User Tag List

First 34567 Last

Results 41 to 50 of 67

  1. #41
    deplorable basketcase Tellenbach's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    3,953

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom
    That describes me. I end up living in a "cave" of my own making because that's where I feel safe.
    This seems to be a common theme.

    "I sit inside my skull and look out as a frightened man from a moated castle. Me in here and the world outside. I am an entity, complete. Never do I lose sight of where I stop and the world begins. With sleepless vigilance I patrol th edges of selfhood, warn visitors away. It is my wholeness that destroys me. I long for partness in a greater whole.

    Knowing how to live is oneness with the world. I die of the hunger of oneness. I never find it. I read about it, and the words are ghosts." Allen Wheelis, The Listener
    Senator Rand Paul is alive because of modern medicine and because his attacker punches like a girl.

  2. #42
    WhoCares
    Guest

    Default

    @wildflower,

    My username is often misinterpreted that way, when in actual fact it was never intended as a general statement of my take on life. I have that username because at the time of signing up I couldn't think of a good username so just went with the first thing that came into my head...Who cares what my username is. But in truth I can clearly see now that the choice of username and avatar greatly influences how others perceive you on forums. I should have been more careful, or maybe I should just put a kitten in my avatar to offset this unfortunate conclusion about who I really am.

    Type 9? I remain inconvinced about that, I have very few type 9 traits to really justify that conclusion. I think acedia and bleakness in temperament can afflict any type really. It most likely comes down to life stage, circumstances and a general need to question reality as most people accept it.

    Now maintaining balance in what I focus on? Yes you have a point, but I also have an intesting one about that too. Before I worked with the general public, I had a greater sense of optimism about life, what most people would call a more balanced world view. I truly believed that good things would come out of life and I just had to be more resilient and weather the less favourable aspects while things turned in my favour. What I didnt realise at the time was that I was working in an environment with other individuals who closely held the same values as me. It wasn't a representative sample of society and was skewed in a more easily acceptable direction.

    Once I took a job where I was exposed to the full gamit of society I quickly lost faith in humanity (and its common amoung people in my profession). Strangely, its not the lower nor higher escelons of society with whom I find the most reprehensible behaviour. Its those we would call privileged middle class who behave in the most revolting ways. There is something about that segment which is ugly, the sense of entitlement, the demands, the incessant need to draw attention to themselves. The more they have, the more they think they should get. Do something nice for them and they suddenly believe it was their right anyway and that you are now cheating them out of other stuff they think is their due. This is the behaviour I experience with the greatest frequency, and given the privileged middle class form the greatest number of society in my country, I am lead to believe this is a more accurate reflection on my society than I had before. Such that it is.

    This idea that bad things are only done by a small minority is what I am challenging, because my experience tells me otherwise. The truly criminal element in society, yes I agree is a minority but their activites are targeted, organised and specific with a goal in mind. The general acts of unkindness that are random and thoughtless, most often perpetuated by what most people consider to be the 'good part' of society. I have little doubt that the people who robbed my coworkers friend, were opportunisitic middle class rather than the poor from a rough neighbourhood, especially considering where it occurred.

    @INTJMom,

    Now that I have thought about this more, and also taken steps to put more focus and structure into my life I truly believe this malaise to be at least partially brought on by a lack of that focus and drive INTJs require. We are idealists but not free spirits in the sense that we do well with endless freedom. I still want and need a goal to focus on, somewhere to direct my energy rather than passively observing the behaviour of others and finding disappointment with what I observe. Fundamentally I am an analyst and analysis with nowhere to go turns to rumination and frustration.

    Its also my stage of life. I have had several careers now and all with the same anti-climatic end. A sense of wasting my time and talent in careers which do not make the best use of either. Ever since I was a small child I have wanted my own business and thats an inclination I have ignored for too long. Careers are unsatisfying for me because I love to create and design systems, jobs don't give you the scope to do that fully. There are always other stakeholders who will avidly defend the system as it is and are resistant to change. There are ego's to dance around and people who fear being made redundant. I'm not saying those are unreasonable fears, they are entirely reasonable for people whom rely on a job. But this is just an avenue that doesn't work with my aspirations and nor does it use my full capacity, leaving me with idleness of the mind which turns to rumination and judging.

