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Thread: Bullying

  1. #71
    Senior Member Array Digital Demi-Fiend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Maybe it's that old principle, how it takes 100 compliments to undo a single insult. Maybe the bad times were so bad that they shroud the good ones?
    That makes sense. You're probably right.

  2. #72
    Senior Member Array ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I remember when my bully lay in wait for me outside my math class. I came out to a huge gang of kids yelling and heckling me and this kid started hitting me. I fought back, damn right I did, and I totally kicked this kid's ass. But this didn't end the bullying for me - it only intensified it. It just gave them more to bully me about - "psycho!" The comment itself didn't bother me, but the fact that everywhere I went people whispered and giggled behind my back and I ended up isolated, that got to me.
    These comments look odd together... I wonder why it is that when some people fight back it works, whilst others find it just makes matters worse. I think what makes it worse for my daughter is that when she stood up for herself back at primary school (uh, I think that's equivalent to elementary in the USA) they did just laugh and laugh at her and that memory haunts her and makes her feel utterly powerless.
    It depends on the specifics a fair bit, but as I mentioned above, it has to end the empowerment trip that the bully is receiving.

    Typically with more emotional bullying, you need to first address it. "Do it again, I'm coming for you". Then you have to come for them, and tell them why. And you have to keep doing it until it ends. The problem with other solutions remains that you need the cooperation of the bully. This is extremely difficult to achieve, both for adults and for kids.

    Standing up isn't enough. You have to hurt the bully, directly. Saying "don't do that" is not enough. You have to step into the ring, no holds barred, and really aim to hurt them. Fighting back doesn't work either. You have to go to them.

    Always keep in mind the empowerment that the bully is getting. By walking up to the bully and ramming their head into a wall... well... that's not very empowering for them. Having them waiting for you, then attacking you? Empowering.


    (Even the bullied turning bully has to do with empowerment!)

  3. #73
    Senior Member Array substitute's Avatar
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    yeah pt you're right about that fighting back isn't enough on its own, I've also noticed that turning the tables so that you're the aggressor for a change can make a difference. Catch them off guard, so you're the one asking the questions and they're the one with their time of day disturbed for no apparent reason, feeling confused and defensive.

    Just sad though, that it has to be that way
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  4. #74
    not to be trusted Array miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    yeah pt you're right about that fighting back isn't enough on its own, I've also noticed that turning the tables so that you're the aggressor for a change can make a difference. Catch them off guard, so you're the one asking the questions and they're the one with their time of day disturbed for no apparent reason, feeling confused and defensive.

    Just sad though, that it has to be that way
    ^^ Just don't take that too far and become a bully yourself I guess
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  5. #75
    Senior Member Array substitute's Avatar
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    Haha, well if there's any type I'm going to listen to on this subject then it's ISTP, since I've never known an ISTP bully and all the ISTP's I've known have been able to hold their own.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
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  6. #76
    Senior Member Array Anja's Avatar
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    Aaaaah. I think you're doing it substitute. You're just so deep into the problem-solving process and the emotional distress that you can't see that you are doing it!

    Sounds like you've got the right idea. No one said it was going to be easy. It won't be. But don't give up. Set the example of personal pride and okayness, believe in it and support it in your daughter.

    Don't worry so much about what others are doing and thinking and keep focussing on the goal. Which is to help a little girl grow into a healthy woman not carrying a lot of resentment and anger and feelings of inadequacy around with her.

    Really. Focus on the good and that's what you'll help become established.

    None of us can change other people and when we try we waste all that energy which could be used to make us better people.

    And being better people builds that invisible shield from other's negativity. Yeah?

    Not to fuss daddy. She's got a good one.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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    Senior Member Array Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Kyrielle it's interesting that you say it made you turn your back on the world as a cruel place full of cruel people, basically. In my case I never blamed the world, I was well aware that it was 'just them' and they were the ones with the problem. I knew that the other people in school, most of whom didn't bully me, were just scared of being bullied too and that outside of school where those bullies weren't, the world was generally benevolent. Somehow I never lost my innate optimism... but it did become heavily tinged with cynical pragmatism...

    I think that's where we're different. I'm naturally pessimistic. Much moreso as a child. I have to sort of...create optimism which takes lots of time and energy. For example, seeing an unfortunate experience as a learning experience instead of something bad and painful that happened takes much contemplation and convincing of myself.
    "I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

    Robert Frost

  8. #78
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    The same people who turned a blind eye to bullying are still with us, only grown up and more politically correct, but have they changed at the core? That's something only to be take on an individual basis with solid proof. I've seen this side to human nature, seen teachers kowtow to it on occassion as well. I feel I was given a gift of truth, a view into the uglier sides of human nature. Nothing can change the wariness that brings.

  9. #79
    The Unwieldy Clawed One Array Falcarius's Avatar
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    For someone who is more or less a recluse these days, I was reasonably popular at school. I never really had any significant problems with bullying, it was rather like the odd incident here and there. The main reason was because I don't take myself all that serious so I was nearly immune to verbal bullying. I think if someone is going to insult myself it may as well be myself, that way it can be done properly. Also, I don't really take anyone seriously or respect them until they have earned my respect; So why the hell would I care about what some scoundrel who barely knows who I am thinks of me? I realised at a young age that it would be no fun to bully someone who does not care less about what others think of him. The whole point people bully other people is because they want a reaction, I did not play their game as I never gave them the satisfaction of a reaction.

    'The biggest critic of one is oneself; why do you think humans spend so long in front of mirror if it is not true?' - My journal from about ten years ago.

    As for physical bullying, I also never really had a problem with that either. I have no problem defending myself if someone is being aggressive towards me. I am a very laid back person, but having said that, I have a ridiculous temper when I do get annoyed if someone is really getting on my nerves. For example, I clearly remember I was in my science lesson one day, when some punk decided to throw a paper ball at me, while I was giving out the textbooks. Throwing things at a person who is handing out textbooks over an inch thick is completely retarded. I completely flipped out and threw four text books at his head, but that was not the end of it as I went over to him and whacked him a few times as well. Just put it this way, he was still sitting down so I had a major tactical advantage therefore he came off a lot worse. He ended up with several cuts and I ended up with two weeks suspension; one week for attacking the student, and the other week was because when the suspension over I had to have a meeting with a senior member of management and with my parents for discussing and evaluating the suspension, and I sort of said: "I'm not sorry about what I did and I would do it again. If I was the head of government and another country dropped a cluster bomb on my country, I would consider it an act of war, and most definitely fling a nuclear bomb back at them. A textbook is to a paper ball what a nuclear bomb is to a cluster bomb".
    Quote Originally Posted by Thalassa View Post
    Oh our 3rd person reference to ourselves denotes nothing more than we realize we are epic characters on the forum.

    Narcissism, plain and simple.


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  10. #80
    Senior Member Array Grayscale's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Haha, well if there's any type I'm going to listen to on this subject then it's ISTP, since I've never known an ISTP bully and all the ISTP's I've known have been able to hold their own.
    ive never been bullied as far as i can remember. i could bully others, but i think my sense of fairness leads me to go out of my way to ensure certain attributes dont tip the balance in my favor. aggressive demeanor and physical prowess could impede the facilitation of reason, then everybody loses. but then again, i value brains over brawn (in whatever form)

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