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Thread: Bullying

  1. #371
    Make 2017 a good one! Array Amargith's Avatar
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    Violence isn't always the answer.

    I loved how they approached bullying in Criminal Minds:


    McKee: “Well, Paul is being mean to Jack for some reason”

    Hotch: “How long has that been going on?”

    McKee: “A few weeks, Jack’s just his latest target. We’ve moved Jack away from Paul and we’re documenting everything of course”

    Hotch: “Well Jack says things are going very well at school, so the steps you’re taking must be working”

    McKee: “Thank you”


    Prentiss: “How’s Jack? …I just had a feeling”

    Hotch: “There’s a kid that’s being mean to him at school and Jack’s solution is to invite him over and make friends with him”

    Prentiss: “That is the sweetest and saddest thing I’ve heard. How did you find out?”

    Hotch: “He’s teacher told me”

    Prentiss: “Jack didn’t tell you? Ah that must me hard, he wants to solve it himself and you want to let him. But there’s probably a part of you that wishes you could step in?”

    Hotch: “There’s part of me that wants to protect him from everything that could hurt him, but I know I can’t”

    Prentiss: “No… But you can show him that he doesn’t have to face it alone”
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  2. #372
    Senior Member Array GIjade's Avatar
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    Yeah, if it would work, but usually it doesn't.
    “Oh, what a tangled web we weave...when first we practice to deceive.”
    ― Walter Scott, Marmion

  3. #373
    Make 2017 a good one! Array Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GIjade View Post
    Yeah, if it would work, but usually it doesn't.
    True. The thing is...it needs requires more emotional awareness than kids at that age usually have, plus it requires to school to really be on top of this and that it be tracked back home, so they can figure out what is going on in the bully's environment that is making him/her act out.

    And we're just not there yet as a society to provide that consistently.
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  4. #374
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    True. The thing is...it needs requires more emotional awareness than kids at that age usually have, plus it requires to school to really be on top of this and that it be tracked back home, so they can figure out what is going on in the bully's environment that is making him/her act out.

    And we're just not there yet as a society to provide that consistently.
    Because usually the parents don't have the emotional or mental capacity to not feel attacked and attack back when the school is just trying to help.
    Take what I say with a grain of salt, because that's all it is compared to the ocean of complexity when it comes to actions and real life.
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  5. #375
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    I was bullied my entire life. My brother did it my entire childhood and my parents did nothing to stop it. At 9, I beat him up one time even though he was 3 years older (I was bigger than him from about 7).The only thing they ever did was build a 6x6 room in the garage so I could be away from him, but it left me further isolated and cut off. I grew up believing I could never get help and I wasn't worth the effort. I never fought back again because he was the person who cared the most about me in the family, even though he was so mean.

    I had occasional issues with being bullied at school but I was largely immune because of my brother's abuse.

    I worked for some awful bullies over the years, that no one else could handle. My childhood immunity held, at least superficially.

    My wife started bullying me about 5 or 6 years into our marriage (though maybe far earlier). It only stopped after the breaking point last year and I went to therapy and asserted myself more.

    She still tries to bully her family. She really needs therapy, but at least she is slowly getting better.

    Given my parent's inability or unwillingness to help me, I should have beat up my brother a few more times. He would have respected my boundaries. I would have grown up far healthier. He is actually amazed today I didn't do so back then.

    My 10 year old is a bully to his 8 year old brother at times. I try to help my 8 year old set real boundaries and not give his brother satisfaction. My 10 year old gets so angry when he is left with no one to abuse.....
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

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  6. #376
    This user is always right Array geedoenfj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GIjade View Post
    Unless you either beat the shit out of them, or do something to show you're stronger than them. Then they respect you, and will leave you alone. Kind of like in prisons, which childhood is for some people, unfortunately. But kids aren't trained to do anything about bullying. Which is why, IMO, parents should enroll their children in martial arts, boxing, kick boxing, etc. when they're very young so that kids know how to take care of themselves on the playground and elsewhere.
    Yes.. I even encourage the idea that girls and women should be enrolled in martial arts to defend themselves against sexual assaults, never let those bullies win..
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  7. #377
    Symbolic Herald Array Vasilisa's Avatar
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    Default To the kid who bullied me in third grade

    Column: To the kid who bullied me in third grade
    BY Wendy Thomas Russell
    PBS NEWSHOUR
    May 12, 2016

    Excerpt:
    When I was in third grade, I was bullied by a kid named Ronald.

    Ronald was tall and strong. I was the smallest kid in class and relatively new at school. He would catch up to me in the coat closet and block my path so I couldn’t leave. Often he’d stand close, stick out his massive chest and call me “shrimp.”

    I dreaded the coat closet. I dreaded Ronald. And although I felt helpless and embarrassed, it never occurred to me to tell an adult. I thought bullying was, well, normal.

    Things are different today. Most children are told about bullying in kindergarten. They’re instructed on what bullying looks like and urged to report it immediately. Many schools have implemented zero-tolerance policies; one bullying incident, and you’re out.

    Unfortunately, according to a new report issued this week by the National Academies of Science, Engineering, and Medicine, these efforts aren’t working — not well enough, at least.

