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  1. #1
    Senior Member Yaru's Avatar
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    Default Lack of emotion and enthusiasm?

    I consider myself a really emotional person.
    But sometimes I just can't feel anything, and I can't fake enthusiasm either.

    For me is really hard to say ''Merry Christmas' or ''Happy Birthday'' to people, because I don't find it a really important thing to say. But it seems that for most people is super meaningful and important and they get really upset if people don't say a forceful ''happy whatever''.

    Today my whole family called me and sent me Christmas videos, and I just find it exhausting and boring.
    I try to fake a smile (which is really hard) and say thank you, you too, but it feels terrible and empty.

    It's also hard to say I love you back, or I miss you. (Unless I want to say it when I actually feel like it)
    I rarely miss people.

    After that people would complain about the fact that I am cold and I don't demonstrate to care not even a little bit and that I didn't appreciate that video about that creepy and stupid reindeer singing jingle bell. And then would start they annoying arguments about how young people nowadays are extremely individualists and selfish.

    But this also happens with stuff I like.
    Yesterday, inside of me, I felt glad I participated in an art exhibition. I just didn't feel nothing like extremely enthusiast, nor found a reason to talk about it. So everyone began to tell me that I don't appreciate it, I don't care about it, that there is a difference between artists that are TRUE, because they love exhibitions and commercial artisans who just care about the money and the people, and I'm probably the second one. Just because I wasn't like YAY about it.
    Well, yeah. I do care about the money. I care about the people that follow my art too. I don't need my art to be unique and hung on the Louvre's walls to be considered a true artist by rich people who contemplate meaningless lazy horseshit conceptual art ''masterpiece'' worth thousands of dollars trying to find a deep enlightening meaning in it. Just because that's why bohemian artists do. And they claim that they do not care about the money.
    BUT freelance artists like me, who are paid 20 bucks for a realistic digital painting in art-nouveau style that took half a week to get done are commercial and care just about the money and not the art. What the hell. This makes me just feel hatred towards the world.
    Well I think that if being a gallery artist is being an actual artist, then I find it extremely boring and pretentious. And if this doesn't make me a true artist I'm okay with it. Even though I always felt I was one. I guess I was wrong.

    Meh.
    I do have feelings. But just with a couple of right people.

    IS this a problem or just a personality trait? I don't even know.

    Sorry about the rant. I don't even know if this is the right section. I just think I may have several psychological problems since I first thought that I was different because I was an INFP but now I am living with the INxP part of my family and I am still the weirdo that gets all the things wrong.

    Merry Christmas HAHAHA.

    (...)

    Personality traits: a summary by Yar'Chun
    Introverted - Independent bitch
    Extraverted - Weak
    Intuitive - Creative 4th dimension spacelord
    Sensing - Dumb
    Feeling - Such confused wow
    Thinking - Smart
    Judjing - Nel mio intimo c'è Chilly
    Perceiving - Oooh butterflies


  2. #2
    The Typing Tabby grey_beard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yaru View Post
    I consider myself a really emotional person.
    But sometimes I just can't feel anything, and I can't fake enthusiasm either.

    For me is really hard to say ''Merry Christmas' or ''Happy Birthday'' to people, because I don't find it a really important thing to say. But it seems that for most people is super meaningful and important and they get really upset if people don't say a forceful ''happy whatever''.

    Today my whole family called me and sent me Christmas videos, and I just find it exhausting and boring.
    I try to fake a smile (which is really hard) and say thank you, you too, but it feels terrible and empty.

    It's also hard to say I love you back, or I miss you. (Unless I want to say it when I actually feel like it)
    I rarely miss people.

    After that people would complain about the fact that I am cold and I don't demonstrate to care not even a little bit and that I didn't appreciate that video about that creepy and stupid reindeer singing jingle bell. And then would start they annoying arguments about how young people nowadays are extremely individualists and selfish.