    My yoga practice is helping me to accept, even if I cant fully embrace, the world just yet. I have a feeling that in time, I will find a way to use this dark view of life and turn it into an opportunity. People dont come to conclusions for no reason, there is something of value here even in this sense of despair. I realise now that this is the first time in 10yrs where I have had no distractions (in terms of other people to caretake) and am faced with only one relationship, the one I have with myself. Thats important because I am discovering some shocking things about my relationship with me. Things that were easy to not see while my drive was engaged elsewhere.

  3. #43
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    5,806

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by WhoCares View Post
    Now, to find a focus for that desire, one that has longterm potential so I can stick with it and see it through. I was watching some doco's on Virgin Galactic last night. I don't really care about suborbital flight, Richard Branson's peter pan complex or the even whether or not this is the future of aviation. What grabbed me the most was the interviews with the engineers and designers working on the project. They were simply alive because someone had handed them a project that clearly got all the synapses going, fired up their neurons and they were able to sustain high levels of creativity and focus for years on end. What I loved was how each and every one of them was dead keen to start a working day and didn't want to go home at night. This....this is the essence of living that I feel is missing from my existence. This kind of focus is what I want.
    If that's the case, then all I can do is offer my empty sentiment: I really do hope you find something that gives you that focus and makes those neurons fire!
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  4. #44
    WhoCares
    Guest

    Default

    I'll accept your sentiment if encouragement with thanks. For now, yoga is floating my boat who knows maybe the answer lies around the corner.

  5. #45
    Riva
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by WhoCares View Post
    Yes, boredom is what it is. How I envy people who can be satsified with the trivia of bank accounts, investing and paying down a mortgage. If only those things filled up my hours and days and I too could be consumed with them to the point where boredom is an infrequent visitor. I like your avatar SuperUnknown, it expresses perfectly my sense of dissatisfaction and frustration with the state of affairs. It's funny how nihilism leads to buddhism. Maybe it's the only religion that acknowledges there is no meaning to suffering, no grand plan, no redemption or justice for the oppressed, only the absurdity and shittiness of life and that really our only response can be, to suffer and accept it for what it is.

    I once believed in the magnificence of the human spirit, that eternal desire to reach for something, to become something to acheive. But even that seems pointless now. Just another method of killing time. I'd like to believe there is a purpose and end to this also, the constant questioning, disappointment and more questioning. But unless I am unusually slow of mind and have failed to grasp the answer in a decade, maybe even this is without purpose and therefore meaningless also.
    If depressed why not seek professional help?

    You haven't implied any desire to follow it/Buddhism but if you are I would recommend against it in your current mentality.

  6. #46
    WhoCares
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post

    You haven't implied any desire to follow it/Buddhism but if you are I would recommend against it in your current mentality.
    Interesting. Why Is that? Buddhism sees the world as it is then learns not to judge it. I dont see anything inherently dangerous in that. Ceasing to cling to blind optimism isnt in and if itself a danger or something to be avoided. Many people have been where I am and found their own adjustment to their new understanding of reality or found something to spur them on.

    By professional help I'm assuming you mean GP Dr's & Psychologists? Sorry not a fan. I am seeking professional help, just not those avenues. I've found TCM & Acupuncture to be invaluable actually. The meditative and physical aspects of yoga are also proving to be worthwhile for mood elevation and stabilisation. Although its not apparent here I'm in a different place than the start of this thread implies but its a long process as I'm sure any aspect of more mainstream therapies would also be.

  7. #47
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    ~8 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    565

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by WhoCares View Post
    In short I am experiencing wholesale disappointment with life. But please, don't go and suggest medication. I'm not interested in hearing it. I cant see any positive aspect in being doped up to my eyeballs just so I don't have to feel the pain I currently feel. What I want, is to find a reason to live.
    Well if it's just an imbalance of some neurotransmitters or something in your brain then why not take medication to be back to normal functioning? If you get bad side effects, you can always decide to stop. Otoh, if it's not such a biological cause then medication is pointless IMO. How do you find out if medication is any good, without trying it, I don't know, so... yeah sorry my advice is try and see. Not trying to offend or anything. Just don't understand why dismiss medication without checking it out, learning more about it, trying it out etc. Or maybe you already did and that's why? I'm curious.

