It's hard for me to separate how others may have perceived me vs my own subjective experience. Plus it was so long ago.
Over the years through side comments, I've gathered I was just perceived as super quiet and shy,and thus unapproachable. That, and sweet. And smart. Also, I was perceived as solely caring about academics, was voted 'friday night studier' senior year, and was honestly completely mortified by that, based on how ppl viewed me, and and internal anger re 'but I don't study on the weekends!' lolz. There was also some of the usual teasing that happens and is directed towards ppl with low confidence levels.
My internal experience was that I was totally scared of my peers, thus wasn't close to anyone, and I felt I was behind a glass wall, not a part of anything. I had a few friends, but I had a lot of social fears and thus didn't do much with ppl outside of school. I read at home, and went birding, and was into music/orchestra.
I've since realized how much of this was a self fulfilling prophecy, but it was what it was.
"...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce
and a very bad kid as well... I used my press pass to leave school from time to time and do things like explore abandoned buildings and derelict cemeteries... we then had to write a column on it to justify our actions and we wrote it in the style of dialogue from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures
I got along fine with all of the groups, but didn't really fit in that much with any of them... I mostly hung out with the exchange students and the smart kids who didn't fit in anywhere else and worked hard at being a bad influence on them in a wild child type manner
Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom? -Terry Pratchett
I was the girl who hated stereotypes with every fiber of her being and devoted her life to making everybody who supported them miserable, I honestly spent most of my time over the years hanging out with people of various "groups" and making up rumors that I claimed people from other groups had started so that I could turn everyone against each other. Fortunately that was a number of years ago and I've grown up since then.
I was one of the popular kids. I know it sounds weird for an introvert and especially for an INTJ. I had been the target of quite a bit of bullying and when my family moved I decided on a shift in personality. So I did whatever I had to do to avoid being seen as weird or a target and that made me popular. It made life a lot easier, even if it did cause me to lose touch with who I was.
After being rejected for so much of my childhood, it felt especially vindicating when everyone cheered for me on graduation day.
I was the weirdo oddball who was always in the back of the class doodling and staring out the window.
I was always too strange and different for everyone, and I sort of lived in an imaginary world. I was always lost in my daydreams.
I would walk home from school, the wind would be so bad, I would imagine the sky suddenly ripping open, and sucking all of the bland normality of day-to-day existence away, and being transported into an alternate dimension where I could go on all kinds of crazy adventures and have real fun.
Now, I ride the Eternal winds once more! And none shall ever be my master!