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Bullying

Lark

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Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
You are not coming to an end, dear Lark, only your individuality. And unbeknownst to you, every time you log into the electronic tribe, Typology Central, in the global village, you are whittling away at your literate individuality, and replacing it with a role, called Lark in Typology Central.

Fortunately for you, dear Lark, as this operation is performed on your psyche, you are anaesthetised by the content of the Forum, and so you feel nothing, and can fantasise about your individuality.

So like the rest of us, you are vulnerable, slightly comical, and being swept along on the course of history.

Didnt read your post because you did that whole creepy "dear lark" business.
 

Mole

Permabanned
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Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
Didnt read your post because you did that whole creepy "dear lark" business.

Let me put your mind at rest, Lark. I have you on Ignore so to read your posts I have to actively take you off Ignore before I can read you. It is as though you are on parole, it is as though a red flag appears when you post, a warning that something offensive is about to happen. This might seem unfair to you, but for someone so well read you seem to be entirely without insight. It is as though I am talking to a blind Irishman who keeps bumping into me. At first I would say, don't worry, it's only me, but you never laughed, and kept on bumping.

But I give the devil his due, and you are remarkably persistent and resilient. I feel I would really like to speak to your mother about you in order to understand you better. What do you think she would tell me about you?
 

LightSun

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#9
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/four-ways-bully-proof-your-kids-school-year-dan-lawson

Dan Lawson
Owner, Catholic Therapy Solutions
WARNING: If you read this title and believe I have engaged in "victim shaming," have become spontaneously angry, or are unable to tolerate conversations about bullying-please STOP, this is not for you. For all others, please read on. Sitting down to write this, I know I'm going to ruffle some feathers with this article. No, I am not "victim shaming." Yes, I believe bullies are bad, and no I am not going to take the road of analyzing the bullies, or their poor parent structure, or any of the other various hypothetical reasons for their barbaric behaviors. I am a pragmatist. I want my children, and other children, to become strong. Strong enough to change the culture they are living in.

Bullies, by their very nature are always weak in character. Therefore, in a society without much character (just watch the news to observe the way adults behave), we are going to continue to produce bullies in our homes, schools, and yes, even our workplaces (Bullies grow up). I figure writing this is a two-for-one deal. The goal is to offer parents ways to make their children stronger and protect them from the bullying they might experience, and simultaneously reduce the likelihood that other children will become bullies themselves.

Bullies have parents too. Written below are four key ways I have found to help children avoid being victimized at school this year, and make them psychologically strong. All of these methods are to be used before your kids ever walk into the classroom.

1.) BUILD A STRONG PERSONAL CULTURE:
I define personal culture as the values that determine our behavior.
A child with strong personal culture asks the question,
"How does the person I am/or the person I want to be, act in this situation?"

We don't want children to rely on an outside system of values at school, because it doesn't really exist. Your child's personal culture needs to be stronger than the environment they walk into. If it isn't, they will likely try to please people or be manipulated by them. Many times, this leaves a child open to bullying.
One way to help your child build a strong personal culture is to slow down conversations and ask more questions during episodes of discipline.

Assume that the child is trying his or her best and use questions like; "I know that you love your little brother, so what were you trying to do? How do you think that decision benefits you?" Questions help children internalize their own morality and code of conduct. They also help personalize and clarify values.

2.) IDENTIFY YOUR CHILD'S SUPERPOWER: Realize that every child is gifted at something. Teachers do not have the time or resources to ID your child's strengths. That remains the job of the parents. Recognizing your child's superpowers becomes easier when you can see how they best contribute at home.
When children are directed to contribute at home they develop a healthy sense of identity and deeper purpose. Doing things that they are naturally gifted at ensures that they grow in confidence and self-worth. Remember that experience increases confidence.

3.) KEEP THEM MISSION FOCUSED: As a parent, it becomes helpful to work with your children on the reasons why they are doing what they are doing. This makes them more intentional and seen as more powerful by their peers. It also puts them at less risk to be bullied. Intentional children work toward their dreams. When children are working toward their goals, i.e. making the spring musical, playing on the JV Baseball team, or being the valedictorian of their class, they are on a mission.

Being on a mission means that children are focused. That focus creates power and confidence. Things, people, and ideas that aren't aligned with that purpose aren't as disruptive or distracting because children know what's next and why. Being on a mission also attracts real friends through shared interests. People who have a destination in mind connect and grow together.

Children learn how to partner with each other faster and contribute even more in their relationships. Also, because the relationships share a purpose, they are less likely to become divisive. As a parent, you want to keep your kids on that mission. Talk about it, return to it, and ask questions about it. Remember that it's their mission, not your mission.