    I do have a question, were you always having this depression or were you fine in your younger years, as a kid, teenager, young adult, etc.?

  8. #48
    the Dark Prophet of Kualu
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    RAD
    Posts
    860

    Default

    Medication, yup I wouldn't go there but if I were you ... I might take some acid. Or schrooms. In a safe haven. With someone you feel safe with. And find out if perhaps you'll find something in the journey. Actually something dissociative might be better for you, Salvia divinorum? I know it is a drug, just like medication but I was thinking perhaps; Once. Not for the rest of your life. There's nothing to be worried about either, especially if you are bored with life.
    Just make sure to have the set and setting before you attempt anything.

    Do you meditate?

    I haven't read anyone elses answer.
    Open for interpretation.
    Jo
    Fell for the temptation: Nohari / Johari

  9. #49
    WhoCares
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by infinite View Post
    Well if it's just an imbalance of some neurotransmitters or something in your brain then why not take medication to be back to normal functioning? If you get bad side effects, you can always decide to stop. Otoh, if it's not such a biological cause then medication is pointless IMO. How do you find out if medication is any good, without trying it, I don't know, so... yeah sorry my advice is try and see. Not trying to offend or anything. Just don't understand why dismiss medication without checking it out, learning more about it, trying it out etc. Or maybe you already did and that's why? I'm curious.

    I do have a question, were you always having this depression or were you fine in your younger years, as a kid, teenager, young adult, etc.?
    It's just me. I've always been the type to use medication as an absolute last resort. I rarely take painkillers, preferring instead to let my body right itself. I also read a book recently on how to get your own brain to rebalance it's chemicals by triggering it to produce what you need. The triggers are exercise and meditation mostly so I'm all for trying that route first. Pills is a last resort for me, while I can see the usefulness of pharmaceuticals in certain situations ( where the situation is so far gone the body can't right itself, anesthesia for surgery etc...) I don't think we should reach for them as often as we do. They are potent chemicals to be used with caution, not something to ingest daily. And yes I do realise that the chinese herbs I'm taking can be just as potent and contain the same chemicals etc, but what I like about that is it's a holistic approach, a selection of tonifying and medicative herbs designed to bring the entire system back into its own balance. Not a concentrated extract, designed to fix a single symptom. Thinking about it, I suppose my real objection is the idea of medicating symptoms instead of eliminating the cause. d

    No I wasn't always depressed. It really only came on in my late mid 30's when I experienced a series of lifestyle changes that were unanticipated.

  10. #50
    WhoCares
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Serendipity View Post
    Medication, yup I wouldn't go there but if I were you ... I might take some acid. Or schrooms. In a safe haven. With someone you feel safe with. And find out if perhaps you'll find something in the journey. Actually something dissociative might be better for you, Salvia divinorum? I know it is a drug, just like medication but I was thinking perhaps; Once. Not for the rest of your life. There's nothing to be worried about either, especially if you are bored with life.
    Just make sure to have the set and setting before you attempt anything.

    Do you meditate?

    I haven't read anyone elses answer.
    Okay. Interesting idea and I get why you suggested it. I'm a little bit hesitant to try an haluncinogenic just because I am extremely sensitive to mild altering substances. I don't even drink because I detest the effect it has on my mind and it affects me a great deal. I do meditate daily now and I find that has a good tonifying effect on my mind, I haven't had a bout of severe downs since I began that practice where it used to be common that I would shut myself in a room for hours and drown in emotion. It's working for me really well.

Similar Threads

  1. SI Puts Plus sized model on its swinsuit issue cover
    By SearchingforPeace in forum Arts & Entertainment
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 02-16-2016, 02:55 AM
  2. Put a label on your type of hunk/hottie quiz
    By Amargith in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 03-31-2013, 04:07 PM
  3. [MBTItm] Putting life/love on hold for change
    By PeaceRobin in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 05-03-2010, 01:42 PM
  4. Has anyone heard of Global Dimming and if so what are your thoughts on it??
    By ladypinkington in forum Science, Technology, and Future Tech
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 09-16-2007, 06:13 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO