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Are looks more important to men or women?

BadOctopus

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I know. The age-old question. There's a saying out there that "men fall in love with their eyes, and women fall in love with their ears." In other words, men are more visual, and more likely to fall in love with what they see, while women are more likely to fall in love based on what they hear. Do you think there's any truth to that?

Speaking personally, I tend to care more about a guy's personality than what he looks like. In fact, if a guy has a great personality, that actually makes him more attractive to me. But I know several women who will totally dismiss a man based on looks, without even trying to get to know him.

Then again, I've met some guys who are all about looks, as well. And they're really picky about their preferred "type" of woman. So I'm stumped.

What do you think?
 

SD45T-2

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I know. The age-old question. There's a saying out there that "men fall in love with their eyes, and women fall in love with their ears." In other words, men are more visual, and more likely to fall in love with what they see, while women are more likely to fall in love based on what they hear. Do you think there's any truth to that?
Well I know men are more likely to be aroused by visual stimuli, but I don't consider that to be quite the same thing as falling in love. As for women, I don't know what the overall trend is. :shrug:

In fact, if a guy has a great personality, that actually makes him more attractive to me.
That seems pretty normal. The same thing has happened to me (with women, that is :D).
 

Qlip

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I think, for whatever it is, and I'm not interested in opening up the debate in this particular thread, women more often are evaluated first by their looks just in general, not just in romance and not just by men. It's not a rule or anything, it's just how it skews.
 

five sounds

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I think, for whatever it is, and I'm not interested in opening up the debate in this particular thread, women more often are evaluated first by their looks just in general, not just in romance and not just by men. It's not a rule or anything, it's just how it skews.

Yep, it's true. Despite years of feminism, women are still seen first as a sexual object or a physical specimen more than men are.
 

93JC

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I don't think there is any debate that physical appearance is a greater proportion of what constitutes overall attractiveness to men. I won't sit here, lie and pretend that looks aren't a very big part of what I find attractive in women. It isn't the be-all, end-all of what is attractive about a woman though, it's more of a starting point. It's what creates a spark of initial attraction. What keeps a woman being attractive is everything else. An objectively physically beautiful woman can be very unattractive overall if she has personality traits that are unattractive.
 

Julius_Van_Der_Beak

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I think, that while I have a preference for a certain type, like dark-haired women, an awesome personality can really overrule that preference. If I met a really cool blonde who was into me, I would date her. The personality is really more important.

I think I'm only saying that because I'm sexist, though. Or because I'm lying as part of my diabolical scheme.
 

BadOctopus

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I think, for whatever it is, and I'm not interested in opening up the debate in this particular thread, women more often are evaluated first by their looks just in general, not just in romance and not just by men. It's not a rule or anything, it's just how it skews.
I think you're right about that.

Also, I have to say, I find it annoying that guys can just roll out of bed looking great, but when I go into work without makeup, people ask me if I'm sick. :dry:
 

cascadeco

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I think, for whatever it is, and I'm not interested in opening up the debate in this particular thread, women more often are evaluated first by their looks just in general, not just in romance and not just by men. It's not a rule or anything, it's just how it skews.

I think this is generally true, both men and women size other women up by looks, I think moreso than occurs with men.

Though to counter that - and maybe it's just the type of people I work with (service industry, hundreds of people come in and out every day) - it's super common for women to make catty remarks re other womens' s.o.'s, re looks 'ooh he's so cute', or 'she can do so much better than that' (though that comment can apply to both looks and personality), and so on. It's pretty unsettling. I'm sure guys have their same versions of this when in groups?

-----
I think physical attraction is pretty important to most women - one of many components. Preferences vary a lot, though.
 

SD45T-2

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Also, I have to say, I find it annoying that guys can just roll out of bed looking great, but when I go into work without makeup, people ask me if I'm sick. :dry:
Don't feel bad. :hug: I've been a guy my whole life and I've never looked great. :laugh: :doh:
 

Hawthorne

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Both value both but a physically unattractive man has more acknowledged avenues to make up the difference. Women are more limited in that regard and some of the things that could help the unattractive man be more attractive might only hurt the unattractive woman.

Also, I think there's a...blanking on words...an uneven perception of the average attractiveness of women? They put in more effort than men so the threshold of "attractive" is higher so average is ugly and ugly is unacknowledged. Something something beauty standards. Nothing new.

A couple of other thoughts but I'm already drifting away from coherence. Sorry. I may try again later.
 

Qlip

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I think this is generally true, both men and women size other women up by looks, I think moreso than occurs with men.

Though to counter that - and maybe it's just the type of people I work with (service industry, hundreds of people come in and out every day) - it's super common for women to make catty remarks re other womens' s.o.'s, re looks 'ooh he's so cute', or 'she can do so much better than that' (though that comment can apply to both looks and personality), and so on. It's pretty unsettling. I'm sure guys have their same versions of this when in groups?

-----
I think physical attraction is pretty important to most women - one of many components. Preferences vary a lot, though.

Yeah, it does happen some. It's been a while since I've hung out with doods in a group, in general it stays around the complexity level of salivating over hot girls. Currently most of the company I keep are people who rarely get out of their own heads, and I kinda like it.