4.) GIVE COMPLIMENTS: We become what we focus on. At home it is important to help your children remain aware of when they are successful. Success that isn't talked about, doesn't exist. This does not mean cheerleading. When children do something that reveals their superpower or inner goodness, ask them a question. Questions like, "How did you come up with that good idea? or What did you do to get such a great math grade?" offer your child invitations to reflect on their success and natural abilities.

By focusing our questions on "what's working" we help our children keep momentum. That momentum is helpful in dealing with setbacks and reality (kids will fail and make mistakes). It also helps reduce parental fears that can make things more difficult. Remember that regardless of where your kids go to school or what they are learning, their first school is the home. Ensure that your home is a place of safety, encouragement, and growth. Parents control what happens at home, and what gets attention. The work we do as parents has the power to change our world. Here's to having an awesome school year to you and your family.
 

LightSun

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#9
To me the bullying problem is the pink elephant in the room. Everybody knows it is a problem but we don't wake up and deal with it. If it wa taken seriously and given priority it could be curtailed. Going to school should not be an ordeal during our formative ears when the discovery of self is going on. Children deserve safe haven away from their home life.

It also plays into developing a sense of self. Why should a child's early life be marred by bullies who are probability wise come from dysfunctional home lives. By attacking bullying we help victims and perpetrators by identifying them and intervening in their home life. Ideally we could teach them a more appropriate way of interacting to get their needs met.
 

dougvincent1138

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Jan 13, 2018
Messages
50
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INFJ
To me the bullying problem is the pink elephant in the room. Everybody knows it is a problem but we don't wake up and deal with it. If it wa taken seriously and given priority it could be curtailed. Going to school should not be an ordeal during our formative ears when the discovery of self is going on. Children deserve safe haven away from their home life.

It also plays into developing a sense of self. Why should a child's early life be marred by bullies who are probability wise come from dysfunctional home lives. By attacking bullying we help victims and perpetrators by identifying them and intervening in their home life. Ideally we could teach them a more appropriate way of interacting to get their needs met.

Yes, I agree, it seems like bullying isn't taken as seriously as it should be, at least here in the U.S. where I live. I think it's time that we start calling "bullying" for what it really is: abuse. At the very least, emotional abuse, but sometimes extending into physical and sexual abuse as well. People think of child abuse as something that is perpetrated by adults, but children can be abusers of other children as well. However, as you pointed out, many of the children who are abusing other children have been abused themselves at home. With child-on-child abuse, it's almost worse, because both the abuser and abusee are victims in a way.

I was "bullied" (abused) relentlessly by both kids at school and my older brother growing up. I have DID (dissociative identity disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder), and while we have figured out that the first "split" was due to witnessing my brother being gruesomely injured when I was four years old, the relentless peer abuse is probably why we have so many "parts" or "alters". We have 70 parts, and while I have heard of other DID people having much more than that (we met a woman once who had over 2,000), it's not exactly a small DID system either. Part of our therapy has been trying to figure out the specific incidents that caused each of us to split, and in many cases, they were specific incidents of things that our brother or kids at school did to us. Of the 70 parts that we have, 64 of them split between the ages of 4 and 18.

Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to the problem of bullying. A lot of the things that my parents told me to make me feel better, unfortunately, didn't really help. I love my parents, and they tried to do their best to help, but there was only so much they could do when I was often too afraid to tell them (or any other adult) a lot of the things that were going on. And a lot of their advice, like "just ignore them" or "don't let them make you angry" or "remember that they're probably only being mean to you because they're jealous of your good grades", was good advice in theory, but hard to put into practice when I/we had such a low self-esteem.

I don't pretend to have all the answers to the problem of bullying in schools, but I understand the problem all too well. We have only recently, in the last few years, through a LOT of therapy, begun to improve our self-esteem and see that we are not as worthless as the bullies convinced us so thoroughly that we were. It hasn't been easy. I feel for all of the children who are still being abused every day by other children in schools, and in some cases, at home too, by their siblings. I wish I could help them all, teach them that they are good people who deserve to be loved.

Doug Vincent
 

dougvincent1138

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Joined
Jan 13, 2018
Messages
50
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INFJ
To me the bullying problem is the pink elephant in the room. Everybody knows it is a problem but we don't wake up and deal with it. If it wa taken seriously and given priority it could be curtailed. Going to school should not be an ordeal during our formative ears when the discovery of self is going on. Children deserve safe haven away from their home life.

It also plays into developing a sense of self. Why should a child's early life be marred by bullies who are probability wise come from dysfunctional home lives. By attacking bullying we help victims and perpetrators by identifying them and intervening in their home life. Ideally we could teach them a more appropriate way of interacting to get their needs met.

