I was telling my partner that I think I have ADHD, and he said that I probably have dyslexia instead.
I don't wan't to go to see a doctor for this because I don't want to get medicine or that kind of bullshit that mess with your brain.
But I am interested in understanding what's going on with me so I can manage myself better. It's kinda hard to deal with me sometimes.
I thought I had ADHD because even if I am extremely lazy I have this urge of nervously start tapping my feet or hands around or playing with whatever is in a close range. When I'm talking on the phone, or just thinking about what I need to say to people, I start walking around the room like crazy, I even run sometimes without noticing, I jump on the bed, or move my arms in odd dance-y ways. And whenever someone enters my room is extremely embarrassing.
I always need to multitask something. I can't be doing just one thing. I always forget what I was going to do because at the time I was about to start doing it I would be reminded of something else and go do that instead.
I would find myself in the kitchen or the bathroom or some other place and I don't really remember why, so I often end up eating or washing my teeth for some unknown reason.
I either wash my head like 4 times or no times at all.
It's not that I am lazy or messy, but I just can't clean stuff because I get distracted in the middle of that action.
Whenever my parents started yelling and me and ranting about all the things I've done wrong, I never listened because I was to busy thinking about how ugly they were looking with such an enraged expression, and contemplate the way the sweat started to come out of their skin pores, or the way reflection of the sunlight in their eyes altered their eye color.
My partner said I probably have Dyslexia because my body and brain don't work at the same pace.
Indeed I started walking at 2 years old, and the doctor said I couldn't walk because my brain was faster than my legs, and I was thinking of taking the second and third step when I still didn't take the first one, so I would fall down continuously. And I never walked properly until my 4th years or so.
When I read a book I can't really concentrate on what I'm reading because I'm trying to always guess what's going to happen next so I go forward to see if there's something that interests me and eventually come back to understand the details later.
When I'm trying to know more about a subject I just scroll down pages and pages reading tiny bits of words and then making up the concept in my own head, until I THINK I know it, but when people ask me about it I realize that I don't really know much about or I don't know how to explain.
I also can't never read a book or watch a movie because I spend the first half an hour thinking about how many books I will read or how many movies I will see after that, and the better and knowledgeable person I'd become if I always tried to learn so much. And at the end I read no books and watch no movies.Which is frustrating, because when I do, I do actually learn a lot from them.
AM I AFRAID OF LEARNING TOO MUCH?
I don't know much about dyslexia though, even because it seems that there are different kinds, but I can relate with things I ''read'' so far.
Could I have both? Or am I misdiagnosing myself because I confuse personality type with some psychological disorders?
How can you tell apart cognitive functions and disorders?
Sorry if this sounds like a meaningless rant.