No, @Frosty, you don't seem like a fraud or a freak at all. Do not hate yourself for being sick. Having mental health struggles is just as valid as any other illnesses. It's just that. Think of mental illnesses not as character flaws or choices, but as real illnesses that can be treated.
I'm glad you want to live. That's a huge step in recovery--to want it. You will rise out of this, I promise. There is never a hopeless person, only a struggling person. A way out of the tunnel is always there. Sometimes you just have to walk until you can see it.