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  1. #121
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    This is one of my favorite songs for some reason, I used literally fantasize about school blowing up, and even though I knew it was horrifying, and deranged, I couldn't help get this sick pleasure from it every time I listened to it, and that's when I knew I'd never have a normal life.

    I figured, I'd be happy just turning into some kind of a drifter or something. I went to a an arts and craft fair when I was really young, and this native-american man had his own booth/tent that was filled with all this really cool art that he had made himself. He basically just traveled all over the country and selling his art.

    I think at that point that was probably what I had decided on how I would spend most of my life, and just sort of coast it, or whatever. I could never care about all the stuff everyone wanted me to. I guess I've always just been a 'free-spirit'

    I need to get back into touch with myself...


    Sexually.


    And possibly anally.

  2. #122
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    I honestly hated the education system with every fiber of my body; It's probably too difficult to say exactly why. I suppose I just was not compatible with it's disciplinary measures, and rigorous standards.

    I was all over the place, I changed schools like 5 times, I did whatever I could to avoid going. I've always just wanted to be free and roam. I can't it explain it, like the birds or something, it's just the way I am. I've never been able to stay bounded. But I enjoyed the scant poetry and art classes I had.

    Honestly, I think ever since I was young I had just wanted to leave. I knew I was wasting time, I suppose I just didn't really know what to do. I grew up in a really shitty small dying town, and there was no opportunities there. I mean, I would just go out to the edge of it all the time and stare at the sunset for hours, and slowly edge my way closer to the end of it, but I can never fully go all the way. I still kind of miss the empty vacant skies. Anyway, teh four moments :' (

    But anyway, I suppose my romanticizing of everything comes around from carrying around tons of paper notebooks everywhere, and having only them and your imagination to keep you company.

  3. #123
    Junior Member Sweetheart's Avatar
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    Hmmm...

    "Really cute, but a spaz."

    Too sensitive.

    "Girly."

    Floorboard.

    Smiles all the time.

    Maybe a few negative things from people who didn't talk to me.

    And sometimes people called me funny.


    Twas enjoyable.

  4. #124
    Anamolic Amalgamation Forever's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    A loner & the very shy & quiet, arty smart girl, if that's a type.

    I did very well academically; I did not make a strain & still got good grades & qualified for advanced classes. I went to school with many kids all the way from elementary to HS, so I entered HS with the rep of being smart & an academic achiever, and I continued to be one of the best students in every class I took.

    I already liked fashion then & had too much style to be a true nerd. By then I had made it through any pre-teen awkwardness & was rather pretty, so already my shyness was looking more & more like snobbery to people. I was known (if I was known at all) for the somewhat unique articles of clothing I'd wear & the ability to draw pretty well (stuff I wore sometimes: fur coat, leather pants, silver doc martin boots, red lipstick, a transparent pink raincoat, & lots more). So even though I was socially awkward & bookish, no one made fun of me. I had a sense of being outcast, but I realize now it was more like I made myself inaccessible & not relatable.

    I missed school a lot... sometimes I'd only show up 2 days a week for months on end. My teachers overlooked absences & tardies because I did quality work & tested well. The only part I liked about school was the learning part; the social part was draining & puzzling to me. So the learning part was fine when I was there, and when not there, I was ahead enough to not get behind (if that makes sense). But I was not ambitious, and so there was not enough drive in me to be the best or make sure I'd get into some amazing college, etc. I truly was driven to do stuff because I had a curious mind, and a small part of me didn't want to be shown up by people I knew were intellectually inferior (ok, a little competitive drive).

    I didn't hang out with any kids outside of school & only glommed onto a few girls to eat lunch with when I couldn't disappear into the bathroom where I'd play with my makeup or find an isolated spot to read alone. Oddly enough, these girls were sporty types on the basketball team, but they very accepting. They were kind of dorky without being bookish, and I didn't fit with them either, but they didn't oppose me eating with them & adding the occasional comment every other week to their conversation.

    My last two years I had gotten ahead on credits & was able to leave by lunch, and at that point, I totally abandoned any efforts to have friends at school. I never participated in extracurricular activities or went to school events that weren't required. Most of what I remember from that age are the books I read, the music I discovered, the fantasizes I had, etc - all the stuff I did when I stayed home from school & immersed myself in my own world.
    Had I known you, we could've been amazing friends.

  5. #125
    Senior Member Pinker85's Avatar
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    I don't know. I feel like it was so different dependent on the person and the activity we knew each other from. I think the universal agreement though was kinda weird but harmless, so dorky?? But I was kinda secretly a bit unusual. I started stripping with a fake ID before I was 18 which I don't think anyone would have guessed. But my mind filtered everything through a desire to understand, so I met all sorts of people, I met really sad and lonely men and really sad and lonely women, really greedy people, others that seemed to be in some kinda drama every other hour, and people with lots of dreams and people with lots of dreams that ended up in what I guess people would call sad situations. I ended up running away for a month when I was 15, lived with various people that were just getting out of HS 18-19 and from kinda messed up backgrounds also so they understood why I had run away, but ended up going back home and to school ... and no one really seemed to notice.
    "My comrades and my beloved, upon your way you shall meet men with hoofs; give them your wings. And men with horns; give them wreaths of laurel. And men with claws; give them petals for fingers. And men with forked tongues; give them honey words." --Kahlil Gibran, The Garden of The Prophet

  6. #126
    Member Neshama's Avatar
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    I liked high school. Is that weird? I was sort of a prep who would talk with everybody and probably the comic relief among my friends.

  7. #127
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Brain

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  8. #128
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    The retard. Sent to classes with all the retards. Never realized I was retarded -- seemed smarter than all the other retards, but interactions with normies yielded deceptive superficial approval that led me to believe I was far more socially tolerable and intelligent than I really was. Arrogant asshole, hated and ostracized by everyone I met for my erratic behavior, convinced that it was really I who rejected them due to my perceived superiority.



    I hope every human alive gets terminal-7 brain cancer this very second. I'm not even joking. Fuck all of you. Rot in hell. Pigs.
    Likes Cellmold, N/A liked this post

  9. #129
    Senior Member Hapyniss's Avatar
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    The Weird Girl. <Smirks proudly>

  10. #130
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    When I started grad school they actually had labels. Someone specifically told me I was considered the "sweet one". It sounds like a compliment, but in a tough, competitive, academic environment it wasn't. I didn't socialize much, and only made acquaintance-friends with my office-mates.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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