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Bullying

Unique

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I was bullied a lot in school and because I was never that "on paper" smart even the "nerds" would make wisecracks at me, I stuck with my ENFP best friend and managed to get through it okay in the end I dropped out though

My first workplace I was bullied a lot and ended up leaving because of it

Then I worked for myself for a while and hung out with old high school friends (the ones that were good to me)

Now that the economy is shot that small business isn't doing so crash hot so I have a job again but so far no bulling...
 

Siúil a Rúin

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In seventh grade I attended a small public school, and a handful of the girls were bullies quite similar to what you see in "Mean Girls". They would tell people, "go away", "your hair smells", and just stupid things intended to embarrass. They harassed teachers who weren't able to get control. They also dressed up like cheerleaders for Halloween which struck me really funny, although they were dead serious about feeling and being "popular". I also attended schools where fist fights were a daily occurrence. It was a rural cowboy town. Very often some group of people just declare themselves popular even though people don't like them. They make everyone afraid of them because they are willing to cross lines and be mean. It is that willingness to cross accepted social boundaries that is threatening because there is no way to measure just how many lines the person will cross.

In high school, I went to a Christian boarding school where most of the kids also worked on the farm half-time. Having a group of 14-18 year-olds hundreds of miles away from home 24/7 and insecure is a great recipe for enhancing bullying. There were a few scape goats chosen that everyone had permission to treat like crap. One girl chosen in particular had mental problems. I'm not sure what her diagnosis would be, but she clearly had issues and would sometimes break from reality. She was loud enough to try to fight back which made her the ideal target. When she dropped her tray in the cafeteria, everyone would just roar. When she threatened to commit suicide, everyone would say, "go for it". She would come sit in the room where I would play the piano and write music. She learned all my songs. One time in choir she turned around and loudly said, "you spit on me". I understood her and the larger dynamics and knew why she insulted me. It was because she knew I wouldn't insult her back, and I didn't. She looked so happy when I apologized. It's easier to be mean, but takes pushing back against the insecurity of dozens or hundreds of people to act based on reason and understanding of everything going on, rather than just protecting self in the most obvious manner.

Bullying typically means you have something you need to prove. It wreaks of insecurity and a lack of perception about what is going on with other people. I'm not impressed with bullying behavior, but can usually guestimate several reasons as to its cause, and understand how impersonal it actually is. It comes from someone fixated on self to the point they can't see much else. It is an expression of neediness, although dressed up as being dominant.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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Power imbalances with parents is one major cause of bullying. It was enlightening when I met some of my naughtiest students' parents. Authority figures who seem weak, insecure, or unable to create boundaries for their children make the kids feel insecure and like they need to fill in for the dominant role. These kids tend to overcompensate their insecurity by being dominant in the only ways they know how, namely behaving in a mean and rude manner.

On the other side, parents who are oppressively dominant can make the child feel insecure and powerless. Those children who then act out their powerlessness on younger siblings or pets learn that they can feel powerful again by hurting something weaker than they are. They essentially copy the parent.

Another major cause of bullying is reacting to peer groups in which bullying occurs and for whom many have had the parental power imbalances. There is probably also some room for genetic inclinations towards violence and such, but more often I think it can be traced back to power imbalances with parents. Bullying by its nature is a reactionary behavior and not evidence of a person who is in control of their own person and attitudes.
 

rainoneventide

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My dad constantly bullied my mom and me, so I always looked to my mom for comfort. But she would bottle up her emotions until she couldn't hold them back anymore, and they always burst out at me. I used to be extremely outgoing and friendly, but after living in that environment for so long, by 5th grade I was withdrawn and already expecting the entire world to mirror my parents' actions. People other than my parents started bullying me when they sensed those expectations. Then I would come home, where my parents wondered why their kid was such a weird loner.

I'm not bitter for the person I am today, but thinking about the way my parents treated me, and how no one noticed my drastic personality change, and how my parents have remained ignorant about the effects of their behavior to this day just makes me really, really angry. They haven't changed (well, they're divorced now), and I still automatically see people as potential bullies, but at least I recognize where these feelings stemmed from--for a long time I thought I was just born naturally miserable and antisocial.
 

