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Thread: Bullying

  1. #361
    Dope& diamonds. Dyslexxie's Avatar
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    Because we'd just immigrated, I didn't speak English for almost two years in my pre-teens, so of course I was bullied like crazy because I was so different from everyone. I think I became fluent by the time I was 13 or so, at which point boys were starting to notice girls, and all of a sudden being foreign became exotic so it became my saving grace - boys liked me, so girls left me alone, generally excluding me but not being mean to me. For most of my teens I most had male friends, so I haven't been able to relate to women too well.

    The worst bullying I've ever experienced was probably in college, with this one girl who made it a point to belittle me, taunt me, force people to avoid me, and generally antagonize me for pretty much all 4 years. There were definitely times when it got to me and I'd be lying when I said that there weren't days when I was scared to go to class because of her, but I eventually got over it and even began to join her - when she laughed at my comments in class, I'd also laugh at myself and how stupid I sounded, which didn't really sit well with her.

    While I'm obviously not a fan of the experience, I think to some degree the movements to eliminate it all together seem to take it too far and try to reduce all sorts of criticism and opposition. Now it seems teachers can't even give feedback to kids because it'll hurt their feelings. I know it's a different issue but the ideas certainly transpire, and it seems that now we're looking at kids incapable of handling any form of criticism, who'll grow up incapable of functioning in society.

    To some degree I think that if I hadn't gotten bullied I would've been too shielded, maybe unable to relate to the experience of being marginalized, so while at the time it was awful, I'm okay with it. I have decently thick skin now thanks to it, so there in hindsight I'm okay with it, and thankful to these people that've helped me become stronger, even if that wasn't their intention. I'm definitely a 'glass half full' kinda gal.
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  2. #362
    Senior Member wolfnara's Avatar
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    I used to get bullied at school, but it got worse during teenage years. I remember seeing people I didn't even know laughing at me because of my awkwardness, right in front of me. That is the problem of living in a small place. Everyone knows everyone and when I was at school, I got bullied by a whole bunch of people because of the one person who happened to dislike me, and they were very popular, mainly because they were mean with a crude sense of humour and a big mouth. Random people threw insults and jokes at me and I didn't even know why or who the people were sometimes ( I remember hearing "freak" or "ew"). And why do people ask so many patronizing questions? I still don't get it. I had really bad social anxiety when I was younger and people took amusement out of it. Sometimes people stood up to them though (to my surprise) and they told them to leave me alone.

    But the true reason I did get bullied is because I was so timid I couldn't stand my ground, and therefore I let them laugh or criticize me. I didn't react in any way, so what was stopping them? If you don't stand up for yourself people will take advantage because they can. It can lose you respect too, although it depends on the crowd. Bullying is the most obvious example of the social hierarchy that exists within people. Some people bully others because they can, but they should know better.
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  3. #363
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    I was not as overtly bullied as my brother, but I had an odd role socially in school. I was mostly ignored and also on the receiving end of negative girl-games.

    I mostly avoided people, and developed skills that were important to me. It was helpful to become skilled at something because I think it confused the negative aspect of my life socially.

    I get really enraged when I see other people bullied and sometimes take action. I advise people to do what they can to avoid bullies and change their environment.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
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    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
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  4. #364
    Senior Member Babybop's Avatar
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    The problem is, even if I knew they were wrong, I never knew how to "fight back."

    If someone called me stupid, for example, what am I supposed to say back to that? "No, I'm not"? That sounds childish. What should I have done on any of the 5 occasions that guys at my school asked me out as a joke? What should I have said?

    It's been years and I still don't know. Next time someone makes fun of me, I won't know then, either.
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  5. #365
    Sweet Summer Child yama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EliaBlack View Post
    The problem is, even if I knew they were wrong, I never knew how to "fight back."

    If someone called me stupid, for example, what am I supposed to say back to that? "No, I'm not"? That sounds childish. What should I have done on any of the 5 occasions that guys at my school asked me out as a joke? What should I have said?

