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Thread: Bullying

  1. #251

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    I've experienced it from a couple of bosses.

    I've looked back on the jobs in question and realised they didnt matter as much as I imagined at the time, student jobs, although when I was in that space it was really damn significant.
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  2. #252
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    I've experienced it from a couple of bosses.

    I've looked back on the jobs in question and realised they didnt matter as much as I imagined at the time, student jobs, although when I was in that space it was really damn significant.
    Haha, hindsight really is 20/20, huh.
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  3. #253
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    HollyGolightly and Bubbles' posts about teacher bullying are really upsetting. It also happened to my brother. I admire both of you for surviving it. I might have mentioned my brother earlier in the thread a long time ago. His 5th grade teacher (whom he idolized) would bully him and once stuffed him in a garbage can. His third grade teacher was in a small church school and had sons who bullied my brother with approval.

    The bullies that are the most upsetting are the ones who have the most implicit power like teachers, people with authority or social power, or enormous people who have never had to exercise a bit of courage because the world clears a path for them for no other reason than that they are enormous. The bullies that are kids acting out their own abusive parents or siblings elicit sympathy, but some bullies are just so protected and elitist that they are too stupid and naive to have a dim clue about being afraid or hurt. They just enjoy their power and sense of superiority not realizing they have a completely undeveloped sense of courage or comprehension.

    I mostly avoided such people, but had one occurrence when a 400lb mass of muscle that played for the university football team gave me a hate stare. They were mostly all horrible on that team, being constantly on the news for rape and battery. I can guarantee that one I had to see every day for a summer course was a completely coddled wimp and coward on the inside.
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  4. #254

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    Studies Reveal Why Kids Get Bullied and Rejected - Yahoo! News

    This article is good but it doesn't address the effects of learned behaviors from dysfunctional and/or violent homelife. It acts as if children enter school always wanting interaction and just simply not knowing how best to engage others.

    It doesn't address children who overreact to negative non-verbal gesures and withdraw further, either.

    I entered school already afraid of other people. I didn't trust anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. I tried to be totally closed off and thus I hurt, insulted others without even realizing that I mattered enough to others for them to feel this way and I was also seen as strange. Being strange/unfriendly allowed others to dehumanize me (including some teachers) and use me as target for bullying. I withdrew further, trying to solve the problem but of course it only made it worse.

    Teachers saw me as having a bad attitude and willfully not trying to get along. By the time they stared trying to influence me, I was stuck very fast into a feedback loop that told me the best thing I could do for myself and everyone else was to withdraw tightly.

    This article presents the story as if clueless pushiness, thoughtless rudeness and selfishness with playground equipment were the only causes of children not being able to get on with peers. What about children who go too far the direction?

  5. #255

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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Studies Reveal Why Kids Get Bullied and Rejected - Yahoo! News

    This article is good but it doesn't address the effects of learned behaviors from dysfunctional and/or violent homelife. It acts as if children enter school always wanting interaction and just simply not knowing how best to engage others.

    I entered school already afraid of other people. I didn't trust anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. I tried to be totally closed off and thus I hurt, insulted others without even realizing that I mattered enough to others for them to feel this way and I was also seen as strange. Being strange/unfriendly allowed others to dehumanize me (including some teachers) and use me as target for bullying. I withdrew further, trying to solve the problem but of course it only made it worse.
    Karen Horney's one of the best to give accounts of how early hostile environments, like the family home, can result in neurotic trends which include withdrawal (the others being moving towards others, ie dependency or masochism, and moving against, ie sadism and controlling/domineering behaviour, withdrawal I think she categorises as moving away from people).

    The thing is, taking a developmentalist approach, which I think is the only one that really makes sense, then people have potential and actively grow. So I think people have innate drives to relate to others, form attachments etc. and if these dont get satisfied or realised one way or another problems arise, sometimes they dont get realised as expected. Although, to use an analogue (spelling), you dont blame a lettuce, for instance, if you plant it and it doesnt grow to plan or as expected.

    So I think people do go to school wanting to relate, even if they've come from a hostile environment, what way they develop if it becomes difficult for them or how it effects them is pretty varied.

    Jung became a huge introvert/introspective type and his psychological theorising reflects that. Horney created some great theories from her own observed experiences and reflection, however she had a number of unhappy relationships and experienced serial relationship breakdowns.

    Everyone develops in their own way and I think it can leave people vulnerable to either becoming bullies or victims.
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  6. #256

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    So I think people do go to school wanting to relate, even if they've come from a hostile environment, what way they develop if it becomes difficult for them or how it effects them is pretty varied.
    Maybe some children, even most, do but some children are already closed off to trust in others by the time school age comes. When I entered school, I just wanted to stay unnoticed. That was already my M.O. with others.

    My complaint with the article is not that what they are saying is wholly wrong for all, that's not what I mean at all.

    I am saying by skipping over the withdrawn children, they aren't presenting a complete picture.

  7. #257

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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Maybe some children, even most, do but some children are already closed off to trust in others by the time school age comes. When I entered school, I just wanted to stay unnoticed. That was already my M.O. with others.

    My complaint with the article is not that what they are saying is wholly wrong for all, that's not what I mean at all.

    I am saying by skipping over the withdrawn children, they aren't presenting a complete picture.
    True, true. Properly withdrawn people are a rarer breed than other sorts, like kids that want friends and think bullying is friendliness.

    I wasnt saying that people are withdrawn just that they have the same needs whether they are withdrawn or not, actively withdrawing, no matter how counter intuitive it seems can be a way of trying to manage or make connections or relate to others.
    It is a luxury to be understood - Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities - Voltaire

    A kind thought is the hope of the world - Anon

  8. #258

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    The article presents the problem as one of just a lack of awareness of non-verbal cues on the part of the child and that they simply need to learn social skills. But what if that's not the only issue with some children who are social outcasts? What if some of them have issues deeper attachment issues and such? The article presents itself as pretty definiative on the issue.

    Learning and practicing social skills could certainly benefit everyone but it won't fix deeper issues and then if a child is sent through a program of teaching social skills and still stays withdrawn, can't get along etc, then I fear that teachers and other adults will see that child as just a willfull troublemaker.

  9. #259
    Senior Member mr.awesome's Avatar
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    ive been through some traumatic bullying experiences through my middle-high school life. haha. not terrible, but i was always so sensitive that it just was so brutal. its sorta been a constant thing since 8th grade pretty much.. it was set in stone i was just wierd. the scrawny wierdo. its been on and off since then. this week i was made fun of for looking like 'an auschwitz victm', and looking like a girl. ive learned to tune it out. nonetheless it definatly shaped my personality since it began. unfortunatly.
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  10. #260
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mr.awesome View Post
    ive been through some traumatic bullying experiences through my middle-high school life. haha. not terrible, but i was always so sensitive that it just was so brutal. its sorta been a constant thing since 8th grade pretty much.. it was set in stone i was just wierd. the scrawny wierdo. its been on and off since then. this week i was made fun of for looking like 'an auschwitz victm', and looking like a girl. ive learned to tune it out. nonetheless it definatly shaped my personality since it began. unfortunatly.

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