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Introverts: How do you remain introverted around others?

Evo

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For example, how do you stay present with yourself in the moment while still answering someone's question that's in front of you?

Edit: Anyone can answer if they have some insight into this
 

magpie

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This is an interesting question because I don't try to stay present with myself when I'm with other people. I consider being present to mean focusing on them. Part of what makes socializing easier and way more interesting is not focusing on myself and really giving other people my undivided attention. In terms of answering questions in a social setting, it depends. I usually deflect and ask the question back unless it's a silly question. But if I'm with a person or people I really trust I can be more self focused and revealing.

I don't really know if this is what you were asking.
 

Evo

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This is an interesting question because I don't try to stay present with myself when I'm with other people. I consider being present to mean focusing on them. Part of what makes socializing easier and way more interesting is not focusing on myself and really giving other people my undivided attention. In terms of answering questions in a social setting, it depends. I usually deflect and ask the question back unless it's a silly question. But if I'm with a person or people I really trust I can be more self focused and revealing.

I don't really know if this is what you were asking.

I think it was part of it.

Also, I was having a hard time finding the right words to ask the question, so no worries.
 

Smilephantomhive

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I will spend time to think about what I want want to say before I speak. But this doesn't work in fast conversations. In more "chaotic" conversations I will say the first thing that comes to mind. So much stupid stuff comes out of my mouth when I do this, but it can be fun with the right people.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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around one other, I appear extraverted. But I usually enter therapeutic listener mode, unless they are a very good friend, and then I can talk a lot. Even around several others if I know them well, I can appear extraverted, but the larger the group, them more I will disappear. Or find a person to cleave off from the group to talk to.

Otherwise I just get quiet and observe, listen. Like I do here when a lot is going on. :)
 

Chrysanthe

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I have a difficult time keeping out of my head during conversations, as there is always background noise in my mind with random thoughts related vaguely to what is on my mind when in a conversation. Someone might say something which would make me go off on a separate tangent in my mind, returning my focus to myself and not hearing everything they say after that. Sometimes I can pick myself up from where they stopped talking if I somehow processed what they were saying while being unaware of the actual content... I've only been able to do this successfully a few times however.

As you can tell I suck at conversations. I don't like them at all actually unless it is playful and nonsensical and allows me to come up with something on the spot instead of trying to search for something to say. (edit: When it comes to conversations that pertain to my personal life and past events, the latter happens and I usually take a long time to respond and it's usually not well thought out at all. In fact, I could much more easily and compulsively lie about myself than put forth the energy to tell people accurate information about my life... not because I have something to hide but because I feel bad for making people wait and my memory is awful. ) There's only one person I can feel comfortable picking up and holding a conversation with, and he's an INTP. Very rarely we will meet eachother afterschool by chance. All we do is rant very dramatically and with great sincerity stuff that doesn't even matter. Sometimes we make up stories and play off what the other said until one of us heads home.

Ideally I'd just enjoy observing and taking mental notes off what other people are saying, maybe commenting after they finish rather than bringing in my own material. It's way more satisfying than hearing myself talk. Which is selfish I know. :p
 

Yama

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By mentally talking to myself while they're talking to me and then having a panic attack because my thoughts were louder than their voice and I didn't hear them and I can't talk to them and think at the same time and I need to think so then I just lock myself in my room and decide not to introvert in front of other people.

edit: I just realized this was my 3,000th post. You are welcome
 

Mustafa

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I like to threaten people! No, kidding ;) well maybe a little :unsure: then i'm in the zone! :happy2:
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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[MENTION=23583]21lux[/MENTION] I've had conversations with someone before and they would pause for a very long time after I said something, and before answering me. I got the drift that they were hearing voices in their head. Is that how it looks?
 

Evo

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I will spend time to think about what I want want to say before I speak. But this doesn't work in fast conversations. In more "chaotic" conversations I will say the first thing that comes to mind l. So much stupid stuff comes out of my mouth when I do this, but it can be fun when with the right people.

This is the only way I have been able to get around it as well.

Either introvert beforehand, or extravert with a few people that I'm close to.
 