Yes, I agree, it seems like bullying isn't taken as seriously as it should be, at least here in the U.S. where I live. I think it's time that we start calling "bullying" for what it really is: abuse. At the very least, emotional abuse, but sometimes extending into physical and sexual abuse as well. People think of child abuse as something that is perpetrated by adults, but children can be abusers of other children as well. However, as you pointed out, many of the children who are abusing other children have been abused themselves at home. With child-on-child abuse, it's almost worse, because both the abuser and abusee are victims in a way.

I was "bullied" (abused) relentlessly by both kids at school and my older brother growing up. I have DID (dissociative identity disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder), and while we have figured out that the first "split" was due to witnessing my brother being gruesomely injured when I was four years old, the relentless peer abuse is probably why we have so many "parts" or "alters". We have 70 parts, and while I have heard of other DID people having much more than that (we met a woman once who had over 2,000), it's not exactly a small DID system either. Part of our therapy has been trying to figure out the specific incidents that caused each of us to split, and in many cases, they were specific incidents of things that our brother or kids at school did to us. Of the 70 parts that we have, 64 of them split between the ages of 4 and 18.

Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to the problem of bullying. A lot of the things that my parents told me to make me feel better, unfortunately, didn't really help. I love my parents, and they tried to do their best to help, but there was only so much they could do when I was often too afraid to tell them (or any other adult) a lot of the things that were going on. And a lot of their advice, like "just ignore them" or "don't let them make you angry" or "remember that they're probably only being mean to you because they're jealous of your good grades", was good advice in theory, but hard to put into practice when I/we had such a low self-esteem.

I don't pretend to have all the answers to the problem of bullying in schools, but I understand the problem all too well. We have only recently, in the last few years, through a LOT of therapy, begun to improve our self-esteem and see that we are not as worthless as the bullies convinced us so thoroughly that we were. It hasn't been easy. I feel for all of the children who are still being abused every day by other children in schools, and in some cases, at home too, by their siblings. I wish I could help them all, teach them that they are good people who deserve to be loved.

Doug Vincent
 

LightSun

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This is on school bullying. It is a pervasive problem that is not addressed. What can be done about it? My view as a starter is to have some form of empathy skills taught in the school system. This is for teaching humanity how to act humanely, to have a heart and realize the scope of our actions and how they affect us. This is the heart element that is that is missing. The teaching of critical skills and reason is the other element that is currently missing in our school system.

Currently we have the regurgitation of facts and data but we don’t have a skill course on how to think reasonably and balanced. This would provide mindfulness on how we think, speak, act and write without the use of cognitive distortions the like of generalizations and labeling, etc. Unfortunately the human condition recognizes like material that has been processed. It does not do well with new information that is not part of one’s repertoire.

I have ceaselessly made the case for both empathy and cognitive skills training in the school systems. It has not caught fire. It is my specialty and I recognize the import of these two variables in raising a new generation of children. I am not immune to the lack of assimilation of new data. Say new books or research. If I don’t recognize it, it can easily be discounted. We need specialists we can trust to help usher in new changes that we may not be comfortable with due to lack of familiarity.
 

Norexan

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Bulling is result of weak 8. Showing agression in raw materialistic way.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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This is on school bullying. It is a pervasive problem that is not addressed. What can be done about it? My view as a starter is to have some form of empathy skills taught in the school system. This is for teaching humanity how to act humanely, to have a heart and realize the scope of our actions and how they affect us. This is the heart element that is that is missing. The teaching of critical skills and reason is the other element that is currently missing in our school system..
Finland does many things better than we do when it comes to education. They give it a higher priority, and are much more goal oriented about it. They recruit the best and brightest university graduates to the teaching profession, then turn them loose to teach, without micromanagement or excessive administrative duties. They don't waste time on much standardized testing, yet their students consistently are among the top performers, especially in math and science.

If we want our students to do better, there are obvious models out there to follow - with modification, of course, due to some significant cultural differences. That fact that we don't implies it just isn't important enough to American society.
 
Last edited:

LightSun

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#9
Finland does many things better than we do when it comes to education. They give it a higher priority, and are much more goal oriented about it. They recruit the best and brightest university graduates to the teaching profession, then turn them loose to teach, without micromanagement or excessive administrative duties. They don't waste time on much standardized testing, yet their students consistently are among the top performers, especially in math and science.

If we want our students to do better, there are obvious models out there to follow - with modification, of course, due to some significant cultural differences. That fact that we don't implies it just isn't important enough to American society.

Coriolis wrote, (all quotes are Coriolis followed by reply). (1) "Finland ...better than we do when it comes to education."

(2) " They give it a higher priority, and are much more goal oriented..."

(3) "...recruit ...best...brightest university graduates...teaching profession..." and "...loose to teach, without micromanagement or excessive administrative duties." and "They don't waste time on much standardized testing, yet their students consistently are among the top performers, especially in math and science."

