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  1. #1
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    Default I's & E's intimidate each other?

    It occurred to me over a period of time that many introverts are shy and nervous, even intimidated by many extraverts.

    But it seems they're mostly unaware that extraverts can find introverts incredibly intimidating too.

    Thoughts, anyone? Do you find your opposite difficult to approach or are you nervous of them, and if so or even if not, then why?
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  2. #2
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I like extroverts that don't try to get me to talk. I enjoy if everyone else talks and I listen and me adding to it when I have something to say. But i do get nervous if I feel like I'm suppose to talk, but have nothing to say. It usually comes out in half phrases and mumbles.
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  3. #3
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    That is a very interesting observation.

    And it seems true. Though introverts fear extroverts and extroverts fear introverts for very different reasons...
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

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    What would you say those reasons were Haphazard?
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  5. #5
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    I'm not afraid of them, but it annoys me if them talk so much that I can't hear my thoughts. In those cases it becomes impossible for me to add anything in the conversation... and I will leave the first chance I get.

  6. #6
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    It occurred to me over a period of time that many introverts are shy and nervous, even intimidated by many extraverts.

    But it seems they're mostly unaware that extraverts can find introverts incredibly intimidating too.

    Thoughts, anyone? Do you find your opposite difficult to approach or are you nervous of them, and if so or even if not, then why?
    I'm really only intimidated by Extraverts if they have expectations of me. Because I can't operate at their level... I have a lot less energy. I don't feel intimidated by being engaged in a conversation, but I would definitely feel intimidated by someone trying to pressure me to do something I don't want to, or involving me in something I wasn't comfortable with without my permission, etc.

    So it depends on what the Extravert is trying to do.

    One thing about me that might put Extraverts off is that I'm very uncomfortable initiating conversations, and thus may give the appearance of disinterest, when I'm actually just trying not to get in the way or interfere with their work (which is part of why I'm afraid to talk to people, I don't trust that I know the signals telling me when it's okay to talk to them and when it's not, so I just always assume it's not unless I see something fairly explicitly indicating otherwise). I'd worry I was being seen as presumptuous if I assumed I was worth the other person's time enough to talk to them. I'm usually more than happy to talk to someone who speaks to me first, though.

    I actually doubt I find Extraverts more intimidating than any other types, as long as they're respectful.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    I'm not afraid of them, but it annoys me if them talk so much that I can't hear my thoughts. In those cases it becomes impossible for me to add anything in the conversation... and I will leave the first chance I get.
    This is a common misunderstanding and since I've started to understand the root cause of it I've been able to adjust, however I do sometimes wonder why it's always me that has to do the adjusting and wouldn't mind if people made a little effort to meet half way...

    What it is, is that the E thinks the reason the I isn't talking is because they're nervous or don't feel at ease, or that nobody's said anything that's triggered the I's interest. So what the E might be doing is trying their damnedest to a) assure the I that they're welcome and that their contributions are valued and b) keep saying different stuff in the hopes the I will find something of interest and respond.

    The E doesn't know it, but he's making the I feel bombarded and like you describe nolla. But the I doesn't realise that by retreating further and further they're making the E feel like nothing they can do or say is of any interest, that they're seen as contemptible and not worth their time. Without realising it, the I is making the E feel very frustrated and even hurt, because as far as the E is concerned, if someone has something to say then why don't they just say it? And if they don't have anything to say and just don't feel like talking, why not just say that also? Why sit there and let me blabber on, boring you to death??

    It can seem to me like the number of 'requirements' for an introvert to actually speak, the circumstances that they seem to need in which they feel willing to share, open up or just participate at all, seems to sometimes be so specific and almost diva-like, a list of demands that are hard for the E to fulfill or even identify, and if we don't manage to get everything right for them then they just write us off and leave.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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    Athenian - what you say's interesting... I can agree that when there's a feeling someone has expectations of you it can be destabilizing.

    However I personally tend to feel that with the extraverts, at least those expectations will be clearly expressed most of the time, so you know what you're up against, whilst the introvert seems to hold their expectations inside like a precious checklist and you've no way of knowing what they want from you or whether you're doing it right or wrong...
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
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    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

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    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    When it comes to the intiative conversation I do try to say more. But their's only so much I can say about school or my life.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    When it comes to the intiative conversation I do try to say more. But their's only so much I can say about school or my life.
    Is this because you think your school and life would not be interesting to the other person, or because you really don't have anything that you'd like to talk about, even if it's taken as read that the other person does want to hear it?
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

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