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  1. #1
    The Green Jolly Robin H.
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    Default I feel pulled and ripped apart by various things which call me

    I am called to practice music, practice drawing, practice writing, read the classics, train as an athlete, run a business, or be involved in money making.

    None of it is a goal on to itself. All of it is done as naturally as someone who breathes so it is not vanity which pulls me but my true being, my essence, my sacred fire, and my soul.

    Yet with work I cannot find the time to progress and I will have to sacrifice I believe some of these things.

    But these things make me physically healthy.

    I believe this is mayhaps why I have been told I may have asbergers because without these routines I have nervous system issues. It seems that hearing and practicing music has an effect on my brain chemistry as much as running and doing pullups and helping and serving and writing and drawing. All of it is a biological thing...

    Anyone feel this way too?
    "i shut the door and in the morning
    it was open
    -the end"




    Olemn slammed his hammer and from the sparks on the metal of his anvil came the spheres of the heavens.

    Sayrah blew life into the spheres and they moved. From her wheel she weaved the names of people in to mystery.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Eluded_One's Avatar
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    I can't relate, but another ENTJ I've known for a very long time can. He would try to achieve [and brag about] all those things you mentioned above. At the moment, he's suffering from kidney failure from all the damage he's put on his body through the years; from overeating, to lack of sleep, and overworking.

    My only advice is: your health in it's entirety is a precursor to how much *more* you can enjoy life.
    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -anonymous
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  3. #3
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    What's your enneagram?

  4. #4
    The Green Jolly Robin H.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eluded_One View Post
    I can't relate, but another ENTJ I've known for a very long time can. He would try to achieve [and brag about] all those things you mentioned above. At the moment, he's suffering from kidney failure from all the damage he's put on his body through the years; from overeating, to lack of sleep, and overworking.

    My only advice is: your health in it's entirety is a precursor to how much *more* you can enjoy life.

    That's interesting. Since I stopped going out for stereotypical things like bar nights and sports nights and instead went inwards to work on my various passions I've lost 40lbs, aquired insane amounts of stamina, and become all around tremendously in shape.

    My issue is with integrating all the things...you know. One thing I don't do anymore is watch t.v. I find that on average, a person who says they watch 1 hour of t.v. watches 3-5. I watch 0 t.v. So you see I am in great shape. The issue is not my physical health but this feeling of sacrifice.
    "i shut the door and in the morning
    it was open
    -the end"




    Olemn slammed his hammer and from the sparks on the metal of his anvil came the spheres of the heavens.

    Sayrah blew life into the spheres and they moved. From her wheel she weaved the names of people in to mystery.

  5. #5
    The Green Jolly Robin H.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nihilogen View Post
    What's your enneagram?
    I'm not quite sure. Some have said I am a 6, 4, 3...I don't think I'm an 8...maybe a 1.

    I gain my confidence, become dejected and or inflated, based on my level of competence when it comes to something. I seek approval from those who are older than me and seek to serve but at the same time find that I must engage with certain artistic things or else currents of interest overtake me and I cannot function, my nervous system overloads, and my brain feels like It has a fever - hence the asbergian diagnosis.

    For example, I find that I am somewhere in the middle of the archetypal mind geared person and emotional geared person so commonly alluded to in classic literature such as in the book Narcissus and Goldmund.

    I have 5-6 300 page spirals of active imagination dialogues from created and imagined characters, some very deep, and some rough character sketches. Someone suggested I was a playwright because of all my versatility and since I am somewhat extroverted and can't sit down long enough to write a full fledged novel.

    Not quite sure how to integrate...I'm having issues that effect my survivability.

    One thing I'm doing to resolve the issue is starting some sites on my areas of expertise, such as accounting...and integrating wordpress blogs with perhaps a youtube channel to help create some revenue streams but that will be as difficult as anything else.

    But I am trying...I am never lazy or resting, always striving, searching to survive.
    "i shut the door and in the morning
    it was open
    -the end"




    Olemn slammed his hammer and from the sparks on the metal of his anvil came the spheres of the heavens.

    Sayrah blew life into the spheres and they moved. From her wheel she weaved the names of people in to mystery.

