this here. This is unacceptable, for real.

[video]http://www.myfoxdetroit.com/story/25345293/mich-mans-selfie-mocked-by-celebrities-on-social-media[/video]

Anyone who derives pleasure from mocking the disfigured/disabled is an embarrassment to humanity.

Glad your cousin has a family member who gives a damn, & hopefully the news article will influence others to address this kind of disgusting behavior if they encounter it at some point.

:hug:
 
V

violaine

Guest
Just sickening. Can't even imagine why people do things like this. :-((

:hug: to your cousin.
 

Vasilisa

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Any of you plan to see this documentary coming out: Bully?

My only fear about this growing communal cacophony against bullying is that people will be reactive rather than proactive and just criminalize the hell out of it rather than work out the various reasons this is happening and to encourage acceptance and compassion for others.

I just watched the documentary Bully from 2012 last night and it had wrenching and infuriating moments. I agree that dealing with Bullying involves judgement calls, as was needed in the case of Ja'meya Jackson. Has anyone else watched it?

 

Mane

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Jul 2, 2014
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Where would you be without bullying? (Random but related thought)

Imagine a scenario where nobody bullied you in your school & high school. How would that effect you & who you are now?

One extremely common reaction is that bullying makes us tougher. It gives us the hardened hide to be ready for the world's pricks and assholes who are all too willing to make your life a living hell, and the younger you'd be when you start getting used to do that horrible fact of life, the less of a weight it's going to have when you have to encounter it in the future. How else would you deal with a jerky boss at work or a rude customer or an online troll? "Start cranking up that armor, if you don't you'll end up shooting yourself at the first sign of reading a youtube video's comment section".

I can not dismiss this possibility entirely, but I would like to propose an alternative I think might be just as likely: Getting bullied as children induces traumatic & irrational thinking that risks supersede our emotional intelligence as adults.
Imagine any horrible situation that might happen to you now for the first time, and you'll have all sort of life lessons and tools to deal with it that you didn't have as a kid. If this was your first car accident and you are now in your 30s, you'd be stressed out but you'd know to breath it out, you might not be sure if you or any of the other passengers are hurt but you can call an ambulance if its looks like an emergency or just find your way to a hospital for a checkup, you might have to face the wrath of the other driver but you'd know they are reacting because they are just as scared as you and you can calm them down and exchange your car insurances and let them deal with it. Now, imagine the same scenario where you have had a history of being in car accidents as a kid. A memory of paralyzing fear, of pain you can't tell apart or know where it's coming from, of some adults shouting in the background an attacking your parents or older siblings. Imagine all of that coming back to you and eating your mind in that car accident as an adult. How exactly is that trauma going to help?
What if dealing with things before we have the emotional competent to understand them doesn't make us tougher, but anchors our experience into memories of helplessness instead, and forces us to use tactics to rationalize accepting them as they are so that we can get used to them rather then enable us to deal with those things with our grown up adult arsenal. What if dealing with bullying as a kid makes you build up narratives to defend yourself from why they are doing it, or rationalize that you somehow deserve it, or worst, teaches you a false dichotomy that if you aren't the bully you are the one getting bullied, and that your only way out is to become a bully yourself, not because those things are true, but because when you were a child and learned to first deal with them, you had no other means of understanding or coping with them.

What if the various programs to cut down an fight off bullying in school grounds aren't going to produce those soft-skinned victims we fear of the next generation becoming, but instead produce kids who are going to be more mature and more capable when they deal with bullying for the first time, and able to apply better adult reasoning and a higher degree of emotional intelligence when they develop their initial approach and attitudes in dealing with such situations?
 

Chthonic

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Jun 18, 2014
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As the subject of bullying from my earliest memories I have a few thoughts....

