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  1. #1
    A wannabe dog
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    Default People who have difficulty saying no

    What causes a person to have lots of difficulty saying no? For example, I have always hated social events, and I have never wanted to go to those events, but I always ended up going anyway because I feel too guilty to say no

    What causes me to have so much difficulty saying no to people? Why can't I say no? What's wrong with me?

  2. #2
    Senior Member RedAmazoneFriendZone's Avatar
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    Are you a type 9 ?
    Type nine is afraid of conflicts, and deeper of abandonment. Of course he is not the only one to have such fears.

    What is your subtype ?
    I hate social events and clearly dare saying no ! My subtype is not /so/, which makes the thing even easier for me
    ALL THAT WE SEE OR SEEM TO BE IS BUT A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM

  3. #3
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    whenever they open they're mouth to ask a question shove something yummy in it. they'll be too busy eating and hopefully it'll be so good they'll forget what they wanted to ask

    you're welcome
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so
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  4. #4
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Complexity View Post
    What causes a person to have lots of difficulty saying no? For example, I have always hated social events, and I have never wanted to go to those events, but I always ended up going anyway because I feel too guilty to say no

    What causes me to have so much difficulty saying no to people? Why can't I say no? What's wrong with me?
    This is a life skill you must learn, like balancing a checking account or learning how to cook or drive. It's not an option. If you don't learn how, you will eventually be consumed by everyone else and their shit and you'll cease to exist.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
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  5. #5
    A wannabe dog
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExNinjaTropPervertie View Post
    Are you a type 9 ?
    Type nine is afraid of conflicts, and deeper of abandonment. Of course he is not the only one to have such fears.

    Not sure what my enneagram is either, I had many people here typing me as enneagram 9, but when I read up about enneagram 9 and enneagram 4, I think enneagram 4 fits me better, I don't identify much with enneagram 9, I actually have a strong need of freedom and self-expression and creativity in my life and my main motivation in life is to achieve as much freedom and self-expression as possible.


    Quote Originally Posted by ExNinjaTropPervertie View Post
    What is your subtype ?
    I hate social events and clearly dare saying no ! My subtype is not /so/, which makes the thing even easier for me

    Wow, I wish I can be as assertive as you

  6. #6
    Senior Member RedAmazoneFriendZone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Complexity View Post
    Not sure what my enneagram is either, I had many people here typing me as enneagram 9, but when I read up about enneagram 9 and enneagram 4, I think enneagram 4 fits me better, I don't identify much with enneagram 9, I actually have a strong need of freedom and self-expression and creativity in my life and my main motivation in life is to achieve as much freedom and self-expression as possible.
    Wow, I wish I can be as assertive as you
    Really ? My main motivation is exactly the same as you. Self-expression, but not only that, it includes many things.
    And it is an endless progress to keep on making...

    So tell me now : How can you be free if you don't say no to others ?

    Freedom is respecting your individuality (as well as others). Saying yes when you wanna say the contrary is being dependant of others' needs.

    Don't you think ?
    ALL THAT WE SEE OR SEEM TO BE IS BUT A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM

  7. #7
    Senior Member RedAmazoneFriendZone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    It's not an option. If you don't learn how, you will eventually be consumed by everyone else and their shit and you'll cease to exist.
    Totally agree.
    You NEED to respect your own NEEDS !
    ALL THAT WE SEE OR SEEM TO BE IS BUT A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM
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  8. #8
    A wannabe dog
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExNinjaTropPervertie View Post
    Really ? My main motivation is exactly the same as you. Self-expression, but not only that, it includes many things.
    And it is an endless progress to keep on making...

    So tell me now : How can you be free if you don't say no to others ?

    Freedom is respecting your individuality (as well as others). Saying yes when you wanna say the contrary is being dependant of others' needs.

    Don't you think ?

    One of my classmates invited me to watch her perform at the end of this month. She jokingly told me that I have to attend or else she will slap me. My gut feeling told me that she values this performance a lot and that she might feel offended if I didn't attend. So I ended up saying yes

    When it comes to major life decisions, such as my career decisions and marriage decisions, I also have difficulty saying no to my family.
    For example, I've always wanted to be self-employed but my parents kept criticizing me about it, and I ended up giving up on this idea and end up "settling" and end up working for other people.

    In terms of marriage, I don't wanna get married, but my mum is pressurizing me to quickly find a boyfriend and then get married. I also have this feeling that I will end up caving in to my mum's pressure and end up getting married someday even though this isn't in my life plans.

    I often feel trapped between being myself vs meeting other people's expectations of me, I wish there is a solution for this problem

  9. #9
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    I have little to no difficulty saying no. Life is much easier that way
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  10. #10
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    It may be that you do not trust yourself - somewhere in life, you learned either from family or elsewhere that you do not know best what to do with yourself. So, you go with other people's judgment because you think it's better than your own. Earning your own trust back can be very hard, especially if you lost it through a bad experience where you were wrong about something traumatizing or important, because that can feel like evidence that confirms you are a bad source of information. But you can't be sure that that's true because we aren't static - we are free to process and learn from our experiences and don't have to repeat them. Maybe you have something in your past yet to make reconciliation with that shook your self-trust. But that's just one possibility - I don't presume to know you.

    Another reason why some have this trouble is that while they've probably been in situations where going along with others was demoralizing, they haven't yet been in one where being too gentle is dangerous or can at least imperil one's quality of life in more pervasive and long-term ways than they previously knew was possible. This is part of why some people grow rapidly in assertiveness once they move away from home and begin supporting themselves - out there, the risk is so much more physical and serious. When living with a protective family, being able to say no kind of is an option. If someone pushes you over, your guardians will catch you (not that it's right - plenty do step in more than is healthy for their offspring in the long run). When you're looking out for yourself, no, it's not optional anymore. Developing assertiveness with experience is a natural part of growing up - we all go through that, just at different times depending on the nature of where we started. Nothing pushes personal development harder than an awakened survival instinct.
    4w3 6w5 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

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