  6. #6
    The Green Jolly Robin H.
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    One of the characters I wrote about is Mr. Scatterbrains. He's a horror-core type like the candy man. I decided to take this issue of feeling being pulled apart and personify it in its negative context. Not sure where it's going to lead..hopefully to some inner healing.
    "i shut the door and in the morning
    it was open
    -the end"




    Olemn slammed his hammer and from the sparks on the metal of his anvil came the spheres of the heavens.

    Sayrah blew life into the spheres and they moved. From her wheel she weaved the names of people in to mystery.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Eluded_One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GarrotTheThief View Post
    That's interesting. Since I stopped going out for stereotypical things like bar nights and sports nights and instead went inwards to work on my various passions I've lost 40lbs, aquired insane amounts of stamina, and become all around tremendously in shape.

    My issue is with integrating all the things...you know. One thing I don't do anymore is watch t.v. I find that on average, a person who says they watch 1 hour of t.v. watches 3-5. I watch 0 t.v. So you see I am in great shape. The issue is not my physical health but this feeling of sacrifice.
    Since you're an astrology-man, let me ask you this question: is anything transiting your ascendant? When Pluto transited my ascendant 0 degrees, I lost 60+ lbs by getting into boxing and trained about 6 days a week, 2 hours a day. I was on overdrive, considering this is something I've not done before (training my cardio for 2 hours straight is nothing now). My coworkers thought I was taking drugs when they saw me rapidly lose that much weight in a frame of 2 months.

    I'm asking because Pluto transits are often resisted by the individuals going through such and such trials; it enforces personal-evolution and it's effects are *always* longterm. For example: this all started out about 6 years ago, the transit is long-gone-dead. However, I still fluctuate in weight (since Pluto transited my 1st house not my 6th), as I love food more so than the average person, but if a shred of desire to get off my ass and work it off, I'm always ready at any moment to kick in gear. That is the magic of Pluto transits.

    Willpower/Extremity is often the theme when it comes to Pluto transits.
    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -anonymous
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  8. #8
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    I feel drawn to religion and at once I'm very concerned with its opposite, material, temporal life.

    I'm drawn to an exclusively spiritual existence but I'm also hopelessly attracted to the beauty of women, I think they are amazing, in every sense and very easily eclipse my vision for anything else.

    There's a sense in which I feel like I've swung from one to the other to the other to the other perpetually over time. Never been able to stay stationary on one point.
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  9. #9
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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  10. #10
    The Green Jolly Robin H.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eluded_One View Post
    Since you're an astrology-man, let me ask you this question: is anything transiting your ascendant? When Pluto transited my ascendant 0 degrees, I lost 60+ lbs by getting into boxing and trained about 6 days a week, 2 hours a day. I was on overdrive, considering this is something I've not done before (training my cardio for 2 hours straight is nothing now). My coworkers thought I was taking drugs when they saw me rapidly lose that much weight in a frame of 2 months.

    I'm asking because Pluto transits are often resisted by the individuals going through such and such trials; it enforces personal-evolution and it's effects are *always* longterm. For example: this all started out about 6 years ago, the transit is long-gone-dead. However, I still fluctuate in weight (since Pluto transited my 1st house not my 6th), as I love food more so than the average person, but if a shred of desire to get off my ass and work it off, I'm always ready at any moment to kick in gear. That is the magic of Pluto transits.

    Willpower/Extremity is often the theme when it comes to Pluto transits.
    Wow! Yeah...pluto conjuncted my sun in the 8th house for a almost half a decade...and m y mercury and my neptune so yeah...my ruler is in the sixth house of scorpio and its saturn.

    Same thing as you. I got into high gear, started doing martial arts, and training in an evolved way instead of the stereotypical grunt and lift thing...you know wow...pluto it is my friend.

    The pluto transit is one of the reasons i believe in astrology in terms of energy.
    "i shut the door and in the morning
    it was open
    -the end"




    Olemn slammed his hammer and from the sparks on the metal of his anvil came the spheres of the heavens.

    Sayrah blew life into the spheres and they moved. From her wheel she weaved the names of people in to mystery.

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