Yama

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[MENTION=23583]21lux[/MENTION] I've had conversations with someone before and they would pause for a very long time after I said something, and before answering me. I got the drift that they were hearing voices in their head. Is that how it looks?

When I'm not talking to people, I spend a lot of time in my head bouncing thoughts off of myself. When I talk to other people, my internal chatter doesn't stop. I'm still thinking or making comments or random connections in my head, but I'm doing it at the same time as the other person is talking, so it's hard to try and shut myself up long enough to process what the other person is saying and get out a reply that sounds semi-coherent.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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When I'm not talking to people, I spend a lot of time in my head bouncing thoughts off of myself. When I talk to other people, my internal chatter doesn't stop. I'm still thinking or making comments or random connections in my head, but I'm doing it at the same time as the other person is talking, so it's hard to try and shut myself up long enough to process what the other person is saying and get out a reply that sounds semi-coherent.

do you think these could be other personalities?
 

Yama

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do you think these could be other personalities?

Nah it's just me thinking to myself. Kinda like when you're walking somewhere and you're like "Okay so when I get home I need to do this and that..." except that during a conversation it's more like, "Omg a person is talking to me right now!! What am I supposed to say? Crap I didn't hear what they just said I'm not paying enough attention! They mentioned a tv show?! I don't watch that show--oh my god they seem like they really want to talk about it--crap why did I just say that I watch it! Oh my god now I'm gonna have to keep up with this lie for ages all because I didn't want to crush their expectations!" And it never stops :p

Like a constant internal monologue.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Nah it's just me thinking to myself. Kinda like when you're walking somewhere and you're like "Okay so when I get home I need to do this and that..." except that during a conversation it's more like, "Omg a person is talking to me right now!! What am I supposed to say? Crap I didn't hear what they just said I'm not paying enough attention! They mentioned a tv show?! I don't watch that show--oh my god they seem like they really want to talk about it--crap why did I just say that I watch it! Oh my god now I'm gonna have to keep up with this lie for ages all because I didn't want to crush their expectations!" And it never stops :p

Like a constant internal monologue.

Oh, man. That must be horrible.

I wish you peace from that.
 

Mustafa

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do you think these could be other personalities?
I pause before replying because I can't process alot of information at the same time, unlike 21lux, my mind is blank, and sometimes it just stops and I cant do anything about it. I'm a Zen monk!
 

Yama

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Oh, man. That must be horrible.

I wish you peace from that.

Now that I think about it, it might be more social anxiety than introverting? I guess it depends on how much other introverts experience it
 

Evo

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Now that I think about it, it might be more social anxiety than introverting? I guess it depends on how much other introverts experience it

It sounds like what an ISFJ I know also experiences. ISFJ's seem so genuine in their attempts to respond to someone with a focus on the other person. It can be to the point that they internalize the situation.
 

Gawain

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I don't.

When around others, I'm either in "extrovert mode" or I seclude myself to the best of my ability. Secluding myself often includes avoiding noise and crowds (physically leaving if necessary) and tuning out any coversation near me. To be polite, I excuse myself first, but I quite simply see myself out of the interactions when I need to introvert. It may seem extreme, but it seems to work well for me. And most people understand.
 

Punderstorm

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I remain introverted by not involving myself with others. I typically don't seek people out but I respond well to interaction. I prefer others to seek me out.
 

Ene

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When I'm not talking to people, I spend a lot of time in my head bouncing thoughts off of myself. When I talk to other people, my internal chatter doesn't stop. I'm still thinking or making comments or random connections in my head, but I'm doing it at the same time as the other person is talking, so it's hard to try and shut myself up long enough to process what the other person is saying and get out a reply that sounds semi-coherent.

I actually "get" that. The wheels inside my head never stop turning. I will be intently listening, then one word, or a single statement, will launch something in my mind, the birth of an idea, an insight that must be explored and then the rest often begins to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher, with me nodding and smiling but totally being some place else in my mind. At other times, I will be doodling and look like I'm not listening at all, then totally know every word that the other person has said.

.
 
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