    It's been years and I still don't know. Next time someone makes fun of me, I won't know then, either.
    I totally agree. In elementary school this one girl liked to mock me and make fun of me a lot. In high school, I never thought I'd really see her again. And I didn't, until the second semester, I was walking to lunch and suddenly she was behind me, stepping on my heels and telling me to walk faster in this really snide tone. And I was so shocked at how rude and disgusting it was, but I didn't know what to do or how to react, so I did... well... nothing. What was I supposed to do, yell at her or something? Get into some kind of physical confrontation that would get me in trouble? Tell her to stop and get laughed at?

    It's a lot more serious than most people realize, I think, and very important. People always say "stand up to the bully" without realizing that that's just going to get you laughed at and bullied more. That's why people choose to do nothing. Without adequate adult intervention (because most of it's really lax and crappy and achieves nothing), it's actually just going to make the situation worse. It's so sad.
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  6. #366
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    I was bullied a ton when I was a kid. It got so severe that it was 1/2 the reason for changing school districts going from 7th to 8th grade (which in non-school respects was a downgrade). Honestly though, majority of it was completely justified. I was a weird ass kid with few functional social skills, and with a lot of unlikeable/undesirable qualities. As such I don't feel anything towards those people who did that to me. I honestly never even think about it until something makes me think of it.
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  7. #367
    Bummer geedoenfj's Avatar
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    Default Bullying

    Let's see.. I've got bullied at home, at primary school, secondary school, high school, in the college, thankfully not in work because I kinda have my own business.. so it's pretty much in every stage of development, what can I say people are jealous lol
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  8. #368
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    Oh, I sense this is going to be long.

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    Being-bullied level: OUTRAGEOUS


    I was born in a town with barely 15.000 inhabitants, and I turned out to be a little bit smarter than the average kid (IQ 136 if it means anything to you.. it means nothing to me, so), but I also was quirky. I was a mix of extraversion and introversion. I liked spending time alone building castles with Legos, drawing doodles with crayon on the walls, climbing trees to read on them. "Why do I have to go to kindergarten? I have toys and crayons and China ink and pencils and books and trees here. I already know how to read. There I only find guys hitting each other with wood blocks!". But, some other times I liked participating in school acts, take the microphone and read stories or tell jokes in front of 200 hundred people, ask awkward and undiplomatic questions to strangers, etc. I developed my own interest in knowledge and this bohemian style of considering and finding art in tiny or unnoticed things.

    I don't know the reason, but me being "smarter" than the rest wasn't liked. At all.

    (8 y.o. me), as I had 10/10 average and I was a little weird (asking existential questions, know a lot of maths, reading "adult" books (meaning the novels I read now), poetry, etc) compared to the guys , that were STILL hitting each other with wooden blocks, someone accused my parents of forcing me to study and be "excellent" and hitting me to do and be so. Which wasn't at all true because back then they were very kind and endearing folks.. So a social worker came home and stayed with us for a while. She made my mother throw away in front of me my birthday cake because "cooking it instead of buying it is a sign of overprotective parenting". Really?

    They soon found out that I was just a little quirky and that the denounciation wasn't true. But it set a precedent, and if there was another accusation, no matter if true or false, me and my baby brother would end up in a foster home, so I started failing tests on purpose, and not talking to anyone, so they wouldn't hold any kind of grudge. My mother became paranoid, and my dad became diabetic from too much stress. I also had to drop some activities, so I could spend more time doing what other kids did: hitting myself with wooden blocks and picking my nose, I guess, haha If I accidentally said something considered "great" by others, my classmates and teacher would torture me: "know-it-all", "we know you know, so stop being damn selfish and let others participate", they would kick my dog or throw stones to my house roof.

    When I finished primary school, I couldn't talk. Not only I couldn't ask for something in a shop, I couldn't think of ideas to say either, as I had been trying to dumb myself down to be unnoticed. I guess it became a habit.

    At some point, my mother joined their army too. So I was being bombed at school and at home too. The only way to forget that daily ammunition was doing my activities. I could focus on how to do things right and not in what was happening "out there".

