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  1. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    That's not "forgive and forget"; that's "forgive and don't mention it".
    Wordy.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Opal's Avatar
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    This is silly... you can move forward while bearing in mind the past, especially if you come to understand what motivated the action that bothered you.
    Likes Totenkindly, Empressc liked this post

  3. #13
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 93JC View Post
    I don't need to forgive to move on.
    Oh, aren't you just special :P

    (Lol)
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Urarienev View Post
    Oh, aren't you just special :P

    (Lol)
    What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

  5. #15
    Senior Member Frosty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Opal View Post
    This is silly... you can move forward while bearing in mind the past, especially if you come to understand what motivated the action that bothered you.
    But if you are keeping in mind the past, aren't you subconciously holding that against someone? You are more liable to judge them in the future against those actions, say if someone cheated on me, stole from me, lied to me, ect, I would try to try to forgive but if you do not forget that you were lied to, are you going to judge someone more harshly next time it happens? Obviously you could just end whatever relationship you had with someone, but what if these offenses were smaller. Someone wears your clothes without your permission and ruins it, later thy ask to borrow your car. Do you let them, or do you say no because they were irresponsible in the past? If you refuse, did you ever forgive them in the first place? Is forgiveness an absolute, or are there levels of black and white?

  6. #16
    Senior Member Opal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frosty6226 View Post
    But if you are keeping in mind the past, aren't you subconciously holding that against someone? You are more liable to judge them in the future against those actions, say if someone cheated on me, stole from me, lied to me, ect, I would try to try to forgive but if you do not forget that you were lied to, are you going to judge someone more harshly next time it happens? Obviously you could just end whatever relationship you had with someone, but what if these offenses were smaller. Someone wears your clothes without your permission and ruins it, later thy ask to borrow your car. Do you let them, or do you say no because they were irresponsible in the past? If you refuse, did you ever forgive them in the first place? Is forgiveness an absolute, or are there levels of black and white?
    Should you not judge them more harshly for repeated transgressions? If you communicate the problem, help them understand why it is such, and come to understand their perspective, you can differentiate between past and present.

  7. #17
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    I haven't forgotten that my older brother pulled my hair and making me cry for going to his train set he put together and tearing it apart when I was about 4 years old. Though indeed I forgive him for it. Though it might have been an eency bit my fault.

  8. #18
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    There's a difference between holding a grudge and being prudent.

    If someone does something terrible to me, I'm capable of evaluating the situation, working through my feelings, and allowing myself to interact with them after without trying to hurt them, undermine them, ruin them, etc. I can even give them future chances.

    But it doesn't mean I immediately give them full access to my life or my heart just because I 'forgave' them-- not until I see signs that it is safe to do so and they have learned something enough to be trusted.

    I'm not sure why people want to operate at the poles, of either never trusting someone again regardless or else feeling like they have to allow someone who has already abused them once to potentially abuse them again. If I leave the stove on once and burn myself, it doesn't mean I'll never use the stove again or I'll use the stove carelessly all the time; I'll just check the burner next time before I touch it, to make sure it's not on.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft
    Likes Opal, Julius_Van_Der_Beak liked this post

  9. #19
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    If our minds were erased of the past, then we would hold no grudge, but we would also be incapable of forgiving. In order to actually forgive someone, you have to first comprehend what they have done to you. Denial and memory loss are ways to bypass forgiveness which is really difficult.

    Understanding fully can be helpful in forgiveness because you typically discover that the pain someone caused you was never about you, but about their own internal suffering. When you understand that their ability to harm you came from their inability to see you in the first place. You see it was actually an expression of their own misery (which often results from internal constructs of entitlement). When you see why you would rather be you (hurt and all,) than them (entitlement-suffering and all), then it becomes easier to start to forgive.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  10. #20
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    I have never learned to forgive, don't really know what it is. I just move on, don't make it a habit or I just grow more and more distant each time.
    Im out, its been fun

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