Lark

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Power imbalances with parents is one major cause of bullying. It was enlightening when I met some of my naughtiest students' parents. Authority figures who seem weak, insecure, or unable to create boundaries for their children make the kids feel insecure and like they need to fill in for the dominant role. These kids tend to overcompensate their insecurity by being dominant in the only ways they know how, namely behaving in a mean and rude manner.

On the other side, parents who are oppressively dominant can make the child feel insecure and powerless. Those children who then act out their powerlessness on younger siblings or pets learn that they can feel powerful again by hurting something weaker than they are. They essentially copy the parent.

Another major cause of bullying is reacting to peer groups in which bullying occurs and for whom many have had the parental power imbalances. There is probably also some room for genetic inclinations towards violence and such, but more often I think it can be traced back to power imbalances with parents. Bullying by its nature is a reactionary behavior and not evidence of a person who is in control of their own person and attitudes.

Erich Fromm

Fromm's a pretty good guide when considering destructiveness, the bit on families is a little like the points you've made, I think they're good points.
 

INTJ123

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I'm pretty sure that everyone experiences instances of bullying at some point in their lives. Some deal with it better than others; some head it off at the pass and it becomes just a series of isolated and rare events, whilst others don't manage to neutralize it early enough or at all, and end up being ground down by it for years.

I suffered from ruthless bullying all the way through school and it cut my self-esteem into ribbons and contributed to my spending the first 20 years of my life pretty downtrodden and very isolated.

I've learned that the choice of who gets bullied can be pretty arbitrary and is mainly nothing to do with the actual qualities or characteristics of the victim themselves. But if there is any deciding factor it's this: bullies only pick on people who they believe will not fight back. But the crucial factor in 'successful' bullying is that the victim must not glimpse this thruth: the victim must absolutely believe that they really ARE ugly, dumb, that nobody likes them, that they're not worthy of being treated as a human being. Because if they begin to realize the BS level of what the bullies tell them then they just might start fighting back.

But I've learned that simply losing my temper and yelling doesn't help - it didn't work at school either. If I did that, the bullies would just laugh at me and then I'd feel ten times worse. So the only way to check-mate it is to unleash my inner sadist and throw some barb that makes them feel ten times shittier than they wanted to make me feel. But not everyone has it in them to do this.

Is that it then? It's rather sad if that's it; if the choice is to either bully or be bullied. There must be another way.

I'd like if people here could talk about their experiences of bullying, and if anyone's found a way to deal with it, what is it?

Parents - how do you deal with it when your children get bullied?

I'm interested in comments from people who might be or have been bullies themselves. I want to explore the mindset of both bully and victim, in the hope that I'll be inspired with *something* to tell my 11 year old daughter when she comes home crying again tomorrow :(

umm well... I wasn't ever really bullied, because I always stood my ground.
But I got this crazy story you probably wouldn't believe, back in high school when I was a senior, I had PE with the biggest bully in school, this guy literally weighed 240 pounds, we weighed ourselves at certain points of PE. This guy had beef with basically all my friends, one of my friends faught him previously too. So naturally one day he started beef with me, I stood my gound as usual and he went away, but.. later on when my back was turned he hit me in the back of the head and then it was ON! This was like a fight to the death experience for me, it was the craziest fight and the whole school didn't shut up about it for a week. At the end of the day I had a broken rib and I broke my hand on his face (mike tyson!). He got seriously hurt too, he didn't show up to school for a few days. But when he did, he came to me and showed me respect afterwards, admitted that I punched him 50 times and then made peace which was odd to me, I thought he would want more beef, but like you said they don't want the victim to fight back. But in the end, I really don't think the respect I earned from the bully and sudden school fame was worth breaking my hand over, I have like half a freggin knuckle now on my right ring finger.

So the moral of the story is, well violence sucks. Sorry if you didn't gain anything from this, but I was reliving my memories.