As for me, looks are pretty important to me, but I am capable of being attracted to a wide range. The only, very rare times I've ever actually approached strangers on an attraction had more to do with their style than their looks. Even that's risky, I really am really very much afraid of being stuck in a horrible boring conversation.
 

SearchingforPeace

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I am reminded of two sisters that lived in my complex college. One was crazy beautiful. The other plain at best.

However, the plain sister was always dating, as she a very vivacious ESFP. Her sister was very introverted, I suspect a INFX.

So, I talked with introvert sister one night. I should have just asked her out, silly me, instead I gave her advice.

I told her to just sit by the pool, reading, no swimsuit needed, just regular clothes. I told her she would be getting numerous offers immediately.

She did. And the men followed.

Morale of the story: men tend to go for women that make it easy for men to date. Looks matter only so much.

I have seen many extremely gorgeous women that I wouldn't even want to spend a few minutes with, based upon personality. Likewise, while I like attractive looks, brains and personality matter. At, least for me.

not that I have dealt with dating in 20 years, but my two cents...
 

ceecee

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I know. The age-old question. There's a saying out there that "men fall in love with their eyes, and women fall in love with their ears." In other words, men are more visual, and more likely to fall in love with what they see, while women are more likely to fall in love based on what they hear. Do you think there's any truth to that?

Speaking personally, I tend to care more about a guy's personality than what he looks like. In fact, if a guy has a great personality, that actually makes him more attractive to me. But I know several women who will totally dismiss a man based on looks, without even trying to get to know him.

Then again, I've met some guys who are all about looks, as well. And they're really picky about their preferred "type" of woman. So I'm stumped.

What do you think?

I know I've said this before but - an inappropriate sense of humor and chest hair. It appeals to both what I need to hear and what I need to see.
 

Blackout

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I used to overlook attraction a lot, but I feel that they do sort of matter more then I wanted to admit to myself.

There's just more chemistry and excitement.
 

kyuuei

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Overwhelmingly men and looks vs women. While women can be super shallow about them, I see far far too many women with some objectively not good looking men because of a variety of reasons.. where as, I tend to see my single male friends consumed first with how any woman or man looks to them before they start thinking about more than that.
 

BadOctopus

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Overwhelmingly men and looks vs women. While women can be super shallow about them, I see far far too many women with some objectively not good looking men because of a variety of reasons.. where as, I tend to see my single male friends consumed first with how any woman or man looks to them before they start thinking about more than that.
It does seem to be more common to see women with average-looking or unattractive men, than men with unattractive women.

Of course, some people would argue that those women who are with unattractive men are only interested in money, security, etc. So what the hell do I know.
 

miss fortune

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Yep, it's true. Despite years of feminism, women are still seen first as a sexual object or a physical specimen more than men are.

women look at each other as physical specimens or sexual objects as well, even if they don't swing that way... most women are more concerned about what other women will say about their appearance than they are about men. this doesn't do much to help things really :shrug:

on the other hand, my vagina has to have something to go "oooh!" about for me to want to jump a guy, and there's no point in getting with a guy if I don't want to screw his brains out :) My tastes run a little to the less conventional side though, so conventional judgments may be thrown at our pairing anyway, who knows. To quote Fabienne from Pulp Fiction "It's unfortunate what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye is seldom the same."
 

five sounds

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women look at each other as physical specimens or sexual objects as well, even if they don't swing that way... most women are more concerned about what other women will say about their appearance than they are about men. this doesn't do much to help things really :shrug:

Yeah it's all the same thing. We're all subject to it. I have a hard time not viewing myself in that way. It's fucked.
 

highlander

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I know. The age-old question. There's a saying out there that "men fall in love with their eyes, and women fall in love with their ears." In other words, men are more visual, and more likely to fall in love with what they see, while women are more likely to fall in love based on what they hear. Do you think there's any truth to that?

Speaking personally, I tend to care more about a guy's personality than what he looks like. In fact, if a guy has a great personality, that actually makes him more attractive to me. But I know several women who will totally dismiss a man based on looks, without even trying to get to know him.

Then again, I've met some guys who are all about looks, as well. And they're really picky about their preferred "type" of woman. So I'm stumped.

What do you think?

I think there is no question that guys are more focused on looks. However, I often used to think that judgments related to "personality" were equally as flawed as judgments related to looks because what was appreciated as personality had more to do with superficial charm than truly important qualities. Things like extraversion, being funny, confidence, social skills, dominant behavior and flattery have a lot to do with a male's attractiveness. It takes a while to get to know someone. There were a lot of guys I knew to be somewhat of assholes that were quite successful with women because they made strong early impressions.
 

Julius_Van_Der_Beak

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I think there is no question that guys are more focused on looks. However, I often used to think that judgments related to "personality" were equally as flawed as judgments related to looks because what was appreciated as personality had more to do with superficial charm than truly important qualities. Things like extraversion, being funny, confidence, social skills, dominant behavior and flattery have a lot to do with a male's attractiveness. It takes a while to get to know someone. There were a lot of guys I knew to be somewhat of assholes that were quite successful with women because they made strong early impressions.

Yeah, I've seen that before.
 
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