- It made me even more of who I am. The more I was teased for being different the more different I became. I decided from about age 7 that the world was not going to tell me who I was.
- I learned that adults will generally treat a bullied child as an inconvenience because they'd rather not deal with the embarassing face to face issues with another parent. The best of them will comfort you while ignoring the problem with stupid phrases like well this wont last forever. The worst of them will join in with the bullying by telling you that it's your fault and you need to learn to deal with it.
- I learned that bullying never ends. Adults are just as immature as children in this regard. In fact a great deal of people never change much from primary school.
- I learned disappointment in my own species as just about no-one is willing to do anything about this. So I grew up with and still maintain the idea that people are simply unreliable and not to be trusted. In the sense that few people will take a stand on anything for fear of being ostracised. If you are one of the ostracised then others will politely (and not so politely) keep distance from you because they don't want to be associated with you.
- I learned humanity is a very selfish thing. It's all about personal comfort and most people are quite happy for others to be victimised and pretend it's not happening as long as their own comfort is assured.
- I learned to deal with it in my own way but I also learned never to reach out to others because a pile of judgements is mostly what you will encounter. It really is easier to keep it to yourself and find solutions on your own. My solution is to live apart from society, I find very little in society that appeals since my experience of other people is nothing short of horrendous.
- I became misanthropic before I was in my teens and I've never left there. People singing platitudes about how wonderful humanity is obviously were never the subject of this. Glad they have a different experience to me but in all honesty it just makes me sick when people tell me that I've got it all wrong and I need to change my mind about people. It's just one more invalidation of my experience.

I doubt anyone will do anything about this problem. It's generally accepted on a subconscious level that protecting the vulnerable from bullies is just fostering weakness and they are better off being left to the wolves. The issue is a big pile of inconvenience and 'too hard' for most adults to deal with. Especially as most parents of bullies are secretly proud of their children and their actions because it proves they will 'win' in life.
 

Alomoes

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Probably alone as I usually am in my ultra rational approach to things, but I'm sure psychologically, there is a point this bullying. I believe that in an attempt to make sure people are not behaving in manners detrimental to their health, a series of behaviors happened about through natural selection. It is the chain of yelling are reacting to that. It makes sure everyone is conforming to the same empirical data. Now the problem arises when this behavior is exploited by others. When a person is already conforming, yet is criticized for errors, this causes the mind to think the victim is insane. Slowly, said person comes to the conclusion that their senses are wrong and compensates for it. If someone is told they are fat, they will react to this. This is a natural thing, and in a society where there is none of this, people will become narcissistic, fat, but ok with how they are. As such a kind of mediation is suggested. Could write more of my opinion, but no.
 

blahblahbob

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Probably alone as I usually am in my ultra rational approach to things, but I'm sure psychologically, there is a point this bullying. I believe that in an attempt to make sure people are not behaving in manners detrimental to their health, a series of behaviors happened about through natural selection. It is the chain of yelling are reacting to that. It makes sure everyone is conforming to the same empirical data. Now the problem arises when this behavior is exploited by others. When a person is already conforming, yet is criticized for errors, this causes the mind to think the victim is insane. Slowly, said person comes to the conclusion that their senses are wrong and compensates for it. If someone is told they are fat, they will react to this. This is a natural thing, and in a society where there is none of this, people will become narcissistic, fat, but ok with how they are. As such a kind of mediation is suggested. Could write more of my opinion, but no.

Bullying generally serves only one purpose: to inflate the ego and satiate the sadism of the bully. Unfortunately, the loving torturers and human rights violators of the APA have taken Sadistic Personality Disorder out of their DSM - but have left all the disorders that occur as a result of extreme bullying.

That being said, there are many many ideologies I will mock and I see no reason that such things should be off limits as ideologies sometimes need to be mocked.
 

Tippo

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Probably alone as I usually am in my ultra rational approach to things, but I'm sure psychologically, there is a point this bullying. I believe that in an attempt to make sure people are not behaving in manners detrimental to their health, a series of behaviors happened about through natural selection. It is the chain of yelling are reacting to that. It makes sure everyone is conforming to the same empirical data. Now the problem arises when this behavior is exploited by others. When a person is already conforming, yet is criticized for errors, this causes the mind to think the victim is insane. Slowly, said person comes to the conclusion that their senses are wrong and compensates for it. If someone is told they are fat, they will react to this. This is a natural thing, and in a society where there is none of this, people will become narcissistic, fat, but ok with how they are. As such a kind of mediation is suggested. Could write more of my opinion, but no.

Bullies are the result of poor moral example, bad parenting. The best analogy, the have's and the have not's. These persons are typically weak minded and under stimulated. Extreme examples suffered abuse IMO.
These persons are easily manipulated throughout their lives. It only becomes obvious to the victim later in life as maturity and intellect dictate status as an adult.
 
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