(4) "If we want our students to do better, there are obvious models out there to follow - with modification, of course, due to some significant cultural differences. That fact that we don't implies it just isn't important enough to American society."

I agree with everything you said. I am empiricist by philosophical bent but hold many humanitarian goals and ideals. To me we put the time, money and resources on education, children, lessening the wage gap between the super rich and poor, healthcare and increasing our countries happiness ratio quota. But we as a society (generalization) worship fame, power, beauty and wealth. We say one thing but don't walk the talk of the various religious scriptures focusing on the inner kingdom or self for true happiness and worth.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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Coriolis wrote, (all quotes are Coriolis followed by reply). (1) "Finland ...better than we do when it comes to education."

(2) " They give it a higher priority, and are much more goal oriented..."

(3) "...recruit ...best...brightest university graduates...teaching profession..." and "...loose to teach, without micromanagement or excessive administrative duties." and "They don't waste time on much standardized testing, yet their students consistently are among the top performers, especially in math and science."

(4) "If we want our students to do better, there are obvious models out there to follow - with modification, of course, due to some significant cultural differences. That fact that we don't implies it just isn't important enough to American society."

I agree with everything you said. I am empiricist by philosophical bent but hold many humanitarian goals and ideals. To me we put the time, money and resources on education, children, lessening the wage gap between the super rich and poor, healthcare and increasing our countries happiness ratio quota. But we as a society (generalization) worship fame, power, beauty and wealth. We say one thing but don't walk the talk of the various religious scriptures focusing on the inner kingdom or self for true happiness and worth.
For a society that often claims to be primarily Christian, even founded on Christian principles, we collectively do not even follow the example of Christ very well.
 

Forever

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America teaches us to adopt a Luciferian consciousness through its media be it in whatever form.

Clearly a low level of being.


Because the value of it, isn't learning really, it's confirming what we already do.
 

Mole

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Because this is a personality site, some believe they have a right to make personal attacks. However this is bullying, and even group bullying.
 

Novella

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Early interception is key. Kids isolate and bully from a very young age. They need to be taught from the onset that bullying is not acceptable. The problem is that teachers either deny it, parents don't want to admit to their kids being little demons due often their own failures in parenting or some other factor/s are at play.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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Because this is a personality site, some believe they have a right to make personal attacks. However this is bullying, and even group bullying.
Please report personal attacks. Do remember that attacking (i.e. disagreeing with) someone's views is not a personal attack. A member espousing an unpopular opinion can expect multiple other members to disagree with him/her. Their disagreement is allowed, as is expression of the unpopular opinion, as long as it all remains civil.
 

Snow as White

ƃuıǝǝs | seeing
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For a society that often claims to be primarily Christian, even founded on Christian principles, we collectively do not even follow the example of Christ very well.

it isn't too surprising given the way the core principles have been hijacked by human agendas. God is supposed to be love, not hate this group over here or over there.
 

Yuurei

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it isn't too surprising given the way the core principles have been hijacked by human agendas. God is supposed to be love, not hate this group over here or over there.

I recently saw something called #nomoremercy (something like that)and it was a pro-life cause.

Right. No mercy, that concept which Jesus-whom they claim to follow-adamantly preached. Aside from that, is the simple fact that a lack of mercy strongly implies cruelty and violence upon other humans.

I cannot even comprehend how this is supposedly acceptable behavior for a "good Christian."
 

Snow as White

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I recently saw something called #nomoremercy (something like that)and it was a pro-life cause.

Right. No mercy, that concept which Jesus-whom they claim to follow-adamantly preached. Aside from that, is the simple fact that a lack of mercy strongly implies cruelty and violence upon other humans.

I cannot even comprehend how this is supposedly acceptable behavior for a "good Christian."

Ah yes, everyone remembers the part of the bible where Jesus says, Let's fight these bitches.

There is so much of that in extreme groups of people. I wonder how much pain someone has to be in in order to sign onto this kind of attitude.

That kind of stuff is usually why I tend to keep my spiritual beliefs to myself. I don't want people to think I believe in kooky crap like the above or that I am here to convert them.
 

Mole

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Please report personal attacks. Do remember that attacking (i.e. disagreeing with) someone's views is not a personal attack. A member espousing an unpopular opinion can expect multiple other members to disagree with him/her. Their disagreement is allowed, as is expression of the unpopular opinion, as long as it all remains civil.

Terrible things were said about me by YUU to humiliate me and stop me from talking and thinking about Fantasy and Reality. This emotional assault on me continues and continues and the moderators have no wish or ability to stop group bullying.

It is passing odd that on a site devoted to the individual, social control is maintained by group bullying.
 
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