No Self Esteem Left

[Cryonium]

I've faltered and my self-esteem has depleted and I've lost all hope for myself and I feel my ambition, drive, determination, and passion slipping away. What would you do if you were where I'm at other than go see a therapist.

 

[Nicodemus]

Take antidepressants or kill myself (cry-for-help option available).

Why no therapist?

 

[Raffaella]

Do you have a support system (friends, family etc.)?

 

[Totenkindly]

I dealt with it alone (and/or with friends and fam) until my 30's, then saw a therapist.

Part of your answer will depend on why you are depressed. If it's situational, change your situation.

 

[Cryonium]

I can't see a therapist because I'm scared and broke, I have family and friends I can tell cause I don't want them to worry about me too much, strangers I know won't worry about me much, and the anti-depressants sound like a good idea.

 

[Kullervo]

I can't see a therapist because I'm scared and broke, I have family and friends I can tell cause I don't want them to worry about me too much, strangers I know won't worry about me much, and the anti-depressants sound like a good idea.

The first thing, as Jennifer has said, is to work out why you are depressed (and you don't have to tell us that). And don't rely on family for emotional support. IME family members can be completely clueless about and unsympathetic to depression.

Regardless, you can see some therapists in the public system, but you will need a referral from your doctor and the waiting lists are long. The other problem is that you may not have a choice about who you can see, and most therapists are women. From my experience, female therapists cannot relate to many of the issues young men face in society, so request to see a man if you choose this option.

As for private therapists, they charge ridiculously high prices. You could buy a dozen of the most expensive beers in the supermarket for the price of one session...

Also, how old are you? I am not sure what it's like in other countries but in NZ we have something called Youthline where people under 25 can just ring up someone and talk, vent even. Talking to other guys who are supportive has helped me a lot, even if I can't see them. It is completely anonymous as well.

Few doctors recommend taking anti-depressant medication on its own as opposed to in combination with some kind of behavioural therapy. Taking medication may augment the effects, though I am concerned with the side effect profiles of all of the anti-depressant classes. For one, they can kill your sex drive.

 

[Nicodemus]

I can't see a therapist because I'm scared and broke, I have family and friends I can tell cause I don't want them to worry about me too much, strangers I know won't worry about me much, and the anti-depressants sound like a good idea.

If it is serious, families are usually happy to worry about a relative. Being scared to see a therapist is in itself a good indication that seeing a therapist would be a good idea. I do not know how to address the cost issue, but I reckon there are people on the forum who do. Given that being broke might prevent you from seeking help, I assume you live in the US?

 

[indra]

Join Ventrilo.

 

[Cryonium]

I am a 19 year old gay black male in the US depressed cause I can never get a relationship or interest. Having no sex drive might make me happier, another reason for anti-depressants

 

[Azure Flame]

I've faltered and my self-esteem has depleted and I've lost all hope for myself and I feel my ambition, drive, determination, and passion slipping away. What would you do if you were where I'm at other than go see a therapist.

Life is like the ocean. As children, we start at the bottom and are excited to see the light of the sun and become an adult as we reach the surface.

Then we become an adult and realize everyone is treading water and trying not to drown. They cling and climb to one another for another 5 seconds of oxygen. Some give up and sink.

Few, however learn how to fly out of the water, and those people are feared by those who tread water because they invalidate everything the others currently understand about the universe.

Seek the darkness. Find your pit of despair. Face it. You are treading water and now is your time to learn the truth about existence.

For me I spoke to god for the first time. Some think I am insane. Sometimes I think I am also insane and that I have been unplugged from the matrix. I hope you find your way my friend.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Find reasons to live. Your own, not anyone else's.

Argue with your negative expectations, using evidence.

Enjoy beauty when you find it.

Express gratitude to those who have helped you. (Might be even harder in your situation).

 

[Cryonium]

Thanks for your poem Azure Flame I loved it alot and thank you to msg_v2 I am happy to express cyber gratitude to you to and everyone else on this tread who's trying to help me. Thanks everyone :hi:

 

[Nicodemus]

I am a 19 year old gay black male in the US depressed cause I can never get a relationship or interest. Having no sex drive might make me happier, another reason for anti-depressants

I call [MENTION=17131]Chanaynay[/MENTION] to the rescue. He is an expert in dating, interests, and gaiety.

 

[Totenkindly]

I am a 19 year old gay black male in the US depressed cause I can never get a relationship or interest. Having no sex drive might make me happier, another reason for anti-depressants

Well, true... although the pills used for this reason are just a stop gap and can lower your energy output across the board (not just in areas regarding sex).

It can be positive to instead channel that energy currently not directed at a relationship into something else that you really love or some cause you really believe in, if you don't have the benefit of a relationship right now. I consider that the "making lemonade out of lemons" approach, and it also reaffirms that you are a capable and whole person even if you're not involved romantically with another human being. I know the desire to not be alone can be very strong; I deal with it right now in my life by trying to remain centered and finding things that I love and can invest in regardless.

Also, like I mentioned "changing the situation," if you can find ways to interact with people you have things in common with or move to an environment where you might have more opportunity to meet people, that could alleviate some strain. Not sure what your financial situation is like, though, or what flexibility you have to move.