    The report, titled “Preventing Bullying Through Science, Policy, and Practice,” argues that bullying among youth poses a serious public health problem with significant psychological consequences — including depression, anxiety and the abuse of alcohol and drugs into adulthood. And it’s not just the victims who suffer. Youth who bully others are more likely to be depressed, engage in crime and other high-risk activities and have adverse outcomes later in life, the report says. Both victims and perpetrators appear to be at great risk for poor psychological and social outcomes and may even be significantly more likely to contemplate suicide.

    And those zero-tolerance policies? They aren’t just failing — they’re making matters worse.

    “There is emerging research that widely used zero-tolerance policies — those that impose automatic suspension or expulsion of students from school after one bullying incident — are not effective at curbing bullying or making schools safer, and should be discontinued,” the report states.

    Not only are these policies leading to increased academic and behavioral problems among those labeled as “bullies,” the report goes on to say, but they are causing bystanders to remain quiet out of concern that the schools will implement overly harsh punishments. Which, of course, they often do. As the report suggests, those who bully often suffer as much as those being bullied.

    I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to think the only time schools should exercise “zero tolerance” is when it comes to zero-tolerance policies.

    What constitutes bullying is a source of some debate — and it’s easy to see why. Generally, bullying is defined as unwanted and repeated aggressive behavior by youth, not including siblings or current dating partners (for some reason), that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance. Bullying can be physical, verbal or cyber. It can involve damage to a person’s body, emotions, reputation, education or property. One of the least-researched areas of bullying is that which occurs online – in chatrooms, through social media and via text message.

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  8. #378
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    ^ very much so. I had a discussion with my two elementary school sons last night on this topic. The school is zero tolerance on bullying, but does nothing with repeated bullying. In my son's mixed race school, they are a decided minority and so are picked on repeatedly. The school is well aware of the problem students, but refuses to deal with the problems. We have met with administration over this.

    So my 8 year old described the behavior of a student (running around hitting other students, pushing them down, kicking them, etc) I called it bullying. He responded, "But bullying isn't allowed." I laughed.

    And because of zero tolerance fighting policies, if a student responds to being hit, the student will get the same punishment as the bully. The school bullies are very good at making it look like the other student initiated violence, as well, something that the administration is well aware of.

    So, the end result is bullies engage in their behavior and often get away with it, as the other students become afraid to act.....

    It wasn't like this a few years ago. I need to move......
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so
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  9. #379
    like snow, like gold Array magpie's Avatar
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    I was bullied in middle and high school. When it was happening it really bothered me but I don't care anymore. That experience seems like such an unimportant part of my life. I've experienced things way worse and I've experienced things way better. I don't really care very much about the middle ground. Like I said, it bothered me very much at the time but I don't think school bullying had a lasting impact on me.

    Also, it's hard for me to hold a grudge against people who were just kids. They were just kids and I was a weird, weird child. I went for days sometimes not speaking at all. I think it was probably very hard to get to know me and therefore hard to see the humanity in me, especially considering children and teens have a harder time viewing people in human ways. Viewing people as humans. I think it's a brain development thing.

    It was an isolating experience though and I had people throw things at me a lot, like balls in P.E. and erasers on the bus. And do the typical things, like switch tables as a group when I sat down with people at lunch. So I just ate in the bathroom. Also, name-calling and someone threatened to kill me once. I don't think it was a very serious threat though. It all just seems really petty now and very, very human.

    I think the closer you are to middle or high school the more this stuff affects you. I'm 23. It feels like a different lifetime now. A lifetime where I was involved with people at least, in some sort of capacity.

    Also, I am by no means undeserving. It was karma for when I bullied a kid in fourth grade. I shouldn't have done that.
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  10. #380
    Junior Member Array Thehyperlexic's Avatar
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    Default NTs bullied horribly (and NFs bullied moderately)

    I'm INTP. I was horribly bullied throughout grade and middle school and had to resort to becoming physically violent myself to put an end to it. In any group setting however, with clear social groups and hierarchies I end up getting picked on. I'm 32!

    One thing I've noticed about a lot of Aspie NT types is that they tend to be lanky and slouchy and if you ask me, that there is a feast to a bully's eyes. The loner part doesn't help. I like to think I'm modelesque. But it's a dorky gait man. Nobody can deny it.

    As an aside. This will sound crazy but I ended up working as an exotic dancer for a while. I was a loner. It was all cliques. Everyone thought I was strange as I'd sit and talk about common interests with customers for hours and usually they'd be so intrigued they'd make it worth my while financially. Sometimes I was just too scared and stood there. Waiting for guys to come up to me. I wasn't the biggest earner but I had my own ways of getting customers and the girls found me repulsive and stole from me and tried to beat me up regularly.

    I have another INTP friend who was in jail and felt do threatened he ended up stabbing someone to feel safe. I totally empathized.

    I'm sure lots of the NTs who are the archetypal nerds had a lot of experience with acting delinquent to protect oneself and not be targeted as prey.

    That's how I ended up having my crazy life.
    Iconoboomclastic, call me fantastic, touch me and...

    ... wait no, don't touch me. I don't like being touched suddenly; it's too much overwhelming human contact.

    I'll email you.


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