    The first problem I mentioned never really ended, and it got entangled with other problems. I had never stopped being treated like garbage. Neither at school nor home. And I emphasize "home", because the fact of me having a boyfriend and stepping out of the cave -which should have brought joy or hope- gave me more trouble. Not only I discovered my mother read my messages, mails, checked phone calls and once read my whole chats once I forgot to log off the 'ole good MSN (which caused me to shout at her, and she shout at me and I ended up sleeping outside, just like the time my grandfather died of multiple heart attacks and, trying to be supportive, I told my mother I was happy he was dead because he wouldn't suffer anymore); but also I had to tolerate a paranoid mother that grabbed my hair to get me in the car so she could take me to the hospital so doctors would tell her if I had had sex with my boyfriend (remember the denouncement? She became what she had tried so hard to prove she wasn't!). What happened? I started screaming in the street so she would let go, but she pulled even harder, so I turned and slapped her. So we came inside the house and started shouting to each other until my father came in, and seeing all the mess, because of his diabetes, the sugar level started to rise, and when that happens he gets violent. But he used to shout only. This time that didn't happen because my mother started crying like a bitch and told him ONLY that I slapped her, so he slapped me and told me to stay quiet, but that's something I CAN'T do, so I tried to tell him what really happened, but he "kneed" me in the stomach "so I would REALLY shut up". So, when I could finally breathe again and my father had calmed down, I told them that if they ever touched me again or tried to drag me somewhere I didn't want to go, or step in my private things, I would call social services and tell them and invent things, and yes, was only going to have 10 months of foster care, but they would go to jail. Then, because of all the shouting, a neighbour called social services anyway and they had an interview with me, I said nothing happened, but told my parents I asked the woman for her number so I could call her, and they freaked out and left me alone for the rest of the year.

    To conclude the story in my hometown, I'll mention the last significant event of high school. "Wasn't over yet?" No!

    5th year. One of the girls from school found out I could dance ballet so she asked me to dance. I was happy because somebody was interested in what I did, so I danced. That very afternoon in the P.E. class (girls play volleyball and handball), we were playing handball. I don't know if you know the game, but when you throw the ball to score, you have to do what is called a "suspended jump" (or whatever translation it has), which consists of giving three steps, the third being pushing back with the free leg and jumping at the same time, so it's like you're suspended in the air. The very same girl that had asked me to dance, stepped on my foot while I was jumping. An I pulled every single muscle from my leg and now it doesn't work very well. I had black leg, 6 months of rehab, no more dancing because the leg can't tolerate certain movements, depression, hard medication that made me sick. But this what I like about myself (probably the only thing): despite being weird brought me all sort of problems, I still want to be weird. Let me rephrase that. The more life hits me for being weird, the more I'll want to be weird and be me and do something productive out of my weirdness.

    Then I moved 1000 miles away and I'm living happily with myself.

    In some way I'm thankful because it helped me to mold my temperament, my character, and establish my priorities in life. I'm not scared to talk back to anyone and my evident mysanthropic/sarcastic comments keep people in their place. I learnt that I don't have to care about what other people say/think/do. I live my life ignoring the rest, except if it benefits me. I never stopped knowing who I was and what I was capable of. And I'm done with the Hollywoodesque pep talk.
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  9. #369
    Senior Member GIjade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21lux View Post
    It's a lot more serious than most people realize, I think, and very important. People always say "stand up to the bully" without realizing that that's just going to get you laughed at and bullied more.
    Unless you either beat the shit out of them, or do something to show you're stronger than them. Then they respect you, and will leave you alone. Kind of like in prisons, which childhood is for some people, unfortunately. But kids aren't trained to do anything about bullying. Which is why, IMO, parents should enroll their children in martial arts, boxing, kick boxing, etc. when they're very young so that kids know how to take care of themselves on the playground and elsewhere.
    “Oh, what a tangled web we weave...when first we practice to deceive.”
    ― Walter Scott, Marmion
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  10. #370
    Senior Member GIjade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CitizenErased View Post
    Then I moved 1000 miles away and I'm living happily with myself.

    In some way I'm thankful because it helped me to mold my temperament, my character, and establish my priorities in life. I'm not scared to talk back to anyone and my evident mysanthropic/sarcastic comments keep people in their place. I learnt that I don't have to care about what other people say/think/do. I live my life ignoring the rest, except if it benefits me. I never stopped knowing who I was and what I was capable of. And I'm done with the Hollywoodesque pep talk.
    Wow, and I thought my life was bad. Sorry to hear about all you went through. But very glad you were able to grow into a pretty wise and strong individual.
    “Oh, what a tangled web we weave...when first we practice to deceive.”
    ― Walter Scott, Marmion
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