    But this also happens with stuff I like.
    Yesterday, inside of me, I felt glad I participated in an art exhibition. I just didn't feel nothing like extremely enthusiast, nor found a reason to talk about it. So everyone began to tell me that I don't appreciate it, I don't care about it, that there is a difference between artists that are TRUE, because they love exhibitions and commercial artisans who just care about the money and the people, and I'm probably the second one. Just because I wasn't like YAY about it.
    Well, yeah. I do care about the money. I care about the people that follow my art too. I don't need my art to be unique and hung on the Louvre's walls to be considered a true artist by rich people who contemplate meaningless lazy horseshit conceptual art ''masterpiece'' worth thousands of dollars trying to find a deep enlightening meaning in it. Just because that's why bohemian artists do. And they claim that they do not care about the money.
    BUT freelance artists like me, who are paid 20 bucks for a realistic digital painting in art-nouveau style that took half a week to get done are commercial and care just about the money and not the art. What the hell. This makes me just feel hatred towards the world.
    Well I think that if being a gallery artist is being an actual artist, then I find it extremely boring and pretentious. And if this doesn't make me a true artist I'm okay with it. Even though I always felt I was one. I guess I was wrong.

    Meh.
    I do have feelings. But just with a couple of right people.

    IS this a problem or just a personality trait? I don't even know.

    Sorry about the rant. I don't even know if this is the right section. I just think I may have several psychological problems since I first thought that I was different because I was an INFP but now I am living with the INxP part of my family and I am still the weirdo that gets all the things wrong.

    Merry Christmas HAHAHA.

    (...)
    You're a 4w5. You need whatever happens, to have meaning and significance to *you*. When you have that, you don't *need* to emote, since the emotional resonance (on the inside) is what you were after all along. And since other people get their affirmation out of the outward gesture, they blame you for shallowness or
    lack of emotion: but your emotion is like the Humboldt current or the gulf stream moving majestically under the surface: and they're just interested on the foam at the top.

    Some things are just too *rich* for cliched words.

    But I'll say it anyway, since it has meaning to *me*. Merry Christmas.
    (No need to respond.)
    May I guess or infer, that you think other people get more fulfillment out of the outer gesture, than they do over the underlying experience?
    "Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan

    Please comment on my johari / nohari pages.
    Likes Yaru liked this post

  3. #3
    Suave y Fuerte BadOctopus's Avatar
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    I identify with pretty much everything you said. It's not that I don't feel things; it just doesn't show on the surface. I can be extremely happy or sad or angry, but most people are unable to tell, because my face doesn't reflect my emotions. Most of the time, it's impassive and unreadable.

    I know it frustrates and vexes my friends and family, but I just can't fake enthusiasm. And I don't like feeling forced to say "I love you" out of some sense of obligation. I can only say it when I want to say it.

    And I hardly ever remember to say "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas". But that's because I don't really care about either. Birthdays are meaningless, because the person having the birthday did nothing worth celebrating. So you were born, big deal. Your mom and the doctors and nurses did all the hard work. You were just there. And as for Christmas... all it means to me is a day where you have to prove your love for people based on how much money you spend on them. It seems shallow to me. I would prefer to give my loved ones gifts because I want to, not because it's expected of me.
    Likes Yaru, Video liked this post

  4. #4
    Senior Member Yaru's Avatar
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    Thank you so much! Thank you for explaining this to me, it suddenly makes a lot of sense.

    I sometimes do feel like saying merry Christmas or happy birthday. But it has to be natural to me. I find it hard when others pretend me to do it. Or get upset about it.
    I appreciate your '' merry christmas'' wish way more than than when the average person says it just because is used to and forced to.

    So I really wish you a really happy Christmas and holidays.

    Yes..people usually perceive my silence in the wrong way. Maybe it's my fault, because I look like I am a really enthusiast person. And I am sometimes. It just depends on many things. So since I often am really expressive and emotive when there's no reason for me to be, people expect that I overreact when is necessary too.