Oh and there are 3 types of people when it comes to fights, The Raging BULL (bully), The tactical, and the Runner. I'm sorry but I immediately placed you in the runner catagory when I read your post. Maybe some martial arts lessons would boost your confidence.
 

jixmixfix

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I've had problems with parents all my life, and during elementary school I was bullied a bit. During high school I was extremely quiet until I picked up and learned jiu-jitsu. Then I become very confident and started to become alot more confident withmy self and my social situations. It still takes me a bit to get comfortable with people.
 

lillyofthevalley

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I was teased as a kid because I was really tall for my age, but nobody really bothered me much. My son is a different story. He was short, wore glasses and was exceptionally bright and enjoyed reading. Most of the time he was bullied on the bus, he used to come home with rubber bands stuck in his hair, or the bus was late dropping him off because the kids threw his books out the window. One time when he came home I could tell that he was really disturbed about something, a kid had punched him in the face on the bus. I knew that this kid was catching the bus down the street but he didn't actually live in our district. I called this kids house and told his grandmother that the next time this kid bullied my kid, I would call the cops and I would make damn sure this kid was sent to another school. I never heard another complaint about him. There was one time I got a call from a teacher from my son's gifted school that he went to one day a week, she told me that she had to report my son because he slugged another kid in the face, I thought she might have the wrong number because that was really out of character for my son, but she told me that she wanted to call me in person because she was concerned that I might get too harsh with my son about it, she wanted to tell me that the other kid deserved it. There was nothing I could really do about the abuse. I offered to take my son to school so he wouldn't have to ride the bus but he refused, he didn't want to stand out. My son always insisted on being himself and dressing the way he wanted and not like the other kids. I used to tell him that one day he would be successful while those other jerks were working at a grocery store. Now my son is 29 and leads a team of softwear developers who design really cool stuff for the government.

One thing I've learned as I've watched these neighbor kids grow up is that most of the kids who ere little shits grew up to be normal, decent adults. I think some children have self image problems to deal with, and hanging out with their buds picking on others makes them feel more secure about themselves.
 
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Lilly, I'm really proud of your kid.

I really can't word how much stuff like this would bother me. I ended up 'standing up for justice' in my last years of high school. Whether to interfere or not didn't occur to me. Bullies frustrate me so much. In dealing with people, i am not one to consult at all, but I know that when you have a solid sense of yourself, or are proud of the things that inhabit your spirit, you can hit the haters back with some sense and logic. Hate for hate is a cycle that won't end 'til one is left standing, until another who's tougher comes along. When you make sense, people with a presence of mind tend to back off. This is only my experience.

Best I can say is find that fearless region of your thinking and refuse to be afraid. My condolences to anyone troubled by fools.
 

Katsuni

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Hate the concept of bullying. I generally escaped most of it, but the mere reactions to it are DISGUSTING.

Seriously... whot do we have?

Theft (steal lunch monies)
Bribary (pay yeu to be quiet)
Extortion (gimme yeur money or I rat on yeu)
Assault (beating kids up)
Rape (it does occur, even very early on sadly...)
Murder (rare instances)
Liable (several ways this can occur)
Uttering death threats (hardly uncommon)
Verbal abuse
Hate crimes
etc
etc
etc

It goes on for ages... these are crimes that if they weren't kids, they'd be locked away in prison for for years at a time apiece. If yeu tell a teacher, or yeur parents, or a police officer, do yeu know whot happens? They tell the bully to stop. And then leave. Specifically, they leave yeu alone with the bully, who's now pissed as hell that their drunken parents at home are probably going to beat them for it, so they're going to beat the hell out of yeu for saying something about it.

Really, do yeu wonder why bullying is so commonplace? Because they don't get punished, and yeu're in DEEP trouble if yeu say anything about it.

How about the ONE crime on that list that anyone actually takes seriously? Murder? That's generally done by the victems of crimes that've been done for years on end... and can yeu truly honestly blame them? If yeu take an adult, have their food stolen from their lunchplace every day, their house broken into, their car stolen, death threats sent to them in the mail, beaten senseless on their way home and their wallet stolen, raped, and told if they tell anyone they'll be murdered... and then they go to the police and tell them all this crap that happened to them, and they're told "we're not going to do anything about it, how about yeu just go tell the thugs "NO" in a polite manner and give them a hug?".

