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Thread: Bullying

  1. #201
    Junior Member Array So Long So Long's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by laughingebony View Post
    I read it. I feel your pain, too. I wasn't bullied to the extent you were, but there was one group of kids who picked on me from elementary school all the way through part of high school. They weren't the stereotypical bullies in that they didn't steal my lunch money or cram me in lockers, but they always knew just the right things to say to make me feel awful about myself. It was continuous, too; I couldn't get a break. I tried about everything to get them to stop, barring physical violence. I tried ignoring them, reasoning with them, bribing them, talking to teachers, having my mom talk to their parents (that only made it worse), and making fun of them, instead, but none of it worked. Then, around tenth grade, they started to grow up, and everything was fine. By my senior year, I had a wonderful group of friends and was on good or neutral terms with everybody. Hopefully it will work out the same for you. Most bullies do grow out of bullying eventually.
    Yeah, I wouldn't say that my bullies were stereotypical; I would say it was much more verbal abuse than being shoved into a locker. Though I did have my share of tripping/shoving, etc. In fact just last October I was walking into my school and a kid tripped me and I fell onto the ground hard - everyone was laughing, my book bag and everything inside of it had fallen out onto the ground and I did realize that my knee caps and elbow were both bleeding pretty badly until I ran up into my Science class. Ah, good times. :p I think for the most part I just took most of the bullying, to be honest. I didn't enjoy it, but there was no means of escape. My parent's and my school had let me down too many times before for me to try and put my false hope in their unstable hands again.

    And I've been told that people outgrow being a bully, but I have yet to see it. Apparently once people hit High School they outgrow it, but I don't know. I mean, I remember one time when I entered into my Science class and a girl threw a penny and it hit me head, then she took a picture of it and recorded the conversation afterwords and wouldn't stop laughing and I'm pretty sure she sent it to all of her friends afterwords and I'd never done anything to her. Plus, there was a time where I was assaulted by perfume spray... But yeah. Sometimes people are just jerks and assholes for the rest of their lives and I really hope that some of those people burn in hell one day because they deserve it.

    Thank you, though. It means a lot to me that you read it, even thought it was incredibly long. lol.
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  2. #202
    12 and a half weeks Array BerberElla's Avatar
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    I wasn't bullied in school, I was protected by my height a lot of the time, plus my father would have beaten me senseless if I allowed anyone to win a fight at school.

    I hated bullies though, my closest friends were all type of kids other people would pick on, and I would wait for the bullies outside of school and terrorise them for fun.

    It was fun actually, Their tough act would vanish when they came out of those school gates to see me there. I didn't waste time with insults either, I just dived straight at them.

    I guess this made me the bully, since I made their life hell and I was the teachers pet at the same time, but I only targetted people who attempted to bully people weaker than them.

    I started a new school when I was 15, I wanted a fresh start and didn't want to get into fights so I had a different attitude on the first day of school. By the end of the week I had some girl trying to bully me with her gang.

    I did what I was told to do, I turned my back on her and went to walk away, and she and her mates attacked, stupid girl really shouldn't have done that.

    When I was finished with her she was off school for a week, and her mates avoided me as much as possible. She came back but was so jittery around me, according to all the weaker kids I spoke to, she had been bullying them for years and they were all over the moon to see her so broken.

    I wasn't, I hadn't wanted to be that person again.

    If my kids were being bullied I would tell them to fight back, it's honestly the only way (I know) to deal with bullies. Hiding behind your parents or the teachers only makes it worse.

    Then again my ISFJ friend put her son in kickboxing, and he hasn't needed to fight back. Because his confidence increased through the lessons, his demeanour changed, and this must have pushed the bullies away from him because now he doesn't get bullied and is truly enjoying school.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

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  3. #203
    weightless Array iwakar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    I hated bullies though, my closest friends were all type of kids other people would pick on, and I would wait for the bullies outside of school and terrorise them for fun.
    This screams ENFP to me. In fact, you strike me as a reserved ENFP. I know it's a derail, but I felt compelled to note.

    I encountered bullies in 5th and 9th grade. It was hell.
    "There is no god; there is only us. Savage and fragile."

  4. #204
    Member Array Fingers Superstar's Avatar
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    I've been bullied and been a bully myself, I relentlessly teased other kids, even kids who were bigger and beat me up. I suppose it became a sort of coping mechanism. I regret it now because I was harsh in certain cases, when I came to that realization I never teased anyone again.

    Nietzsche - What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

  5. #205
    12 and a half weeks Array BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    This screams ENFP to me. In fact, you strike me as a reserved ENFP. I know it's a derail, but I felt compelled to note.

    I encountered bullies in 5th and 9th grade. It was hell.
    Thanks though, it's helpful.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  6. #206
    Senior Member Array Lark's Avatar
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    I think bullying's linked to aggression and it's generally either proactive or reactive, reactive is get out of my space, pro-active is some how goal orientated and its much worse, likely to be repetitive and correspond to or reinforce any sadistic traits operating in its author's personality constellation.

