• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

I's & E's intimidate each other?

substitute

New member
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
MBTI Type
ENTP
It occurred to me over a period of time that many introverts are shy and nervous, even intimidated by many extraverts.

But it seems they're mostly unaware that extraverts can find introverts incredibly intimidating too.

Thoughts, anyone? Do you find your opposite difficult to approach or are you nervous of them, and if so or even if not, then why?
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
I like extroverts that don't try to get me to talk. I enjoy if everyone else talks and I listen and me adding to it when I have something to say. But i do get nervous if I feel like I'm suppose to talk, but have nothing to say. It usually comes out in half phrases and mumbles.
 

Haphazard

Don't Judge Me!
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
6,704
MBTI Type
ENFJ
That is a very interesting observation.

And it seems true. Though introverts fear extroverts and extroverts fear introverts for very different reasons...
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
I'm not afraid of them, but it annoys me if them talk so much that I can't hear my thoughts. In those cases it becomes impossible for me to add anything in the conversation... and I will leave the first chance I get.
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
It occurred to me over a period of time that many introverts are shy and nervous, even intimidated by many extraverts.

But it seems they're mostly unaware that extraverts can find introverts incredibly intimidating too.

Thoughts, anyone? Do you find your opposite difficult to approach or are you nervous of them, and if so or even if not, then why?

I'm really only intimidated by Extraverts if they have expectations of me. Because I can't operate at their level... I have a lot less energy. I don't feel intimidated by being engaged in a conversation, but I would definitely feel intimidated by someone trying to pressure me to do something I don't want to, or involving me in something I wasn't comfortable with without my permission, etc.

So it depends on what the Extravert is trying to do.

One thing about me that might put Extraverts off is that I'm very uncomfortable initiating conversations, and thus may give the appearance of disinterest, when I'm actually just trying not to get in the way or interfere with their work (which is part of why I'm afraid to talk to people, I don't trust that I know the signals telling me when it's okay to talk to them and when it's not, so I just always assume it's not unless I see something fairly explicitly indicating otherwise). I'd worry I was being seen as presumptuous if I assumed I was worth the other person's time enough to talk to them. I'm usually more than happy to talk to someone who speaks to me first, though.

I actually doubt I find Extraverts more intimidating than any other types, as long as they're respectful.
 

substitute

New member
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
MBTI Type
ENTP
I'm not afraid of them, but it annoys me if them talk so much that I can't hear my thoughts. In those cases it becomes impossible for me to add anything in the conversation... and I will leave the first chance I get.

This is a common misunderstanding and since I've started to understand the root cause of it I've been able to adjust, however I do sometimes wonder why it's always me that has to do the adjusting and wouldn't mind if people made a little effort to meet half way...

What it is, is that the E thinks the reason the I isn't talking is because they're nervous or don't feel at ease, or that nobody's said anything that's triggered the I's interest. So what the E might be doing is trying their damnedest to a) assure the I that they're welcome and that their contributions are valued and b) keep saying different stuff in the hopes the I will find something of interest and respond.

The E doesn't know it, but he's making the I feel bombarded and like you describe nolla. But the I doesn't realise that by retreating further and further they're making the E feel like nothing they can do or say is of any interest, that they're seen as contemptible and not worth their time. Without realising it, the I is making the E feel very frustrated and even hurt, because as far as the E is concerned, if someone has something to say then why don't they just say it? And if they don't have anything to say and just don't feel like talking, why not just say that also? Why sit there and let me blabber on, boring you to death??

It can seem to me like the number of 'requirements' for an introvert to actually speak, the circumstances that they seem to need in which they feel willing to share, open up or just participate at all, seems to sometimes be so specific and almost diva-like, a list of demands that are hard for the E to fulfill or even identify, and if we don't manage to get everything right for them then they just write us off and leave.
 

substitute

New member
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
MBTI Type
ENTP
Athenian - what you say's interesting... I can agree that when there's a feeling someone has expectations of you it can be destabilizing.

However I personally tend to feel that with the extraverts, at least those expectations will be clearly expressed most of the time, so you know what you're up against, whilst the introvert seems to hold their expectations inside like a precious checklist and you've no way of knowing what they want from you or whether you're doing it right or wrong...
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
When it comes to the intiative conversation I do try to say more. But their's only so much I can say about school or my life.
 

substitute

New member
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
MBTI Type
ENTP
When it comes to the intiative conversation I do try to say more. But their's only so much I can say about school or my life.

Is this because you think your school and life would not be interesting to the other person, or because you really don't have anything that you'd like to talk about, even if it's taken as read that the other person does want to hear it?
 

Haphazard

Don't Judge Me!
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
6,704
MBTI Type
ENFJ
What would you say those reasons were Haphazard?

The reason why an introvert is afraid of the extrovert is obvious... too much bombardment, too much attempt to try to pry them away from their thoughts. For the extrovert, however, the introvert is not sharing anything... they're not getting any feedback, which scares them, because that's mostly what they've learned to respond to. Like walking around in the dark and never bumping into anything. If you at least bump into something, you at least know that there's something there...

Well, it's a wild guess. When extroverts try to talk to me usually they get this stupid, 'deer-in-the-headlights' expression from me. A guess says that people when talking to me get the impression that I'm not very bright.
 

substitute

New member
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
MBTI Type
ENTP
The reason why an introvert is afraid of the extrovert is obvious... too much bombardment, too much attempt to try to pry them away from their thoughts.

