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Thread: Bullying

  1. #91
    Senior Member Array Anja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    There's more to standing up or fighting back then mere "getting even", there is holding someone else accountable for what they do.
    Agreed.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  2. #92
    Senior Member Array substitute's Avatar
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    haha yeah, that reminds me of the times when, since I made my determined decision not to ever stand for bullying again, I've done some pretty foolhardy acts of courage... one springs to mind in particular... an ex-con who worked at the community centre I was volunteering at, he was built like a brick privy, covered in tattoos and had been inside for armed robbery and violent stuff. He kept swearing and throwing his weight around all the time and I don't know what got into me, I stood up to him and actually faced him down, looked right in his eyes and didn't flinch. I was scared as hell cos I knew he could kick nine bells outta me in seconds and I wouldn't have a prayer, but somehow I knew I just had to do it.

    I read in one of Dumas' books once about Dartagnan: "His first impulse was to be afraid and then, being ashamed, he would force himself forwards." or something like that. I relate to that a lot!! LOL
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  3. #93
    Senior Member Array Anja's Avatar
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    There are times when we act out of impulse and it turns out good. . . Hee.

    I had a friend who was a psychiatric nurse who told me of a psychopath who put his hands around her neck. She was this teensy bit of a woman.

    "What did you do?"

    "I looked him in the eye and said, 'Take your hands off my neck.' and he did." Amazing! I'm glad she didn't try any of that tough stuff in those circumstances.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  4. #94
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    I was never successfully bullied as a kid because I always retaliated strongly against aggression. This made it easier to gain allies which made it difficult for the bully to be in a position of strength.

    I make an effort to apply this in my adult life. I find that the work world is much less stressful when I blatantly stand up to the bully personalities, regardless of their rank. More often than not, these people will change their behavior. Even if they don't, I'm much more comfortable with an open conflict than to have to walk on eggshells all the time.

  5. #95
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    And for me, it worked okay to just go about the business of doing my job until they lost interest. (And I did have my own little support system to have a giggle about it with and to get a dose of re-self-esteeming. Essential for me.)

    As someone here mentioned there are so many different possible responses and different possible reactions that every case seems to scream out that one has to intuit how to handle each one.

    But then I would say that. . .
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  6. #96

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    I think self-confidence of the potential victim is the answer to this problem. bullies are attracted to people who appear weak (and you appear that way when your self-confidence is low). As a child I was not bullied, nor was I bullying others. And I think that was because I had a really positive self-image (mostly because of my parents, who never missed an opportunity to remind me how great person I am - that helped a lot). I had a really big mouth, which sometimes brought me into trouble, but I think also kept away the bullies - because they usually were not very smart and I could insult them better than they could insult me
    I had an incident in the 3rd grade with a boy, who was teasing me for being a "smart ass" , I ignored him for some time and than just slapped him in the face, and he hit me back (so I am ashamed to tell, got into the fight for the first and last time in my life ). I remember what my dad told me after picking me from school that day: Don`t waste your time on such people. Right now this seems like a terrible thing, but in 15 or 20 years he will be sweeping streets and you will have a PhD and will be having a great life. And guess what, my dad`s prediction came true (not that I think anything is wrong with being a garbage-person).

  7. #97
    Senior Member Array Anja's Avatar
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    Anja, who loves ALL garbagepersons and recognizes them as God's little helpers, picks up newspaper and swats booya moon.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  8. #98
    Emperor/Dictator Array kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    There's more to standing up or fighting back then mere "getting even", there is holding someone else accountable for what they do. Teaching them that what they give out, they may get back. For the most brutish among us, that may be the only logic they understand. As my husband is fond of saying, sometimes in life you just have to get loud and dirty with people, no matter how disgusting you find it to be.

    There will always be brutal, evil people in the world, but it is the people who refuse to stand up or speak up to them that cause the most trouble in this world. We don't always understand this as children but by adulthood it should sink in.
    This was very well put. I just think that this topic is too broad for there to be any one good answer because sometimes it's true, the only way to handle some brutes is with brute force (I know there was only one time in high school I truly felt like the only way to defend myself was to fight back, but I wrote about it earlier), but it's picking the time to and knowing when the other possible solutions are the best ones that makes this difficult.

    Children aren't so good at looking at an array of possibilities and selecting a different tool for every job. Usually what seems to get them through the day is what they tend to always use until they have no choice.

    I've heard people say that it'd make them feel terrible or "stooping to their level" if they were to retaliate. I think those people perished in the survival of the fittest class. There are definitely times where you need to be nasty and fiendish right back to your enemy, just as there is time to act more mature and take a deep breath and dismiss the behavior as abnormal and insignificant. I suppose your values, and whatever lets you sleep better at night, the satisfaction of either teaching them a lesson or dismissing their best efforts to thwart you is the main key. Whatever best helps you handle the situation is what you should go with.

    I just hope your kid finds her tool Substitute!

    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Anja, who loves ALL garbagepersons and recognizes them as God's little helpers, picks up newspaper and swats booya moon.
    Garbage collectors are nothing to sneeze at. They get paid more than most public school teachers around here.

  9. #99
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    Imagine if no one came for the trash.

  10. #100
    Emperor/Dictator Array kyuuei's Avatar
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    I envision an Idiocracy-esque build up with trash avalanches.

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