Really, do yeu honestly expect them to take that advice, or do yeu expect them to take justice into their own hands as obviously the ones who're supposed to haven't done a damned thing about it?

I don't condone murder, a permenent solution to a temporary problem seriously isn't worth it. Killing people won't fix them, yeu want to correct their behaviour, not end it. Waste of human life that could've been better spent honestly. There's some cases it doesn't work, but that's not for the individual to decide, unless it's in self defense when they don't have a choice.

But the fact is, given the crap that kids go through, and how little care is given to them? Seriously, whot is the main thing children were told for the longest time? "Just say NO". Because yeah... that's going to help. Tell that mugger on the street NO and see how long it takes for yeu to get a knife in yeu.

Just because they're children, doesn't mean they're any less at risk. They're MORE at risk because they can't 'buy a gun for their protection', and they can't go to the police, they can't get any aid, and the crimes are literally just as severe, yet downplayed to not appear as much harm.

Living in fear should not be a part of growing up. Being a victim of some of the worst crimes possible and having no recourse to it is NOT okei. At some point yeu have to look at this from an objective point of view and just go "WTF is wrong with yeu people? How can yeu have so disturbingly gross of a doublestandard as this?"

And yet, it's not taken seriously. Until it goes too far and someone dies... unless that person committed suicide due to the bullying. Then they STILL don't do anything about it despite that it took an innocent's life. If they hit the bully back though there'll be hell to pay.

Sad isn't it?

Collumbine and all those other things never should've happened. Not because the kids shouldn't've shot the hell out of people, but because they never should've been put into that position where they felt they had to in the first place because noone would listen to them. There were many ways to prevent it long before it ever got that far, before they even THOUGHT of doing anything like that. It should've been taken care of before they even considered the mere idea of getting a gun for retribution.

And yet... we still haven't learned our lesson, and leave the exact same situations to occur, to fester and grow, and somehow expect the result to be any different than before. Nice to see that we have smart people running our schools huh? Sure does fill yeu with a sense of hope that maybe they'll actually teach the kids something useful, like how to not drool on themselves, considering that seems to be the limit of whot the people we put in charge of the school boards are capable of.

There's obviously exceptions, but this lunacy is far too widespread to be healthy. People have got to just stop downplaying bullying. It's dangerous as hell, and it's REAL CRIME, that is LEGAL. And I don't mean that kids may go to juvinile detention centers, it's very rarely the case... I mean that very often they're never disciplined at all. Or if they are, it's by an abusive parent.

And no, video games didn't cause it. Neither did tv. The children's crime rate has DECREASED since the introduction of video games, despite a growing population. Not to mention that the vast majority of the bullies who commit the vast majority of the crimes, don't have tv or video games at all, because the vast majority of these bullies live in abusive households where their parents, instead of buying a tv, spent all their money on beer.

Sigh.

Anyway, I'm just going to stop now, this's bugging me too much. And I didn't even have to put up with the majority of this crap, it's just disgusting to watch when noone seems to even care >.<
 

Wild horses

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I was subject to bullying when I was a junior and then again a couple of years ago. I found that I handled both situations exactly the same way; I completely ignored the bully and the bullying because I began to see that what the bully wanted was a reaction and it didn't matter if it was a good or bad reaction. In both cases it was a very hard line to take because it's difficult not to react when people are making such blatant attacks however, it took a while but in both cases the bully got bored and it stopped. In fact in both cases I became pretty good friends with the bully. It was insightful because I was able to talk to them about what had made them bully me in the first place and what had made them stop! The girl who had bullied me in juniors remarked that she had become so frustrated by me ignoring her taunts that in the end I just completely wore her down and she had to stop because there was no reaction. It turned out that she was having a really difficult time at home and desperately craved attention! We became best of friends, however, our friendhsip has been up and down since then. So I don't know if this would work for everyone, however, it certainly did work for me.
 

NewEra

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I would say the best way to deal with it is to report the bully immediately. Don't let things escalate, because you don't have to. You have a choice in the matter, and if you don't want to confront the bully, just report him. It will work most of the time.
 

Spamtar

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check out Bully OnLine: bullying in the workplace, school, family and community, action you can take, stress, psychiatric injury, PTSD, resources, case histories, news and contact the media for an interesting viewing.

below is their FAQ list in part

"How can I find information quickly at Bully OnLine?
Use the site search engine or check the site map or site index.

What is bullying?
Click here.

What's the difference between bullying and mobbing?
Click here.

What's the difference between bullying and harassment?
Click here.

What's the difference between bullying and management?
Those who can, do. Those who can't, bully. Good managers manage, bad managers bully. Bad managers reveal themselves by bullying. Click here for a list of differences between a manager and a bully.

Bullying is just tough management, isn't it?
Bullies prevent employees from fulfilling their duties, bullies are usually inadequate at their own job and survive only by plagiarising (stealing) other people's work, bullying is a breach of contract (a breach of the implied term of mutual trust and confidence), bullying causes injury to health and PTSD , bullies incur vicarious liability for the employer, etc.

Why did he/she pick on me?
Because you were good at your job, popular with people, unwittingly invited unfavourable comparison with the bully's inadequacy simply by being competent, were in the wrong place at the wrong time, blew the whistle on something (perhaps unwittingly), were vulnerable in some way (eg need to pay the mortgage), and because bullying is an obsessive, compulsive and addictive behaviour the serial bully has to have someone to bully.

Why me?
Click here.

How do bullies select their targets?
>Click here.

What are the triggers that cause bullying to start?
Click here.

What is it about me that causes bullies to pick on me?
Because you have a lot of positive qualities of which the bully is envious. Click here.

Why did I let it happen to me?
See previous answers. Because you had little or no knowledge of bullying, no training in how to deal with it, those around you denied or ignored it, you didn't recognise the bully as a sociopath, the bully disempowered you, you were vulnerable, you're honest and unwilling to compromise your integrity, the law is weak, jobs are scarce so you were frightened to report it, personnel and management probably didn't help or took the side of the bully, etc.

What did I do to deserve it?
Nothing. See previous answers. It is NEVER the target's fault - it is always the bully who is responsible for their behaviour; however, bullies project their behaviour onto their target and claim their target is the one with the "negative attitude" who is "aggressive" etc. Treat each criticism or allegation as an admission by the bully of his or her own failings and inadequacy. A target of abuse simply happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time - and probably has plenty of predecessors and successors.

So what can I do about it?
Lots, although justice through the legal system is difficult at present. Read everything (books, this web site) and decide whether you want to a) leave, get another job with an employer who values your skills and become financially stable, b) take legal action, c) fight bullying on a wider scale, d) get a settlement and do something different (perhaps more useful and rewarding) with your life, e) follow another option, or f) a combination of these. It's a personal decision that only you can make.


I thought I was the only one this was happening to.
Almost everyone who is abused thinks this. Abusers encourage it, for it disempowers and silences you. However, there are many people in your situation - with workplace bullying, perhaps half the workforce. The reason so few people report their abusers is for fear that "no-one will believe me". See the section on denial. They are usually correct - but things are changing. You can help the process of change.

I never thought I would be a victim.
You're not a victim, you're a target. The word "victim" allows some people to tap into and stimulate prejudices and preconceived notions about "victimhood", eg that it's all your fault. Some academic research has unfortunately perpetuated this and other myths. It is not your fault - bullies are abusive personalities and predatory, and the bully has deliberately and intentionally targeted you. It is the bully's pattern of behaviour (constant nitpicking criticisms, specious allegations etc) which reveals intent. Click here to see the reasons why people are targeted.

I was bullied at school and now I've been bullied again at work. Is there something wrong with me?
No. You've been targeted at work for the same reasons you were targeted at school, ie you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, you are a person of integrity (bullies despise people with integrity for it reminds them of what they don't have), etc etc. It is the bully's choice to bully. Bullies have a compulsive need to bully and will target anyone who is available. Click here to see the most common reasons why people are targeted.

I was bullied months / years ago and although I enjoy my current job and my boss is supportive I still have this nagging feeling that I'm not good enough and that people think I'm a failure. Why is this and what can I do about it?
This is common to all people who have suffered long-term abuse, particularly verbal abuse (at work or at home) which focuses on "you're not good enough". As adults, people gain most of the sense of value and self-worth through their work and their relationships, so when you're repeatedly told how useless and incompetent you are - and before you've worked out you're not dealing with a decent human being but with a serial bully / nutcase / jerk / loser - the subconscious steadily soaks up this message until one becomes convinced that somehow it must be true. Logic alone is not enough to override it.

Why don't you just stand up for yourself?
Because in almost every case when you assert your right not to be bullied, things get worse. The bully senses that their tactics of control and subjugation are not working and, worse, that you can see through his or her mask of deceit. The bully's paranoid fear of exposure (of their weakness, inadequacy and incompetence) goes exponential and the bully moves into phase two - elimination. For a list of reasons why people are prevented from asserting their right not to be bullied click here. It's similar to why victims of abuse can't and won't report the abuse.
 

icmlite

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I think it really depends on what environment the kid is in for his/her schooling.. like, I wouldn't say that I was ever the victim of bullying throughout elementary, middle, or high school because the kids at my schools valued compassion and intellect over crass, self-serving behavior... I know that as a kind of thin, nerdy kid who paid too much attention to the tall pretty girls, I probably would have been picked on mercilessly in many other environments, but I was in a place where being myself was the norm, so nothing like bullying ever really manifested. If you have the means, you may want to consider just finding a different place to get educated or get an education for your kid, a place where being yourself is totally fine with everyone else. It may sound like a fantasy, but that's how I grew up, and I wouldn't say that I was particularly privileged.. middle class at best, and I was placed in my school based on pure geographical convenience. Maybe I just got lucky.

Confidence is a big part of any interpersonal relationship. Having it (or even just projecting it) will ward off a lot of small-time confrontational types, and the ones who stick around might merit some additional attention (legal or otherwise).
 

Chimerical

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Victim.
He was always telling them lies about me. I didn't understand it, and I was convinced they believed him. Initially I watched as and screamed out inside. Felt like I was behind soundproof glass, I could watch but there was nothing I could do. Those were lonely times :[.

Transition.
One night I decided it'd be best to ignore him. This was years later. I isolated myself from him, but he was friends with all my friends, so I didn't see them much anymore.

Secret life.
We were older now, both out of high school. I discovered college parties and groups of people he'd never want to be around. I befriended the misfits of the world. I was never telling the family where I was anymore... I felt belonging.

Defender.
Often, my friends were picked on. I never liked that. I'll understand their pains and woes and do whatever I can to get rid of it, no one should feel what I've felt! Fights were never fought for me. I didn't matter, I was already gone.

Drunken Night.
He wasn't a drinker. This night he drunk too much, and he needed someone there with him. He tells me he always put me down cause I was so different, but refused to be anything other than me. He said he wished he could be himself the way I am. He said sorry.

Rebuild.
I'm gradually gaining self esteem. I know what I worth, but I don't always feel it. I know I'm great, but I still fall into nothingness.

Motivation.
A starving man can't feed a starving man. I have to be strong. Otherwise I can make sure others don't feel what I've felt. This is where I'm at now. Anytime I cheer someone up it's a stepping stone for cheering me up too.

Bully...
I've had horrible moments I'm not proud of where I've been the antagonist. In the moment it feels good having control. Afterwards it feels horrible thinking of then feeling what they must've felt. Worse is the feeling I'm an evil monster of terror, I want help not hurt.

This is my experience the best I can describe it.
 

skyler

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I found that fighting dirty, at places where the teachers couldn't intervene or witness anything was great for scaring the shit out of bullies. I think a couple of them actually thought I was going to kill them.

Someone I knew (much later as an adult) told me about being relentlessly bullied as a child by a specific group of kids. I think he was a target since he was overweight and gay (although he never told, people figured out). After getting beat up, harassed, having things stolen, he'd had all he could take. 5 or 6 years of humiliation was all he could do. He nearly killed one of his tormenters by holding him under in the swimming pool. He'd let him up for air only for a second and then hold him under again repeatedly and told him if he ever messed with him again he would finish the job the next time.

After that, he said no one every touched him again. They called him psycho and some other names but didn't dare touch him.

