User Tag List

Results 1 to 10 of 10

  1. #1

    Default Change in Attachment Style

    I want to have a secure personality. How can I make that happen?

    http://www.psychalive.org/what-is-yo...achment-style/

    Adult Attachment Styles

    Secure Personality:

    People who formed secure attachments in childhood have secure attachment patterns in adulthood. They have a strong sense of themselves and they desire close associations with others. They basically have a positive view of themselves, their partners and their relationships. Their lives are balanced: they are both secure in their independence and in their close relationships.

    Dismissive Personality:

    Those who had avoidant attachments in childhood most likely have dismissive attachment patterns as adults. These people tend to be loners; they regard relationships and emotions as being relatively unimportant. They are cerebral and suppress their feelings. Their typical response to conflict and stressful situations is to avoid them by distancing themselves. These people’s lives are not balanced: they are inward and isolated, and emotionally removed from themselves and others.

    Preoccupied Personality:

    Children who have an ambivalent/anxious attachment often grow up to have preoccupied attachment patterns. As adults, they are self-critical and insecure. They seek approval and reassurance from others, yet this never relieves their self-doubt. In their relationships, deep-seated feelings that they are going to be rejected make them worried and not trusting. This drives them to act clingy and overly dependent with their partner. These people’s lives are not balanced: their insecurity leaves them turned against themselves and emotionally desperate in their relationships.

    Fearful-Avoidant Personality:

    People who grew up with disorganized attachments often develop fearful-avoidant patterns of attachment. Since, as children, they detached from their feelings during times of trauma, as adults, they continue to be somewhat detached from themselves. They desire relationships and are comfortable in them until they develop emotionally close. At this point, the feelings that were repressed in childhood begin to resurface and, with no awareness of them being from the past, they are experienced in the present. The person is no longer in life today but rather, is suddenly re-living an old trauma. These people’s lives are not balanced: they do not have a coherent sense of themselves nor do they have a clear connection with others.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  2. #2
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    729 sx/sp
    Socionics
    IEE Ne
    Posts
    5,634

    Default

    very interesting. i think i was a combination of secure and ambivalent/anxious. i definitely have to fight against the tendencies of a preoccupied adult attachment in my relationships. i do this by focusing on the security, and by trying to recognize and rationalize my way out of preoccupied thoughts and behaviors.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  3. #3

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    very interesting. i think i was a combination of secure and ambivalent/anxious. i definitely have to fight against the tendencies of a preoccupied adult attachment in my relationships. i do this by focusing on the security, and by trying to recognize and rationalize my way out of preoccupied thoughts and behaviors.
    When you focus on security, what do you focus on in particular? Fond memories, a place of respite, a meditative state, ...?

    What arguments allow you to rationalize yourself out of your preoccupied thoughts?

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  4. #4
    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    CROW
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Socionics
    LII None
    Posts
    9,027

    Default

    Ditto. I got the stupid Gollum one at the bottom. I think you just have to find things, behaviors and thought patterns that make you happy that are under your control. Nobody is going to come along and cure you of it.

    Cue Mole post about the need for Freudian psychoanalysis.
    [Trump's] rhetoric is not an abuse of power. In the same way that it's also not against the law to do a backflip off of the roof of your house onto your concrete driveway. It's just mind-numbingly stupid and, to say the least, counterproductive. - Bush did 9-11


    This is not going to go the way you think....

    Visit my Johari:
    http://kevan.org/johari?name=Birddude78

  5. #5
    Vulnerability Eilonwy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sp/so
    Posts
    6,172

    Default

    According to the article, I should fit under dismissive personality, but I think I might be more of a combo of dismissive and preoccupied. I've been doing a lot of self-examination here and that, as well as working on my problem areas throughout my life, has helped a lot. I've found that the way I've been dealing with my emotions has probably been adding to my problems instead of helping them, so I'm trying some new techniques.

    Keep challenging yourself.
    Johari / Nohari

    “That we are capable only of being what we are remains our unforgivable sin.” ― Gene Wolfe

    reminder to self: "That YOU that you are so proud of is a story woven together by your interpreter module to account for as much of your behavior as it can incorporate, and it denies or rationalizes the rest." "Who's in Charge? Free Will and the Science of the Brain" by Michael S. Gazzaniga

  6. #6
    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    CROW
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Socionics
    LII None
    Posts
    9,027

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eilonwy View Post
    According to the article, I should fit under dismissive personality, but I think I might be more of a combo of dismissive and preoccupied.

    Isn't that just "fearful-anxious" ?
    [Trump's] rhetoric is not an abuse of power. In the same way that it's also not against the law to do a backflip off of the roof of your house onto your concrete driveway. It's just mind-numbingly stupid and, to say the least, counterproductive. - Bush did 9-11


    This is not going to go the way you think....

    Visit my Johari:
    http://kevan.org/johari?name=Birddude78

  7. #7
    Vulnerability Eilonwy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sp/so
    Posts
    6,172

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by msg_v2 View Post
    Isn't that just "fearful-anxious" ?
    Not sure. Oh. I just went back to the article and saw that there's a quiz. I'll take it and see what comes up.

    ETA: Came up with preoccupied.
    Johari / Nohari

    “That we are capable only of being what we are remains our unforgivable sin.” ― Gene Wolfe

    reminder to self: "That YOU that you are so proud of is a story woven together by your interpreter module to account for as much of your behavior as it can incorporate, and it denies or rationalizes the rest." "Who's in Charge? Free Will and the Science of the Brain" by Michael S. Gazzaniga

  8. #8
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    729 sx/sp
    Socionics
    IEE Ne
    Posts
    5,634

    Default

    Thanks @Eilonwy, I looked for a quiz last time an didn't see it.

    I scored in the secure range but a little close to center toward anxious. I'm sure my levels have varied at different times in my life.

    @ygolo, Will be back to respond to your question
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  9. #9
    ndovjtjcaqidthi
    Guest

    Default

    Dismissive.

  10. #10
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    729 sx/sp
    Socionics
    IEE Ne
    Posts
    5,634

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    When you focus on security, what do you focus on in particular? Fond memories, a place of respite, a meditative state, ...?

    What arguments allow you to rationalize yourself out of your preoccupied thoughts?
    i focus on the times i've felt accepted for/acceptant of my whole self. the things about myself that are good, and all of the reasons i've felt secure about myself in the past. also i sometimes look at the negative parts of me as flip sides of a coin whose other side is a quality about myself i like very much. (i'm open minded and spontaneous - which i like, so i'm a little scattered sometimes - which can make me feel bad about myself.)

    i deep down believe that the secure way is the most accurate, least distorted by fears state of mind. so if i recognize a thought as coming from a place of fear and insecurity, i identify it as that, and it's easier for me to dismiss it and tell myself that it's irrational.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Similar Threads

  1. Drastic mistyping: what's the greatest "change in type" you've seen?
    By uumlau in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 82
    Last Post: 11-20-2012, 02:39 AM
  2. The changes in the workforce aka why are those whippersnappers so lazy?
    By Laurie in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 204
    Last Post: 11-04-2009, 10:31 PM
  3. [MBTItm] Change in your personality?
    By Marc790 in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 05-09-2009, 06:49 PM
  4. Change in Marijuana Policy
    By Metamorphosis in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 03-19-2009, 11:56 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO