Coming across to people as different from what you thought

[xpeacexrainbowx]

Don't you guys hate it when you give people the opposite impression and then you get surprised on how they perceive you? I admit, I get anxious at the thought of being judged when around people. I'm not outwardly self aware and I don't hide my expressions easily either. It's hard for me to control my body language and I get a wrong impression. Like I hate it when sometimes, I came across more emotional than how I intended to and then I'm probably stuck with some crybaby image. Or I'm somewhat tomboyish, but came across as more girly. Also, it could take a while for me to put something in words without enough time. Then, it comes across as a wrong impression and misunderstood. Any thoughts or experiences?

 

[Sil]

This happens to me on occasion. I'm not terribly perceptive of how people see me, so it's not until they say something that I realize how I come across.

I don't generally ask others about myself, so my feedback is limited. But I often give the impression of being more wild and daring than I actually am. Personally, I find that sort of image has its advantages, so it doesn't bother me too much.

I did have some less-than-positive impressions in my last work environment, however. It bothered me quite a lot. I didn't make any effort to change myself there at the time because I was in the middle of looking for another job, but I was careful to make sure I didn't carry over any of the habits that gave those impressions to my next work place.

Overall, I'm not anxious about it because it's not something I actively think about. But I can understand how bothersome it is, especially if it interferes with your life on a day-to-day basis.

 

[Galena]

I think that when there is a discrepancy between self-image and how one is perceived, the truth of who one is lies somewhere in between those perceptions. It might be closer to yours. Maybe.

 

[Coriolis]

Don't you guys hate it when you give people the opposite impression and then you get surprised on how they perceive you? I admit, I get anxious at the thought of being judged when around people. I'm not outwardly self aware and I don't hide my expressions easily either. It's hard for me to control my body language and I get a wrong impression. Like I hate it when sometimes, I came across more emotional than how I intended to and then I'm probably stuck with some crybaby image. Or I'm somewhat tomboyish, but came across as more girly. Also, it could take a while for me to put something in words without enough time. Then, it comes across as a wrong impression and misunderstood. Any thoughts or experiences?

I don't think too much about how I come across to others, perhaps because I get very little feedback about this. I feel like I am generally well-received, I work well with others, and don't run into much trouble, so it doesn't seem like a problem. That being said, I have been told I give off very few nonverbal cues, so it is easy to conceal what I am really thinking/feeling in favor of a neutral or professional appearance, which is what I generally prefer.

 

[GarrotTheThief]

it's weird...at work...when i feel like i'm slobbing it I get accolades and when I Feel like i'm owning it I get reprimanded. I Think this has to do with my ego inflation. if i just chill and go with the flow and play second fiddle i find the outcome and impression is better than if i try to be the man and the hero.

 

[danseen]

it's very common....

 

[Bush]

Anxiety is a major factor in all of this. Anxiety could make Samuel think that he is dumb and comes across as dumb -- even though others see him as smart.

I often underestimate how knowledgeable I come across. That's my heel. But for most traits -- I usually know whether or not I'm seen as confident, friendly, assertive, engaging, conscientious, and so on.

Like you, OP, I can also have problems translating thoughts to words in a linear fashion. That usually makes me come across as spacey rather than dumb. (And I have no problem with that.)

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

The way people perceive you can change rapidly depending on external appearance, like dress and hairstyle. Or even seating habits on public transportation.

 

[cascadeco]

For the first time in maybe my whole life (and I'm in my late 30's...), I work in a job were I have gotten more insight into how I come across to others, and how others perceive me, in the past year than I did all of the years prior. It's a tight-knit team atmosphere, with lots of more extroverted people, higher stress environment, and a lot lower professional 'filter' than in corporations/ office environments (where I previously worked, and where super honest personality feedback didn't really occur - or maybe, flareups simply didn't happen). It's more like a high school or college environment, tbh -- which has its positives and negatives.

Anyhow, so yeah, I have learned how I can come across. Body language I think is a major thing for me, and facial expressions -- my not realizing how my body language might come across, or simply the fact that I realized I naturally kind of suck at genuine customer service -- i.e. being nice/friendly to everyone, no matter whether I think they're spewing a bunch of b.s. or not -- so it's taken time for me to try to reframe what I'm 'supposed' to be doing -- which is getting over myself and what *I* may think, and just giving every customer who comes in as positive an experience as I can.

Bottom line is, I realize now that I can come across as downright *unpleasant* to people, if I'm not careful, and I can project quite a 'bite'/displeasure, even if it's a more rare occurrence, which I hadn't realized I was capable of. So I've really been trying to become more aware of my body language, tone, and facial expressions. Facial expressions is huge -- as sometimes even if everything is perfectly ok for me, people may think it's not by my face. So I'm just deliberately trying to smile more/put on a pleasant face. I hadn't realized that before working in customer service, as growing up I had been termed 'sweet'.

 

[violet_crown]

Don't you guys hate it when you give people the opposite impression and then you get surprised on how they perceive you?

I generally don't think of other people's opinions one way or the other, so when it's suddenly brought to my attention it's always kind of a surprise. I more or less forget about the existence of people outside of a pretty limited circle that evokes strong feelings one way or the other, so people having thoughts about me positively or negatively is interesting, but like I don't know what to do with it.

I think it's harder for people with inferior feeling to really have a solid grasp on "self" one way or the other. It's like, "Ah yes, you seem to have opinions on my brain house! Good for you, fine sir."

 

[Codex]

Don't you guys hate it when you give people the opposite impression and then you get surprised on how they perceive you?

I've come across people who seem to care a lot more about how others perceive me than I do.

Obviously, there are always situations and context where this does become important ( meeting a partners family, being interviewed, big meetings, etc).

Impressions can be manipulated and molded--it could be used as a tool; this makes it a source of power, and if that is important to you, you can argue that by default, how people perceive you should be important.

To answer your question, I generally tend to care only in a work environment, and even that is really limited compared to how much weight some of my colleagues place on giving the correct personal impression. I only really care if it it leads to an implication, or obstructs me in some way, (for example--achieving what I want).

I am not a social creature either, so that might play a part. I find it more interesting/amusing than anything what people think of me, regardless if it is right or wrong.

In other words ( or picture, in this case)

 

[SiegfriedSchtauffen]

I admit, I get anxious at the thought of being judged when around people.

You have to be more badass, don't care that much about others opinion. That just introduces a lot of fear and stress that prevents you from being authentic, confident and you will develop yourself at a slow rate. Don't give a shit, be confident, it's OK to make mistakes. Do you want to live a life you are dreaming about or a life they are dreaming for you?

Like I hate it when sometimes, I came across more emotional than how I intended to and then I'm probably stuck with some crybaby image.

It may just be that you aren't good at finding topics others are interested in. For example: talking about personal problems or always pointing out negative things is generally a bad idea. Most people actually like emotions but they prefer the positive ones with only some occasional spikes to negative. If you have a shitty period in your life then chances are high that most people simply don't want to hear about it - this is sad but true.

The way people perceive you can change rapidly depending on external appearance, like dress and hairstyle. Or even seating habits on public transportation.

This is true and very powerful but without changing the actual behavior and communication style it is only a good first impression. If you dress well but you are still a crybaby then the initial good first impression loses its magic quickly after engaging in a conversation.

 

[highlander]

INTJs are used to coming across differently than they intended.

 

[á´…eparted]

For the most part I really don't care. The only time it matters to me is if a wrong impression is attempted to be used against me, but that's insanely rare.

 

[Coriolis]

INTJs are used to coming across differently than they intended.

I find it hard to tell exactly how I do come across. Either an encounter is constructive, or it isn't.

For the most part I really don't care. The only time it matters to me is if a wrong impression is attempted to be used against me, but that's insanely rare.

In certain cases, this can work in your favor if you pick up on it.

 

[Yama]

I am often hyper-aware of what I am saying and how it will be interpreted by my target audience. If I think I might have said something "wrong" or in a way that sounded differently from what I intended, I clarify what I meant as soon as the words have spilled out of my mouth. Rarely is there ever a situation where I've been involved in a giant mess of miscommunication.

 

[EJCC]

My list of things I'm grateful for right now, in no particular order:

- I have access to clean water, food, indoor plumbing, and health care
- I don't get migraines
- I don't have any food allergies
- I almost never have the OP's problem

People's incorrect perceptions of me are usually a non-issue. They get corrected pretty quickly. It helps that I'm talkative and straightforward.

Edit: I just realized that the most major incorrect perceptions of me that people have ever had, involved seeing me as more capable and talented than I actually am. It took something like seven years for my best friend to realize that I sometimes do an imperfect (or even bad) job on my assignments -- that I sometimes have to settle for "good enough". That I don't have a superhuman ability to do all work perfectly, all the time.

 

[Cygnus]

I have the self-awareness of a used condom.

 

[Destiny]

I don't really care how others perceive me. People's perception of me are always off anyway.

 

[Dyslexxie]

Perception of others depends on the individual bias, so people can see you very differently than you assume, and their opinions may vary widely. I wouldn't sweat it too much - it's too much work to control how everyone sees and feels about you, and is it really worth it?

I have a big personality and can come off as bossy or overly influential to softer personalities. It used to bother me but now I see it as it is what it is, people are gonna be people, myself included. I've stopped losing sleep over what others think a long time ago.