 

[EJCC]

Going to sound like a broken record, but a therapist really is the best idea.

Instead of/in addition to that, what has helped me in similar situations has been to answer these questions:

- What do I love to do?
- Which of those things have I given up due to being depressed?

Then fix that issue by doing those things. Easier said than done, but it helps to know that a lot of times, depression is made worse when you abandon the other things you used to love. So my suggestion is related to that of others in this thread: Power through this thing with the same routine that you would have if your life were back to normal. Do the things that make you happy -- or that made you happy before.

Other suggestions:
- Surround yourself with the people you love
- Get out and do things
- Do/watch things that make you smile and laugh

Note that these are suggestions for survival. They won't solve the problem, but they'll improve your quality of life at least a bit while you deal with the core of the thing.

 

[HongDou]

First of all, forget about making your family and friends "worry about you too much." If you seriously think you're suffering from depression and self-esteem issues that's not a weight you should be carrying on your own. Not saying you should expect them to solve your issues or even understand them, but you should at least have someone close you're able to confide in. If they're truly your friends and family who love you they'll always try to support you.

I would also never self-medicate until you're completely sure you're suffering from this condition. It's kind of a tricky situation if you don't have enough money to see a psychiatrist for evaluation, so for now the first step I'd say would be to try to find the cause of this depression.

I also completely agree with what [MENTION=7]Jennifer[/MENTION] and [MENTION=4945]EJCC[/MENTION] have said.

As for self-confidence, it's hard because while I can be insecure at times I've never really suffered from a lack of confidence in myself. But there are a few things you could try that I've seen from experiences of people I've known. First, don't isolate yourself by resenting everyone around you. Don't find negative qualities in people for the sake of finding negative qualities. Instead, try looking at the positives in people. Being surrounded by people you feel positively about boosts your mood much more than being surrounded by people you feel negatively about. And in turn, being able to more easily find positive qualities in other people will help you be able to find positive qualities within yourself. Second, complimenting people can really help you feel good. I'm not sure why but when I compliment someone for no reason other than to tell them something nice I feel more energized and upbeat, which definitely boosts my confidence in myself. These are just kinda general though, I think, like your depression, it'd be best to find the reason why you lack self-esteem so you can deal with it more specifically.

And trust me, I've killed myself over not getting a relationship until recently and it's so not worth it. Of course I do recognize that my life would probably feel a lot better if I did have a boyfriend, but I've accepted that the right person will come along whenever he does and there's no point in trying to force anything. I've also been able to focus on myself more after loosening my grip on my desire to get a relationship. I have fun doing what I want to do with no one holding me down. Dating and hooking up for me is fun on it's own and what it's taught me is to not settle for the next guy you could be in a relationship with just to make yourself feel better. Knowing how to soothe yourself without needing a boyfriend to lean on is very important for anyone to be able to have a healthy relationship. And self-esteem issues, at least for me, are a huge turn off anyway.

Sorry if this wasn't really helpful. I went to bed really late.

I call [MENTION=17131]Chanaynay[/MENTION] to the rescue. He is an expert in dating, interests, and gaiety.

Only for you babe.

 

[Cryonium]

Thanks Jennifer, EJCC, and Chanaynay your advice helps alot There really is nothing left to do but what I love.

 

[Romello]

I am a 19 year old gay black male in the US depressed cause I can never get a relationship or interest. Having no sex drive might make me happier, another reason for anti-depressants

Sure you could! In any state too. Honestly the climate out there is no longer all that hostile regardless of geography. Just attend a local rave. Free making out pretty much guaranteed with maybe some molly and/ or whipped cream covered sex fun to boot.

 

[johnnyyukon]

When I was depressed, telling my family was useless. They are old school and don't really know what it is. My father couldn't empathize and my mother did nothing. Not there fault necessarily, but depending on your family, not always helpful.

You need someone who understands. I did go see a therapist and felt stupid, but after that first session I felt, at least normal, like this was a common thing. Huge relief.

But after a while, I just had to change scenes and MOVE, like physically. I was literally sitting around all day, like eating once a day.

Depression usually has the same symptoms, but the causes are almost infinite. Anti-depressants may work, they work for a lot of people, but didn't for me. A lot of my problem was anxiety, so anti-anxiety prescriptions worked, and were cheap.

Also, I was eventually diagnosed with AD/HD so I was prescribed a small dose of adderall and that just made me want to do stuff. I did, and being productive made me feel better about myself.

Eventually, the best and most natural thing I found was steady exercise (this is what most helped my self-esteem/self-confidence) But also good relationships (doesn't have to be a girl or boy), some sense of community and feeling useful.

Even though it seems hopeless, it won't last forever, I promise you that. Keep that in mind.

 

[Romello]

I can't see a therapist because I'm scared and broke, I have family and friends I can tell cause I don't want them to worry about me too much, strangers I know won't worry about me much, and the anti-depressants sound like a good idea.

No fuck antidepressants. At least traditional encapsulated ones like SSRI pills. It baffles me how rarely they are described as being addictive, because they are. Physiologically too. Any drug you have to gradually taper off of for the good of your body/ short term mental health is a problem that should be avoided by the self esteem challenged.