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  1. #31
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    It is the kind of advice that is well-meant but shouldn't be necessary in a civilized society. But the point is well-taken. Women benefit from model mugging courses and martial arts, not only to defend themselves, but to get an air of empowerment to defend themselves. The first thing you learn is to yell NO!

    As pointed out, a woman against three men has little chance. As a college coed I found myself walking down Main Street in Worcester past a group of ne'er-do-wells who decided to have some fun with me. Five or six guys surrounded me, asked me where I was going, etc. It was rather scary, but somehow I knew I would be OK. Eventually they let me move on. Far better to have crossed the street...

    I look forward to reading the book.
    Last edited by Jae Rae; 08-18-2008 at 08:46 PM. Reason: better word choice
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  2. #32
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I woke up to the encouragement of strengthening my running skills and have seriously considered investing in a pair of Red Ball Jets. (Remember those tennies which were guaranteed to help you run faster?)

    So laffin' out loud here. Thanks for the light-hearted moment in a sobering conversation.

    You know, at my age nothing is ever going to enable me to run as fast as a twelve-year old sex-crazed male. And I've heard that the chase is half of the game, so I'm doubtful. . .
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  3. #33
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Sigh.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  4. #34
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Sorry girls/ladies I have to explain myself becuse I can't just leave entire thing at this it would be just too ....(insert word)


    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Thank you?
    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I admit, I am not sure how to read any of that either.
    If I am getting the signals in the right way I have sent mixed massage at least to an certain degree.

    My point here is that everybody in this thread have only been on one side and I am probably the only one on this forum which was on the other. And what is sure is that I am the only who is willing to share the experiance and insight of the other side..

    What happened to me that night wasn't done by my choice or it was planned. It just happened that she run into me in the place where she did not expect somebody.

    EDIT: What I found very interesting in this thread is the insight that women think about who is the maniac so often.
    Honestly I was clueless.
    Last edited by Virtual ghost; 08-19-2008 at 05:43 AM.

  5. #35
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IF3157 View Post
    What is troubling is that you are taught to be nice and deferential as a woman, but if you are victimized on account of it, you are blamed for that. Personally, I think it is a good call to distrust and dismiss anyone who tries to teach you to weaken your natural defences or your human reactions. They have something besides your well-being at heart.
    It breaks my heart to say how many of my friends have been attacked and then blamed for it. It's ludicrous.


    Quote Originally Posted by Jae Rae View Post
    It is the kind of advice that is well-meant but shouldn't be necessary in a civilized society. But the point is well-taken. Women benefit from model mugging courses and martial arts, not only to defend themselves, but to get an air of empowerment to defend themselves. The first thing you learn is to yell NO!

    As pointed out, a woman against three men has little chance. As a college coed I found myself walking down Main Street in Worcester past a group of ne'er-do-wells who decided to have some fun with me. Five or six guys surrounded me, asked me where I was going, etc. It was rather scary, but somehow I knew I would be OK. Eventually they let me move on. Far better to have crossed the street...

    I look forward to reading the book.
    Scary! I've had a group of guys surround me before, and it was really tense. I'm so glad they didn't do anything to you.

  6. #36
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    I wrote my last post here late last night and I did not saw that the post in one part says that I am actually willing to scare and chase women late at night. I have repaired the post so now it is what it should be.

    I am getting out of this thread before it is too late.

  7. #37
    Senior Member bluebell's Avatar
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    Interesting thread. I really really struggle with trusting my instincts because mine are overly hypervigilant, about things that are usually totally harmless. eg anyone sneezing or coughing used to freak me out because it reminded me (at an unconcious level) of some bad stuff. I know that I overreact to many mundane safe trivial things so it's hard to know when I need to be genuinely vigilant. And something that isn't often acknowledged is that females can be aggressors as well. It's probably much rarer but it does happen.

    I'm aware of most of my past, but this thread reminded me of something I'd forgotten. At grad school, I'd been told by a couple of female grad students to avoid being alone with a particular professor at another college because of his inappropriate behaviour. Two of my (male) advisors wanted to me to go visit this profressor by myself and I told them what I'd heard. I can't remember their exact words but it was something dismissive like 'oh, we expect our female students to be able to be able to be strong enough to be able to deal with things like that'. The stupid thing was at that point in my life I was extremely shy and meek - it should have been obvious to everyone who knew me then that I was unlikely to have the skills to have handled it. I didn't end up going, I don't remember why now (it's all a bit hazy now).
    ...so much smoke pouring out of each chromosome.

  8. #38
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I've had some time to think on this today and the thought that haunts me about this subject is the relationship between sex and violence.

    It's everywhere in our society and certainly blatant in today's social patter. For example the way we casually throw the expression "Eff you" around as a means of expressing ill-will toward someone.

    My understanding of the Eff word, ugly sounding as it is with no explanation of meaning involved, is that it is used to describe an act of love. Short of love being involved it is nonetheless descriptive of an act of creation, not destruction. Of human connection, not disharmony.

    Thinking about how this has been distorted.

    More later.

    Comments?
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  9. #39
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Sorry - I needed to tie that in to the OP.

    "Play nice" = danger.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  10. #40
    Senior Member Algora J's Avatar
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    This is a very interesting thread.

    I always think women are taught to supress their instincts by attempting to be "polite" and to use "linear logic" (ie, "there is no reason to fear that man and you have to give him the benefit of the doubt").

    Just for purposes of sharing, I had 3 very distinct incidents in which I became hypervigiliant in regards to men.

    1. I went to a private kindergarten art school, and on one day, a man came to give a presentation on fairy tales. I immediately sensed something "creepy" about him, as he would make a point to stare at me or to sit close to me, and I immediately went to one of my teachers (who was probably about 24 years old) and told her I wanted to go home. She couldn't quite understand it, and called my mother to pick me up. I was only about 5 years old then, but looking back, I think he was probably some sort of child molester. According to Bertrand Russell, children are most immediately in touch with their atavistic instincts. I think that young children (and also animals) can immediately tell if a person is dangerous or being insincere.

    2. I was 15 and at an outgoing for a camping trip within my church. There was an adult male supervisor there who was visiting from another branch of the church. During the entire weekend, he kept taking numerous photographs of me, while ignoring the other children. I immediately sensed there was something "not quite right" about him and made it a point to be with the other male churchgoers my age during the entire duration of the trip. Anyhow, the boys ended up protecting me, but one of them did end up throwing me into a lake for fun. However, the male supervisor never approached me while the other boys were around, although he tried very hard to approach me around other girls. The gut feeling (Te + Ni) I had about the man was exactly similar to the incident when I was 5.

    3. Just recently, I was picking up some items at a shop, and a man was following me around the entire store. He followed me everywhere and I had the initial instinct to run. But since I was surrounded by people in daylight, I convinced myself that I wasn't in any danger. As I was leaving, he followed me to checkout, then outside to where my car was, but stopped just before the outside of the entrance. I think the reason being was that there were many people around, and he couldn't act without being seen.

    I think we should trust our instincts. They are quite logical in that we immediately sense something wrong about the entire picture, and even if we do not have all the evidence, there is something there that threatens our well being.

    OT, I felt the same way about John Edwards watching him in the Democratic debates. There's just something about that man that feels "wrong" to me. I'm not comparing him to incidents 1-3, but definitely something about him brings about those atavistic instincts within myself in which tells you not to trust that individual.

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