It isn't that obvious ;) If I feel like I'm going out of my way to make someone feel welcome and that I want their participation, it isn't obvious at all that this would make them feel intimidated or whatever.
 

Haphazard

Don't Judge Me!
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
6,704
MBTI Type
ENFJ
It isn't that obvious ;) If I feel like I'm going out of my way to make someone feel welcome and that I want their participation, it isn't obvious at all that this would make them feel intimidated or whatever.

It's obvious because they keep complaining about it.

With extroverts it's less obvious because it's usually disguised under other complaints. 'Ice queen' and 'arrogant', for example.
 

substitute

New member
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
MBTI Type
ENTP
It's obvious because they keep complaining about it.

Well, 'they' complain about it to each other and on an internet forum, but that's no reason to expect that extraverts who aren't into MBTI or psychology and who don't visit introvert dominated forums, would find it obvious too :)
 

Haphazard

Don't Judge Me!
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
6,704
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Well, 'they' complain about it to each other and on an internet forum, but that's no reason to expect that extraverts who aren't into MBTI or psychology and who don't visit introvert dominated forums, would find it obvious too :)

I thought you were talking about in the context of this forum. If we look at this forum, it's obvious why introverts are afraid of extroverts, but the reverse is not so obvious... although still true.
 

substitute

New member
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
MBTI Type
ENTP
Nah I'm talking about generally, cos surely that's the reason we're here, right? To learn about psychological processes that enable us to better understand the interactions we have with people in the big wide world? :)

(or to avoid doing the dishes, either works fine for me lol)
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Athenian - what you say's interesting... I can agree that when there's a feeling someone has expectations of you it can be destabilizing.

I'm glad we agree on that. :yes:
However I personally tend to feel that with the extraverts, at least those expectations will be clearly expressed most of the time, so you know what you're up against, whilst the introvert seems to hold their expectations inside like a precious checklist and you've no way of knowing what they want from you or whether you're doing it right or wrong...

You're not trying to argue that Extraverts are superior to Introverts, are you? I mean, considering how down on Extraverts people like BlueWing have been in the past, I guess you'd be justified in trying, but I couldn't honestly agree with either argument.

I have to say that I've found that some Extraverts seem to do the same thing to me. They seem to expect me to have absorbed a lot of assumptions and values from the environment that I might not have, and thus there's this whole load of expectations and context they have that they judge me according to, without even knowing me, and without my even being aware of it. I literally feel like they judge me before they even know me, a lot of the time, that their opinion and expectations are never adjusted for individuals, and they just keep going with that first impression forever. Granted, I'm not entirely positive these people are Extraverts because I didn't type them, but they seemed like Extraverts to me. I might be mistaken, though.

Did that make sense, or...?
 

Haphazard

Don't Judge Me!
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
6,704
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Nah I'm talking about generally, cos surely that's the reason we're here, right? To learn about psychological processes that enable us to better understand the interactions we have with people in the big wide world? :)

(or to avoid doing the dishes, either works fine for me lol)

The big wide world isn't even educated enough about introverts and extroverts to make any of it obvious at all. Most people don't have a working understanding of introversion and extroversion anyway. They may know on some level that some people behave this way and some behave that way but that still doesn't stop them from behaving in the patterns they do when one meets the other.

It seems so goddamned ingrained. Can we change it?
 

Mondo

Welcome to Sunnyside
Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
EsTP
Enneagram
6w7
Some introverts can intimidate me, if they seem to be fairly unresponsive to my friendliness.
I don't try forcing them to open up though. I assume that they don't want to.
I usually start ignoring the person myself if it seems that I can't get into a conversation with him or her and write the person off as boring.
I am friends with a few Introverts and I find that if the person likes me that I can get the person to talk relatively easy about things-so I tend to be dismissive towards those who are unresponsive.

I wouldn't consider myself someone who is intimidating towards anyone. I am not an overbearing person, so that probably makes most people feel comfortable around me- except for the uber-introverted person who probably isn't speaking not due to my presence anyway.

Many extraverts probably assume that the introvert doesn't like them if he doesn't speak.

From personal experience, INTJs in particular seem to be more negative than positive and openly look down on others (mostly through non-verbal cues and body language which the INTJ may not even notice..).
If this sort of person desires social contact with others, I would say that there are one or two things that this person needs to do.

1.) Be nice to others.
2.) Talk about interesting things.

#1 is easy. I am personally the most responsive towards nice people. If someone isn't nice to me, I think.. "Screw you, I don't need to spend time with you to have a healthy social life.", and drop the person. I wouldn't say I'm intimidated by introverts but rather I'm intimidated by mean and cold people.

As for #2, I guess it depends on the person or your interests.. a lot of people are turned off by weirdness.. I am personally not, mostly due to the fact that I pride myself on my ability to respond to anything. Share your interest in anime or blackjack! These are the kinds of people I get along with the best.

Not..

Me: So, what do you like to do?
Other Person: Uh, I like to have fun.
Me: That's good to know. I don't know of a person who doesn't like to have fun. What do you like to do for fun?
Other Person: Uh.....
 
Top