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  1. #61
    Senior Member Ilah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    But is it a real connection if you can turn it on and off when you want to? I'm sorry but it seems like a relationship of convenience to me.
    Yes, it is a real connection. It is very hard for me to be sociable when I am having a bad day. I can only do so much human interaction a day and somedays it gets used up on unpleasant things like meetings.

    You have to hunt to find a signifigant other and friends that understand things like "I like you but right now I need to be alone."

    The internet groups don't make you feel bad if you are not up to social interactions.

    Plus, many introverts find that on line socializing is less draining than real life socialization.

    Ilah

  2. #62
    señor member colmena's Avatar
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    For me it is a relationship of convenience. But I have made good friends on the internet. I just came back last Sunday from a six day visit in Gloucester with a friend I met online.

    For 'abnormal' people, it is obviously difficult to find people they can feel comfortable communicating with. The internet provides something of a filter in which to discover like-minds.

    It isn't the universal ideal way of going about things, and my existence isn't a courageous one, but I latch on to every bit of happiness I can get if I don't think I'm going to upset another.
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

  3. #63
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Good question! *cracks knuckles*

    I wonder how much can someone identify with another person when the person in question only knows that the other person wants them to know. Maybe it's just me but that doesn't seem very sincere to me. Not that this doesn't happen IRL but internet communications seem more susceptible to this.

    I mostly see the "fakeness" in blogs and relationship threads where all people do is tell the person in question how awesome and great they are and how they don't deserve to be treated in XYZ manner. Knowing what little I do know about people I find the "victimized" party tends to downplay and minimize what responsibility they had in the whole mess.

    Secondly, this may not be the most PC thing to say on this forum (which does have it's own politically correct culture) I do think a lot of mentally unstable people are attracted to MBTI and use the traits associated with their personality type as a barrier from them getting treatment. You know, "I'm not crazy, I'm just an INTP." For those of you who think crazy is sexy, more power to you! Here ya go, have my portion of crazy.

    Example: I found the NFtensity thread pretty disturbing where people seemed they were just trying to outdo each other with how crazy and spastic they can be in real life. When I thought about that, would I really want to be around somebody like that for extended periods of time or deal with the natural consequences of people who proclaim to be like that I really think not. I've dealt with people like that in real life and while they're fun and charming they tend not to naturally realize how the translates into life.

    Basically what I'm saying is if some people admit (not everyone is here for the same purpose) that what's great about internet socializng is that you don't have to put the effort into it that you do IRL, what is the quality of what effort that is put into it? Sometimes it seems like cheap strokes to me. And for a group of people the rail against the superficiality they see in their real lives it looks like more of the same here.

    Well now, I'm just ranting so I'd better stop.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #64
    señor member colmena's Avatar
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    Listen to Ilah. She seems to say everything I want to, but my hands seem incapable of typing.


    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    not for me, however that is typical NTP passive aggressive behavior.
    This needs to be discussed. I do aggressive-aggressive or silence. I've seen other INTPs be passive-aggressive, but overtly so (that makes sense. Promise).

    ENTPs I can't talk for. Their desires baffle me. But at the same time, seem to make total sense when used practically. I hope to see one open up one day.
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

  5. #65
    señor member colmena's Avatar
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    I don't think you're talking to me, proteanmix, but I rarely say positive things about myself. I believe that I am rationally depressed about the world and myself (in general), and have aired this repeatedly. I don't do it so often anymore because I know people don't want to hear it. If I'm being selectively positive, it's out of compassion.
    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/6/68764.png
    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

  6. #66
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Basically what I'm saying is if some people admit (not everyone is here for the same purpose) that what's great about internet socializng is that you don't have to put the effort into it that you do IRL, what is the quality of what effort that is put into it? Sometimes it seems like cheap strokes to me. And for a group of people the rail against the superficiality they see in their real lives it looks like more of the same here.

    Well now, I'm just ranting so I'd better stop.
    I would think that the effort that is put into it is different qualitatively but not necessarily less sincere. Maybe it is more effortless because it does not demand nearly the same degree of social stroking. You mentioned people writing niceties in other people's blogs that you suspect is insincere fluffing. However, I think the internet demands less of that than IRL. In this way, IRL demands more effort, but is also more fake. I suppose that makes the net more convenient.
    The net is also convenient for the reason that it makes certain types of discourse easier that would be incredibly tough said face to face. I have seen people give honest assessments to near strangers when it was tough, but fair and sorely needed. I've thought that the assessment would not likely have been given if it were someone sitting next to them talking about their problems like that.
    The relationship of convenience part is that people will not be offended or feel neglected if you go AWOL for long stretches . . .It does not mean that you do not value what is there or that you are insincere when you are around.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  7. #67
    / booyalab's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post

    So we have to define what we are talking about here. If we mean the classic, cute variety - ROCK ON. If we mean the totally deranged mental psychopath - UH, HOPEFULLY NOT.
    There's also the demotivator definition:
    I don't wanna!

  8. #68
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Difficult to tell what someone's really like by their behaviour on a forum, mainly because you never know really how many of all the 'well adjusted' people you know (or think you know) actually have lots of antisocial/maladjusted sides to them that they don't show in RL but let loose on the forums by way of relief.

    Similarly, you don't know how many of the people who seem really nice here are actually a nightmare to live with or know in RL.

    I wouldn't say I was in a position to judge someone's mental health state just by their behaviour, or the behaviour of whatever person (or persons) is behind their pseudo. Perfectly sane people might, with the detachment that the internet can easily encourage in even the most 'nice' people, get a laugh out of seeing how silly/crazy/mean they can be on the internet. Perhaps they're testing out reactions in a 'safe' environment as they explore the sphere of acceptable behaviour in RL, as young people quite rightly and healthily do.

    I dunno... a sane person's behaviour can degenerate pretty far due to traumas or whatever else, without any qualified shrink being willing to certify them actually crazy.

    And FWIW IF3157, I agree with your point. It also annoys me when people try to invalidate internet friendships or communities in that way. Let's not forget some people on this group have met and married through the internet. if that's not sincere or committed, then I don't know what is.
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  9. #69
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    The majority of INTP's just want to be left alone so when faced with aggression they usually back down. When this is done to them enough times they become frustrated and hit back passive aggressively.

    ENTP's are outspoken but seem to get their feelings tread on easily when confronted with their outspokennes, then turn around when the episode has finished and make out like you're the sensitive one. They're very good at spinning things and arguing with one is most frustrating. I mentioned this earlier today here and a real live one even responded.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  10. #70
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I've been thinking about people and being crazy. I also wonder if someone is truly crazy, wouldn't they want to try and hide that when on a forum, since in real life if everyone he or she knew viewed him or her as crazy would get tiring. I mean wouldn't someone like that might want a break? sorry this is probably not coherent I'm still on my first cup of coffee.

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