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  1. #41
    deplorable basketcase Tellenbach's Avatar
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    I think it's a lack of impulse control. Some people are able to delay gratification and some can't help themselves. It's not that the guy is being mean or rude; he just can't shut up.
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  2. #42
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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  3. #43
    Vulnerability Eilonwy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    I interrupt regardless of gender and based, I think, on how I relevant and valuable I consider my current thought compared to what my interlocutor is about to say. I usually do it to expand on an idea that has just come up, to prove something right or wrong, or to make an important Simpsons reference. Also, I insert words when they are too slow in finding their own. I do expect people to carry on afterwards, but sometimes they feel... interrupted.

    I noticed this tendency to get too focused on the flow of ideas and forget about the balance of conversation a couple of years ago. I have since tried to be more mindful of interruptions.
    I do this, too.
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  4. #44
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    I will say that I do interrupt people regularly if one of two things are happening...

    1) The person is pausing frequently and I end up having a difficult time ascertaining when he or she is finished speaking. Some people, when expressing themselves, I've found can throw in a lot of 2-5 second pauses which to me indicates that they've finished speaking and I can speak now, but they're not actually done so I end up talking over them or interrupting them. It's actually annoying.

    2) This one ties in to #1 but most of the time I'm very busy and once I've got all the information I need from you, my desire to remain in the conversation evaporates rapidly and I spend the rest of the conversation trying to get out of it as quickly as I can. I've found I have to do this because the other person will either a) lavish me with superfluous details or b) repeat themselves over and over again.

    I realize this is rude though and when I catch myself doing it, I try to correct myself
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  5. #45
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    I will say that I do interrupt people regularly if one of two things are happening...
    1) The person is pausing frequently and I end up having a difficult time ascertaining when he or she is finished speaking. Some people, when expressing themselves, I've found can throw in a lot of 2-5 second pauses which to me indicates that they've finished speaking and I can speak now, but they're not actually done so I end up talking over them or interrupting them. It's actually annoying.
    I run into this problem a lot with highly introverted people, especially types which tend to naturally have a slower speaking style (ironically, ISFJs and 9s are both types I frequently have this problem with, so it's refreshing to see that one is on my side of the fence on this one lol)

    2) This one ties in to #1 but most of the time I'm very busy and once I've got all the information I need from you, my desire to remain in the conversation evaporates rapidly and I spend the rest of the conversation trying to get out of it as quickly as I can. I've found I have to do this because the other person will either a) lavish me with superfluous details or b) repeat themselves over and over again.
    I realize this is rude though and when I catch myself doing it, I try to correct myself
    in that case, a simple "thanks. sorry to cut you off, but I gotta go" *exchange goodbyes* will usually suffice.
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  6. #46
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    As a man, I have to say my experience is pretty different from what seems to be the general consensus.

    1.I find I interrupt men more than I interrupt women.

    2.I also find that men interrupt me more than women do.

    3.I also find that occasionally I'm happy to let a woman interrupt me and then to listen to her because often when she does, she's sharing something emotional and/or personal, so I get to sit back and enjoy garnering some deeper knowledge about where she's coming from and who she is...

    4. There's definitely a socio-sexual element to all this.

    Even though I'm pretty ambivalent towards whether I'm talking or listening (unless the person has proven themselves to be a vapid fool, wherein I'm always warm and encouraging, and prefer to listen), sometimes I find, especially in a group of men, that men cut each other off pretty often, especially in the company of women. I'm not sure most guys I know are conscious of it, but it's the same way with all my male friends when we chill together, even without women.

    It's always a competition: who can make the others laugh the most, who can do such and such activity the best. I honestly like it that way, but I think this male aggressive nature can lend itself to any situation, especially when the man in question is an extrovert.

    If an extroverted man is hitting on a woman, he'll want to prove himself worthy of mating, so he'll want to maximize his opportunity to mate with said woman by persuading her of his value as a mate. He'll be visibly amped up and he'll want to share a distinguishing experience etc. Some women love that, while others are repulsed by it. To each their own...

    I find that women can get competitive in a conversation too, but if it suits me to interrupt, I find it's easier to bulldoze over a woman's voice, which is less resonant and less able to generate force than my own. (I have an especially powerful voice though, which might negate my further observations in this paragraph) Women also seem more prone to "fold up" in a live argument. It stands to reason that perhaps women aren't necessarily less "competitive" in conversation, merely that they are more used to being bulldozed? The conflict, then, is that some women feel entitled to having their voice heard without retaining the ability to "earn" it by force.

    Sidenote: I find that "good listener" is a trait that women generally seek but find to be rare. I hypothesize that this is because women recognize that listening for men is, at its core, a choice more than a forced reality.

    I also find it is more common for a woman to seek a more profound sort of "sharing" in intimate (romantic or platonic) conversation. Because of this, women prefer to listen more than men do and for longer periods, if they are truly interested in the other. If a guy I know is listening to me, it's probably because I'm talking about something practical, like a way to improve on an activity we both like or a sport we both play, or else I'm making him laugh.

    One man's observations.

  7. #47
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    basically what i mean is, i don't fault men for this. it's kind of encoded in them by the patterns they learn as very young boys acquiring language and social skills. and i believe that it's so unconscious that if a woman really were to assert herself, in most instances, the men would respect that and give her a voice
    I never have trouble being heard in groups of men, but then I have spent most of my academic and professional life in groups that were mostly male, so perhaps I am just used to it. I don't feel I have to exert any particular effort to do so, either. I also concern myself more with the quality than the quantity of what I say. If I have nothing to say, I will remain quiet and listen, but if I have something to contribute, I will give it all the words it takes. I have a strong voice as well, and can use it to good effect when needed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam View Post
    The common view seems to be that women use more words to get the same message across. Do you think this is true? If so, it could explain why women are interrupted more often than their succinct, male counterparts.
    Sometimes. They also seem to put across more messages of limited value.
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  8. #48
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    I would like to point out that people's reports of their own interrupting of others isn't exactly objective.
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  9. #49
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Not a lot. Mainly with this ESTJ I know who is an awful listener. I think he likely does it to other men too, but just ones not in authority above him. I've had a lot of ESFJ women do this to me also. Sometimes I think they just don't follow me and want to cut short what they deem irrelevant babble.

    Because I am often very quiet, I can also experience the opposite. It will be like, "Wait! She's finally going to speak! Everyone hush!". That can be kind of embarrassing...

    I actually have a problem with interrupting people because I grew up in a family where this was the norm. If you DON'T interrupt, then it can seem like you're not that "into" what someone is saying. It's expected to get excited and have such an overflow of ideas that you inject a lot spontaneously. You also won't get a word in edge-wise if you don't keep up to their speed. Somehow we have a pretty good feel for when an okay moment to interrupt comes in, so that it just feels like a very fast back & forth, and you can finish your point at the next turn if need be.
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  10. #50

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    I get told I don't listen sometimes, but not that I interrupt. I sometimes walk away halfway through conversations too. I haven't noticed interrupting as gender specific, more ego specific.

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