    Personality traits: a summary by Yar'Chun
    Introverted - Independent bitch
    Extraverted - Weak
    Intuitive - Creative 4th dimension spacelord
    Sensing - Dumb
    Feeling - Such confused wow
    Thinking - Smart
    Judjing - Nel mio intimo c'è Chilly
    Perceiving - Oooh butterflies


  5. #5
    Senior Member Passacaglia's Avatar
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    Yeah, I suffer the same 'affliction,' and I even created a name for it -- non-affect disorder. (Not to be confused with the much scarier non-affective disorder.) It means 'I don't care, and I don't care that you know that I don't care.'

    More seriously, I don't get as much grief over my lack of enthusiasm as Yaru does. I have a very cool non-judgmental family, I'm studying in a technical field, and I think it's more socially acceptable for guys to appear stoic. Or maybe it's just the buzzed hair and beard that frighten people who would otherwise give me grief.

    I have found it useful to learn to fake a certain amount of enthusiasm for the benefit of friends, family, potential employers, etc..
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  6. #6
    Senior Member Yaru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BadOctopus View Post
    I identify with pretty much everything you said. It's not that I don't feel things; it just doesn't show on the surface. I can be extremely happy or sad or angry, and all but most people are unable to tell, because my face doesn't reflect my emotions. Most of the time, it's impassive and unreadable.

    I know it frustrates and vexes my friends and family, but I just can't fake enthusiasm. And I don't like feeling forced to say "I love you" out of some sense of obligation. I can only say it when I want to say it.

    And I hardly ever remember to say "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas". But that's because I don't really care about either. Birthdays are meaningless, because the person having the birthday did nothing worth celebrating. So you were born, big deal. Your mom and the doctors and nurses did all the hard work. You were just there. And as for Christmas... all it means to me is a day where you have to prove your love for people based on how much money you spend on them. It seems shallow to me. I would prefer to give my loved ones gifts because I want to, not because it's expected of me.

    Totally.
    I have a really hard time faking enthusiasm too, on the other hand I'm not as good hiding negative emotions. So I always look like I am in a bad mood haha.

    Actually people perceive me in different ways. Strangers think I am really quiet and reserved. Strangers in the artistic field perceive me as a bubbly happy girl. Family perceive me as a depressed autistic girl that is always in a bad mood. Boyfriend perceive me as a mystical ice elf.

    I also experience some actual lack of emotion, at times I just feel NOTHING.
    Like when my sister tells me that she misses and loves me, all I can feel is a feeble sense of piety and maybe guilt? but I just can't feel anything towards her. I think I kind of care but .Eh.


    Yes. I don't like that sort of obligations, if I feel like giving presents I'll do it when I want. For my best friends birthdays I just took their favorite vegetable and drew a funny face on them. I think its a better present. When I can I try to get tiny presents for them all the time anyway. When I go to the mall trying to find something for me, I find 1837283 things that I think ''Omg this is perfect for that person''

    Personality traits: a summary by Yar'Chun
    Introverted - Independent bitch
    Extraverted - Weak
    Intuitive - Creative 4th dimension spacelord
    Sensing - Dumb
    Feeling - Such confused wow
    Thinking - Smart
    Judjing - Nel mio intimo c'è Chilly
    Perceiving - Oooh butterflies


  7. #7
    Senior Member Yaru's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Passacaglia View Post
    Yeah, I suffer the same 'affliction,' and I even created a name for it -- non-affect disorder. (Not to be confused with the much scarier non-affective disorder.) It means 'I don't care, and I don't care that you know that I don't care.'

    More seriously, I don't get as much grief over my lack of enthusiasm as Yaru does. I have a very cool non-judgmental family, I'm studying in a technical field, and I think it's more socially acceptable for guys to appear stoic. Or maybe it's just the buzzed hair and beard that frighten people who would otherwise give me grief.