In a twist of fate, as an adult and a business owner he had one of the former bullies apply for a job at his business, not knowing who owned it. Needless to say he didn't get the job and got quite an earful.

I'm still surprised I was never bullied, since in some ways I would've seemed a natural target. Kids can be so relentless and use all their resources and imagination to hurt and destroy someone else. So sad.
 

Soar337

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I used to always get picked on because I never wanted to fight back in fear of hurting their feelings (Haha, how stupid) Don't really now though, I've learnt to assert myself more when I need to (unless I can't be bothered).
 

4375

New member
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
55
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
4w3
I was a smaller kid growing up. For most of my life I lived on a farm and went to a private school. When I was 9, I lived in a town for a year. All of my classmates lived outside of town. I had to make friends with kids in town who did not go to my school. So I was already an outsider and I got bullied all the time. A year later we moved back to the country where I lived till I was 16. Then we moved to a small city.

One day I was out skateboarding with my friends and a car of three guys swerved at us . I didnt know this at the time, one of my buddies gave them the finger as they drove away. They took exception to that and decided they were going to have a talk with us. All of my friends were about to take off. Something came over me where I thought, "I am not going to let people bully me anymore, I am not running." When my buddies saw me standing there they turned around and came back. One guy got out of the car and started to try to intimidate me and said if we didn't leave he was going to beat the shit out of us.

I told him we were not leaving. He tried to push me, I didn't move. He elbowed me in the face and I did not feel a thing. I stood there and looked at him. He pushed me again causing me to step back. I took one step forward towards him and stood my ground. Finally his friends said, "Come on, let's go."

It really changed my life forever. I never let anyone bully me again.
 

Perseus

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2008
Messages
79
MBTI Type
INTP
I'm pretty sure that everyone experiences instances of bullying at some point in their lives. Some deal with it better than others; some head it off at the pass and it becomes just a series of isolated and rare events, whilst others don't manage to neutralize it early enough or at all, and end up being ground down by it for years.

I suffered from ruthless bullying all the way through school and it cut my self-esteem into ribbons and contributed to my spending the first 20 years of my life pretty downtrodden and very isolated.

I've learned that the choice of who gets bullied can be pretty arbitrary and is mainly nothing to do with the actual qualities or characteristics of the victim themselves. But if there is any deciding factor it's this: bullies only pick on people who they believe will not fight back. But the crucial factor in 'successful' bullying is that the victim must not glimpse this thruth: the victim must absolutely believe that they really ARE ugly, dumb, that nobody likes them, that they're not worthy of being treated as a human being. Because if they begin to realize the BS level of what the bullies tell them then they just might start fighting back.

But I've learned that simply losing my temper and yelling doesn't help - it didn't work at school either. If I did that, the bullies would just laugh at me and then I'd feel ten times worse. So the only way to check-mate it is to unleash my inner sadist and throw some barb that makes them feel ten times shittier than they wanted to make me feel. But not everyone has it in them to do this.

Is that it then? It's rather sad if that's it; if the choice is to either bully or be bullied. There must be another way.

I'd like if people here could talk about their experiences of bullying, and if anyone's found a way to deal with it, what is it?

Parents - how do you deal with it when your children get bullied?

I'm interested in comments from people who might be or have been bullies themselves. I want to explore the mindset of both bully and victim, in the hope that I'll be inspired with *something* to tell my 11 year old daughter when she comes home crying again tomorrow :(

It said that ENTPs can become isolated. This is usually because they spook the Horsemen ESFJ who can behave like bullies, but proper Bullies are ESTJ.

All the SJs can gang up against NPs. And even more JS Judges against PN Dragons.
 

onemoretime

Dreaming the life
Joined
Jun 29, 2009
Messages
4,455
MBTI Type
3h50
It said that ENTPs can become isolated. This is usually because they spook the Horsemen ESFJ who can behave like bullies, but proper Bullies are ESTJ.

All the SJs can gang up against NPs. And even more JS Judges against PN Dragons.

I noticed the isolation in my experience, but bullying per se was rare, if only because we're fairly tit-for-tat. The bully would get what's coming to him, either within the bounds of the system, or if that didn't work, outside of those bounds.
 
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