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  1. #91
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Yeah... if I meet someone and like them and start to care about them I can't just ruthlessly say 'no, I won't befriend this person, I have the permitted number of friends already!' lol
    When I was in kindergarten, this literally happened to me. A girl refused to be my friend because she had enough friends. It was kind of depressing.

    Oh, about what Magic said: "I guess Extraverts expect more indiscriminate cordiality from Introverts." (I'm having issues with quoting multiple people in one post... n00bness...) It's not that we expect cordiality, it's that we expect a RESPONSE... besides nodding, or just looking at you. If you don't talk to us, or branch off from our statement to make a conversation, we have no idea if what we've said has registered. We don't know what you thought of it. It's like what Substitute said earlier... can't remember the quote, but I remember that I agreed with it.

    I.e. We expect reciprocation, just like you do.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  2. #92
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    Yeah, EJCC, I'm pretty polite (uh, irl), and I can't stand it when people are so concerned with their damn morbid attitude they can't return an acknowledgement. Especially when I was going out of my way to be nice.

  3. #93
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    Well, I don't have a quota. I just don't get attached that often.
    Yeah, exactly. I guess it comes down to the fact that I have a lot of casual friends, but only a few close friends. I don't turn friends away. There are just certain people that I click with better than others.

  4. #94
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    I'm nice, so long as someone is talking to me. Just, once we are apart, don't expect me to make an effort to contact you again. That's up to you. Sooner or later, it will be made clear if I'm really interested in someone, or if want them to leave me alone. But if the person stops contacting me first, I continue with my life without waiting for them.

    I think what bothers me is that there's a sense of entitlement from them. Like they can just say "I want to be your friend" and then I'm supposed to be their friend. No one is ever obligated to be anyone's friend, and it really rubs me the wrong way when I detect obligation like that. If I haven't expressed my commitment to friendship, all bets are off.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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  5. #95
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Yeah, exactly. I guess it comes down to the fact that I have a lot of casual friends, but only a few close friends. I don't turn friends away. There are just certain people that I click with better than others.
    Actually I think this might be something unique to me, well not unique by any means but unusual, in that although obviously there are some i click with more than others, I don't actually play favourites... I consider my duty to one human being to be no less than to another. I figure to give more to a person who pleases me and let someone who needs me go without because they please me less, that's kinda... well it goes against my religious convictions. IOW it's all very well for me to say I believe in the brotherhood of man and that every human being is my 'neighbour', but it's a lot harder to walk the walk, except that that particular part of the walk has become second nature to me. It's very difficult though, for some of my friends to understand that. They expect preferential treatment, but if I gave it to them I'd feel like a hypocrite. Even though I might want to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan
    I'm nice, so long as someone is talking to me. Just, once we are apart, don't expect me to make an effort to contact you again. That's up to you. Sooner or later, it will be made clear if I'm really interested in someone, or if want them to leave me alone. But if the person stops contacting me first, I continue with my life without waiting for them.
    But if everyone was that passive and made so little effort, surely nobody would have any friends??
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  6. #96
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    But if everyone was that passive and made so little effort, surely nobody would have any friends??
    This situation inevitably requires that there be someone who's passive and someone who's aggressive. I'm obviously the passive one in this case. I want someone else who is different from me, in so far as they have initiative when I don't. That being said, a lot of them aren't really interesting to me, and what is bothersome is not that they are aggressive, but that they are incapable fo realizing that I'm not interested.

    I have sadly almost never been pursued by someone that I would actually want to pursue me.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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  7. #97
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    This situation inevitably requires that there be someone who's passive and someone who's aggressive.
    If you were talking about a BDSM relationship I'd agree, but we're talking about friendships and I don't think I've heard anyone put it that way before... I'd say it's a give and take thing. It's really not fair IMO to expect one person to make all the initiatives like it's their 'job', whilst you just sit back and enjoy the 'service'!! I'll call a person so many times but if they never call back, like if I've arranged three or four meetings and then I leave it a couple of weeks to give them a chance to arrange one and they don't bother, I'm not impressed!!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  8. #98
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Actually I think this might be something unique to me, well not unique by any means but unusual, in that although obviously there are some i click with more than others, I don't actually play favourites... I consider my duty to one human being to be no less than to another. I figure to give more to a person who pleases me and let someone who needs me go without because they please me less, that's kinda... well it goes against my religious convictions. IOW it's all very well for me to say I believe in the brotherhood of man and that every human being is my 'neighbour', but it's a lot harder to walk the walk, except that that particular part of the walk has become second nature to me. It's very difficult though, for some of my friends to understand that. They expect preferential treatment, but if I gave it to them I'd feel like a hypocrite. Even though I might want to.
    I would say it's definitely unusual. I would consider paying more attention to the friends with whom you have a deeper connection just a part of human nature. I would go crazy if I thought I had to give equal attention to every person I consider a friend. I just don't have that energy to give. Also, if you were my casual friend, and I knew you had a "best friend," I would certainly never expect you to give me equal attention. I would understand that some people are naturally better friends than others. Your commitment to the human race is certainly admirable, though. I just wonder if you're creating an expectation for yourself that is not strictly necessary, thereby making life harder for you?


    But if everyone was that passive and made so little effort, surely nobody would have any friends??
    It's true, and I do try to make an effort to keep the friendship going, but I am also very out-of-sight, out-of-mind sometimes, too. I'm just not the kind of person that feels like i have to be in constant contact. If I don't hear from you, I don't assume that you're mad, etc. I just assume people are busy, and I am, too, and we'll get together sometime.

  9. #99
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    This situation inevitably requires that there be someone who's passive and someone who's aggressive.
    Some people are like that, yeah they like to be more in control of the contact, but most people like a give and take situation.

  10. #100
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    If you were talking about a BDSM relationship I'd agree, but we're talking about friendships and I don't think I've heard anyone put it that way before... I'd say it's a give and take thing. It's really not fair IMO to expect one person to make all the initiatives like it's their 'job', whilst you just sit back and enjoy the 'service'!! I'll call a person so many times but if they never call back, like if I've arranged three or four meetings and then I leave it a couple of weeks to give them a chance to arrange one and they don't bother, I'm not impressed!!
    If a person wants me to call back, they should tell me that they want me to call sometime. I do not presume much of anything about what to do with a person, so I do nothing unless given permission + encouragement. I agree that relationships are give and take, and when I like someone, I intend to do a lot of giving, but there are still different approaches to doing it. I am reactive rather than active, and I think that has just as many pros as it does cons.


    All of this was assuming that I'm interested in the person involved. If I'm not, then they certainly can't expect that I will reciprocate their gifts. A person can't say to someone "I love you, now love me in return", it doesn't work that way.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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