    It's a difficult one, as an adult intervening in bullying behaviour, well, I work in a childrens home and we're trained to de-escalate situations, always, even if that involves removing the stimulus, ie the victim/target (this is similar to how some bouncers are trained to operate you know), and, secondarily, teach some kind of emotional intelligence lesson, identify the feeling, identify the behaviour, link it to consequences, recommend an alternative behaviour when those feelings arise again. I cant say that either practices are ever achieved that seamlessly or smoothly in practice.

    In my personal experience though I find that reacting with overwhelming force or rebuke is all that works, sometimes in minor encounters perfectly mirroring the inappropriate aggressive behaviour of another is sufficient to get some kind of result, ie tone, raising your voice, without escalating the situation to a physical confrontation.

    Recently I did that with someone who rudely shouted at me across a waiting room that I couldnt read when I had not seen a sign saying that eating was prohibited, he'd neglected to speak to me any of the times I asked in a lowered tone if it was permitted to eat and I didnt see any sign, the guy was perturbed enough simply by my mirroring his behaviour that he implicated his young son in his behaviour and I felt that demonstrated he was a coward aswell as a jerk.

    When I was younger I found that if someone picked on me at school generally they'd leave me alone if they discovered that I'd over react, most aggression is simply "get out of my space", at least in the animal kingdom. I experienced two cases where this was not the case, one of which was, in retrospect with an adult understanding, bizarre and sexualised and I'd conspired to make it something that someone in authority with responsibility simply couldnt ignore. They had to deal with it to my satisfaction then.

    I've experienced lousy managers who bully their staff or just about anyone else and pass it off as forcing people out of their comfort zone or some BS like that, they generally get scared if you play them at their own game. I responded to deliberate pressurisation once by reminding a manager of their health and safety obligations to their staff and they advised me they couldnt talk to me because they thought that I was initiating a formal grievance.

    Sometimes its impossible to win in those situations and fighting it out just makes you ill but I take comfort in the fact that anyone like that wont be able to contain their BS to their jobs, its bound to spill over to their other relationships and ultimately they're miserable, whether they fully acknowledge it or not.

    Anyone who bullies, especially those who pass it off as something else, generally likes to submit to a higher authority and brutalise subordinates, the the personality Eric Fromm suggested naturally gravitated to fascism or something like it, I suspect they find modern life more frustrating than anyone else.

  7. #207
    Senior Member Array Lark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fingers Superstar View Post
    I've been bullied and been a bully myself, I relentlessly teased other kids, even kids who were bigger and beat me up. I suppose it became a sort of coping mechanism. I regret it now because I was harsh in certain cases, when I came to that realization I never teased anyone again.

    Nietzsche - What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
    I guess I have bullied people too, when I was a teenager a went through a phase of becoming the thing that I feared the most and was pretty thuggish as a consequence.

    The irony was that I was popular enough because most of my energies where devoted against some pretty anti-social people, my mature adult self tells me that it wasnt really a good enough excuse but anyway, I couldnt sustain the cruel behaviour it took to remain top dog and eventually met someone bigger, meaner as I was "going soft".

    Karma gets them all in the end.

  8. #208
    Senior Member Array wildcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    When I am bullied here, I am invariably told, "It's just a joke".

    This is the way bullies hide their bullying. They hide it behind a joke.

    And this is a very good technique as many here hide their immaturity behind a jokey mask - it almost seems reflexive.

    And those who have yet to discover their own voice and style, bitterly resent those who have.

    And it is this immature, bitter resentment that leads to bullying.

    And this kind of resentment is better described in French as ressentiment.

    And it is so ugly, it must be disguised as a joke.

    And calling it a joke puts the victim off guard.

    But such jokey behaviour is the norm here.

    It provides the perfect cover for bullying.
    It is about resentment yes. What is the other factor?
    Hiss the flag up .. do not leave it in the half mast.

    Resentment and . . . . . to resent. Five letters.
    Too hard?

    Okay. I help.

    Resentment and . . W . . to resent. Four letters to go.

  9. #209
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    So long needs a lot of hugs. Her life sounds like a long version of summer camp for me. I know what it is to be bullied badly. I know this guy, who turned an entire 400 people against me. That's 400 people telling you you're worthless and retarded. Even the authority actually helps him. Everyone loved him and hated me. [edited] The OP is stronger than I am. I'm impressed that she has such strength. Keep it up, you'll get through it!
    Last edited by Kasper; 06-22-2009 at 04:09 AM. Reason: threats removed

  10. #210
    Member Array Fingers Superstar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mortabunt View Post
    So long needs a lot of hugs. Her life sounds like a long version of summer camp for me. I know what it is to be bullied badly. I know this guy, who turned an entire 400 people against me. That's 400 people telling you you're worthless and retarded. Even the authority actually helps him. Everyone loved him and hated me. [edited] The OP is stronger than I am. I'm impressed that she has such strength. Keep it up, you'll get through it!
    You sir need your head examined.

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