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  1. #1
    Senior Member Ilah's Avatar
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    Default They just don't understand.

    How do you deal with people who just don't understand personality difference? I run into this frequently, but the most recent person is a co-worker. We have training the whole agency attends every year or every other year on personality type and difference, but it doesn't seem to take with some people. She criticizes people for a wide variety of things, but it generally comes down to not being like her. For example, she keeps telling me I should be more energetic and enthusiastic about getting new assignments. I'm INTJ, so that isn't going to happen.

    Every time she does it I feel like explaining to her about personality difference, but I refrain. Probably it would be better to just ignore it. After all if she didn't get anything from a one day workshop, she wouldn't get it from my explaination.

    Also, she tends to assume that everyone has the same values and motivation as her.

    Has anyone been able to change someone's attitude by explaining personality difference to them?

    Ilah

  2. #2
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ilah View Post
    Also, she tends to assume that everyone has the same values and motivation as her.

    Has anyone been able to change someone's attitude by explaining personality difference to them?

    Ilah
    I have tried with in-laws and a sibling with no results, the only thing I have been able to do is to try and come to some acceptance within myself that for whatever reason their personality keeps them from being able imagine a view to life from any other angle but their own viewpoint.

    she keeps telling me I should be more energetic and enthusiastic
    Yeah, this is always the broken record response.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ilah View Post
    How do you deal with people who just don't understand personality difference? I run into this frequently, but the most recent person is a co-worker. We have training the whole agency attends every year or every other year on personality type and difference, but it doesn't seem to take with some people. She criticizes people for a wide variety of things, but it generally comes down to not being like her. For example, she keeps telling me I should be more energetic and enthusiastic about getting new assignments. I'm INTJ, so that isn't going to happen.

    Every time she does it I feel like explaining to her about personality difference, but I refrain. Probably it would be better to just ignore it. After all if she didn't get anything from a one day workshop, she wouldn't get it from my explaination.

    Also, she tends to assume that everyone has the same values and motivation as her.

    Has anyone been able to change someone's attitude by explaining personality difference to them?

    Ilah
    I understand your frustration, for I am much like you in wanting to explain knowledge to others and hoping that they will understand.

    Ultimately, you cannot change the way others think/are. Everybody doesn't have to be reasonable or intelligent about things. It's a presupposition that NT's have. It's difficult, but you should learn to let go and simply distance yourself politely from this coworker. I find that telling you you "should" be more like x or y is a sign of controlling behavior. Don't fall in the trap of telling her she "should" think x or y.

    Nobody "should" do anything. Everybody is free to choose. Simple to say, yet so difficult to internalize for an NTJ...

  4. #4
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    Nobody "should" do anything. Everybody is free to choose. Simple to say, yet so difficult to internalize for an NTJ...
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ilah View Post
    How do you deal with people who just don't understand personality difference? I run into this frequently, but the most recent person is a co-worker. We have training the whole agency attends every year or every other year on personality type and difference, but it doesn't seem to take with some people. She criticizes people for a wide variety of things, but it generally comes down to not being like her. For example, she keeps telling me I should be more energetic and enthusiastic about getting new assignments. I'm INTJ, so that isn't going to happen.

    Every time she does it I feel like explaining to her about personality difference, but I refrain. Probably it would be better to just ignore it. After all if she didn't get anything from a one day workshop, she wouldn't get it from my explaination.

    Also, she tends to assume that everyone has the same values and motivation as her.

    Has anyone been able to change someone's attitude by explaining personality difference to them?

    Ilah

    Oh god, I've been in this situation so many times. I once tried to tell a boss about the difference between shyness and introversion, because he was complaining that I wouldn't socialize with my coworkers, even though he acknowledged that I was a much harder worker. (Gee, maybe those things are related?) Then I told him that I had some positive attributes that were relevant to my work that he couldn't appreciate since he was so blinded by our personal differences. Needless to say, he just stared at me blankly. Granted, our conversation was supposed to be an assessment of my performance. So he probably wasn't ready for me to turn the critique around on him.
    I don't wanna!

  6. #6
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    the behavior you mention is too part of that person's personality, which you dont seem to understand

    example is one of the best teachers

  7. #7
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ilah View Post
    How do you deal with people who just don't understand personality difference? I run into this frequently, but the most recent person is a co-worker. We have training the whole agency attends every year or every other year on personality type and difference, but it doesn't seem to take with some people. She criticizes people for a wide variety of things, but it generally comes down to not being like her. For example, she keeps telling me I should be more energetic and enthusiastic about getting new assignments. I'm INTJ, so that isn't going to happen.

    Every time she does it I feel like explaining to her about personality difference, but I refrain. Probably it would be better to just ignore it. After all if she didn't get anything from a one day workshop, she wouldn't get it from my explaination.

    Also, she tends to assume that everyone has the same values and motivation as her.

    Has anyone been able to change someone's attitude by explaining personality difference to them?

    Ilah
    I don't know how to deal with people who do not understand personality difference.

    Ever since I was invited to join MBTIc, I've been trying to explain that no qualified psychometrician regards MBTI as anything but Unreliable and Invalid.

    And yet the members compulsively insist on applying logic to the false premise of MBTI.

    And we all know the result of applying logic to a false premise - it is rubbish in and rubbish out.

    Neither Mrs Briggs nor her daughter understood personality difference, and they created the MBTI.

    So I don't know how to deal with people who claim to understand personality difference though MBTI.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    the behavior you mention is too part of that person's personality, which you dont seem to understand

    example is one of the best teachers
    Ditto.

  9. #9
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    I don't know how to deal with people who do not understand personality difference.

    Ever since I was invited to join MBTIc, I've been trying to explain that no qualified psychometrician regards MBTI as anything but Unreliable and Invalid.

    And yet the members compulsively insist on applying logic to the false premise of MBTI.

    And we all know the result of applying logic to a false premise - it is rubbish in and rubbish out.

    Neither Mrs Briggs nor her daughter understood personality difference, and they created the MBTI.

    So I don't know how to deal with people who claim to understand personality difference though MBTI.
    ok yes, but their are personality differences even if MBTI is unreliable. So even if the part in question doesn't believe MBTI they should have at least an inkling that people are different. Some are quiet some are loud some work better alone with no background noise. Not everyone is going to get the same satisfaction from something. So my point is you don't need MBTI to understand that people have different modes of living, but people do need understand that not everyone is like them. So asking someone to be energetic and enthuisiastic, just because that's how they are is like asking a cat not catch bugss. Not that it's impossible for a cat to not catch bugs, but very unlikely.

  10. #10
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    If it bothers me too much, I just pretend like I'm the way I am because I'm a genius. When people bug me, I don't worry about being kind very much. "I'm sorry, I'm far too intelligent to do something like that." (What does that imply?) Yeah, they'll either laugh or believe me. Either way I win.
    "When a resolute young fellow steps up the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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