Ehh indeed. It's a scary thought that you're walking about with a ticking time bomb in your skull.
You know, it's not that hard to realize that bullies don't make you who you are. It's you, yourself, that has full control on that. If you are to look for any culprits as to who fucked you up you should look in the mirror first, because that's where the problem seems to be.
I've been bullied occasionally, I never cared about it though. Could usually laugh about it. I've always been very apathetic towards stupidity. Unless they do something that get me in an awkward position. I'd usually find a way to swing the embarrasment back towards the bullier, preferably in front of as many people as possible. It's quite effective.
But dude, walking about with certainty that you are capable of murder and will comply with that if you get the oppertunity is sickening.
Get over yourself.
edit: I'm assuming you're open about it because you too realize that this can't be the proper course of action and are sampling peoples opinions to get a better sense of direction in your life. So, with that assumption, work on this, and find a better solution to your problems. Starting with yourself.