    I have found it useful to learn to fake a certain amount of enthusiasm for the benefit of friends, family, potential employers, etc..
    Oh. That's great haha.

    Well, it's actually helpful to have a family that resembles and understands your way of acting. or...non acting ahah.
    My family is way more chaotic and confusing. They all have similar different opinions that contradict themselves all the time. It is so funny and enraging at the same time to see how my divorced ESTJ and INFP grandparents agree and discuss over things that they normally are not of the same opinion at all.

    I am at heart a happy person. But life is too much of a disappointment to me, and I reached a point when I just don't want to care and end up not caring for real.
    It is still exhausting when they complain so much over stuff and are too busy being loud and annoying to think that maybe other people have different beliefs and needs.

    Personality traits: a summary by Yar'Chun
    Introverted - Independent bitch
    Extraverted - Weak
    Intuitive - Creative 4th dimension spacelord
    Sensing - Dumb
    Feeling - Such confused wow
    Thinking - Smart
    Judjing - Nel mio intimo c'è Chilly
    Perceiving - Oooh butterflies


  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yaru View Post
    Totally.
    I have a really hard time faking enthusiasm too
    Then don't.


    You're only as indebted as you allow yourself to be.
    Besides, you're doing no one a service by faking what isn't there. It's hardly different from a lie. To lie is to sabotage.

  9. #9
    Senior Member blahblahbob's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yaru View Post
    Oh. That's great haha.

    Well, it's actually helpful to have a family that resembles and understands your way of acting. or...non acting ahah.
    My family is way more chaotic and confusing. They all have similar different opinions that contradict themselves all the time. It is so funny and enraging at the same time to see how my divorced ESTJ and INFP grandparents agree and discuss over things that they normally are not of the same opinion at all.

    I am at heart a happy person. But life is too much of a disappointment to me, and I reached a point when I just don't want to care and end up not caring for real.
    It is still exhausting when they complain so much over stuff and are too busy being loud and annoying to think that maybe other people have different beliefs and needs.
    I despise my family - so I find it difficult to be nice to them at all. Most INFP types really need to feel things are meaningful and not just glaze on the cake. I remember when I attended a family function with an ex-girlfriend once and all her family seemed to enjoy one another and treat each other well, and they were all really nice and open to me and I was just kind of shocked. I never knew what it was like to be around a family that actually liked one another. It was the first time in my overly introverted life experience that I really realized that other people just weren't the same. Of course, my whole outlook on the world kind of changes when I'm with a woman I love, so that may be part of it too.

    But, yes, nothing makes me more annoyed than the superficial glib over holidays. I used to go out of my way to get assigned shifts during holidays so I had an excuse not to be around for long.

    Anyway, when I was religious, I only liked the very serious religious aspects of Christmas and other holidays and was somewhat annoyed at the superficiality of the culture towards it. I.E. the holiday is about Jesus, not reindeer and presents and tinsel and all that. Now that I'm an atheist, I feel exactly the same way... I hate stupid happy Christmas songs that you hear in the mall and the vast consumerism of it and think if people are going to celebrate it, they should look at the core philosophical meanings behind it. Cause I'm a jerk that way.

  10. #10
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blahblahbob View Post
    Anyway, when I was religious, I only liked the very serious religious aspects of Christmas and other holidays and was somewhat annoyed at the superficiality of the culture towards it. I.E. the holiday is about Jesus, not reindeer and presents and tinsel and all that. Now that I'm an atheist, I feel exactly the same way... I hate stupid happy Christmas songs that you hear in the mall and the vast consumerism of it and think if people are going to celebrate it, they should look at the core philosophical meanings behind it. Cause I'm a jerk that way.
    Unless you are a Pagan celebrating Yule. Then the reindeer, trees, and holly are powerful symbols of the season's spiritual meaning, ironically the things that most conventional believers write off as "secular".

    I do share your dislike of the sappy shopping mall songs, though, and the commercialism this time of year, regardless of what one is celebrating.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

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