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  1. #11
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhoCares View Post
    In short I am experiencing wholesale disappointment with life. But please, don't go and suggest medication. I'm not interested in hearing it. I cant see any positive aspect in being doped up to my eyeballs just so I don't have to feel the pain I currently feel. What I want, is to find a reason to live.
    Not caring is a moral issue. Not caring is a matter of the heart.

    So to move from not caring to caring requires a change of heart.

    We can't buy a change of heart at the supermarket, but we can find a change of heart by falling in love with someone with a beautiful heart.

    I fell in love with Simone Weil, but who knows who you might fall in love with?

  2. #12
    Senior Member Nara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhoCares View Post
    @Nara, so it appears to have happened at all stages in history. I wonder if this is just a side-effect of having an overly large brain (as a species I mean) that some will find their mind latches onto the nature of what is, instead of operating as a funtional co-ordination tool as it does mostly.

    Or iis it the product of not giving the mind enough to do? When I look back on the last decade it is the time in my life where I stepoed off the career ladder completely. Spent three years without a job at all, maybe that period of aimlessness was actually a big mistake because it gave me nothing to do except latch onto the idea that life is meaningless.
    Not a big mistake at all, sooner or later you'd probably have to face these questions and torments.
    It was there inside you, just waiting for a crisis to emerge. No regret, you aren't a zombie crossing your life without questioning or just living the life others expect of you, you're even far better equipped than many people to face other challenges.

    You can also see it as a beneficial period. Having nothing to lose gave you freedom to (re)start and build something really right for you, and live a life true to yourself.

    And my current job is so simple, boring and unchallenging that I do not need to even think to do it. So my days are endless hours on autopilot with my mind just hanging there, left ot its own devices.
    Everyone's dying inside when going around in circles in their comfort zone. The trick is that most people prefer to avoid fear over trying to catch happiness by taking risks.

    The interesting thing is, when I play my instrument (the harp) Iam fully engaged in that activity. It consumes all my mental energy and I can do that for hours without boredom at all. I become fascinated by the intricacies of the movement of my hands and the exression of the sounds that I make. My fingers hurting is what usually puts an end to it.
    I feel EXACTLY the same when singing with my band so I perfectly understand ! After all, don't we say "to sing is to pray twice" ? It's the same with playing an instrument...
    It's because we're fully engaged in the moment. I use to say it's like a meditation exercise, we're not "someone" watching or doing something, affected by the passing of time, but we become part of the process, we actually become the gesture itself without any duality...

    By the way drawing was used as a meditation technique in zen and I think most of artistic practices are perceived the same way at some point...

  3. #13
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    So is this an example of the Ni-Fi loop?

    The getting out clause. I thought it was pointless, until I've become actively involved with people, on a regular basis. Getting out means two things for me.

    Socialising with people. As an introvert I want to socialise, but as soon as I do it, I burn out quickly. To keep the connections of socialising, you have to constantly engage with them. That is my weakness, no matter how much I try, I can only put up with so much before I eventually burn out.

    I'm going to use ENFPS as an example here to compare. They actively seek out connections with people, even though they can get tired of a hard day's work, which is to engage with people. It is still something they prefer doing as it is their strength. Where as with mine, nope, nada.

    How did I get myself involved? I used meetup.com, I joined a group that did something different and showed me what I was missing out on my own town that I have been living in for 3 decades already. But I eventually burned out after going to more than 2 meetups per week. I need to learn pace myself rather. I'll never be as good as an extrovert will ever be.

    Non Team sports. Swimming, running, something that actively pushes up your heart rate up for a while. This can cause your body to reward you with serotonin and later breaks down into melatonin which will help you sleep.

    Team sports. If you happen to pick a positive team where you join with the idea of fun first. Then this could work for you too. Once a week with people that encourages you to take part, instead of criticising you, can be positive in your life. Besides of getting the reward of serotonin, you get the added benefit of socialising.

    If I stick to my schedule and join a team sport. For someone that has never done it ever in my life (I was always the kid on the side that never got picked). I find it, rewarding and fulfilling for now at least. The serotonin high that my body naturally produces is something that keeps happy or at least rather, content with what I have, instead of seeking answers constantly. If I skip the sport even. I can feel that I'm not as happy as after I had done the sport.


  4. #14
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    There is no reason to be found. You have to make one up, preferably taken from a source of passion. If you cannot do that, there is really no point in living.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mole View Post
    Not caring is a moral issue. Not caring is a matter of the heart.

    So to move from not caring to caring requires a change of heart.

    We can't buy a change of heart at the supermarket, but we can find a change of heart by falling in love with someone with a beautiful heart.

    I fell in love with Simone Weil, but who knows who you might fall in love with?
    It's rare that I agree with you, but just today I realized that my problem is, my heart is not attached to anything. And my soul can't survive unless my heart is attached.

  6. #16
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    It's rare that I agree with you, but just today I realized that my problem is, my heart is not attached to anything. And my soul can't survive unless my heart is attached.
    Yes, the heart has its reasons which reason knows not.

  7. #17
    WhoCares
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    @calb, it's great that socialising has worked for you. My situation is that I work a social job which means I burn all my social energy with people I wouldn't choose to be around. The limited time I have at home is my sanity time where I can decompress from the emotionally draining job I do. It's not as if I materially help others either. I simply manage people's unrealistic sense if entitlement and other less favourable aspects of personalities. So forgive me if I want some me time and not spend the precious moments I have swimming in the relentless tide of ego.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Alea_iacta_est's Avatar
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    I find the lack of meaning to be meaning in of itself. I like the idea. There is no point but to simply be and be again according to the giant paradox that says so. Personal nihilism, on the other hand, is much more debilitating and depressing.

    Also, the total isolation concept is quite maddening. I always like to remember that what we see out in the environment is simply a reconstruction inside our head, that we don't actually look out into the world, we look within at what renders from input data, like having a picture from the outside delivered to a closed off room. Makes you realize the strangeness of it all.

  9. #19
    Senior Member wildflower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhoCares View Post
    @wildflower, thanks for the reference. I'll see if I can get a copy.
    cool. i remember my neighbor saying the Hong edition is the best but that Penguin had a great intro or preface. oh, i'm remembering how kierkegaard talks about 3 stages of existence: the aesthetic (pleasure seeking), the ethical (moral/social) and the religious (spiritual). it is helpful to know a little about the 3 stages before you dive in because kierk can be rather hard to understand. here is a pretty good explanation of them. here's another by someone who doesn't come to the same conclusion as kierk. his explanation is better up until that point where i do believe he cops out and reverts to the aesthetic. even if you don't come to the same conclusion as kierk his writing is quite insightful and worth reading. either way i think you'd have a better understand of your existential depression.

  10. #20
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhoCares View Post
    @calb, it's great that socialising has worked for you. My situation is that I work a social job which means I burn all my social energy with people I wouldn't choose to be around. The limited time I have at home is my sanity time where I can decompress from the emotionally draining job I do. It's not as if I materially help others either. I simply manage people's unrealistic sense if entitlement and other less favourable aspects of personalities. So forgive me if I want some me time and not spend the precious moments I have swimming in the relentless tide of ego.
    When I was younger, I had to deal with people constantly, because it was required of me at work. When I got back home at my parent's place, I would simply pass out on the bed, exhausted, mentally from having to deal with people. My parents thought I was drunk out partying. Later in life, it never got better for me, my life fell apart, my marriage fell apart. Because I could simply not deal with anyone any more, around me.

    My focus is still on what is naturally provided by your own body as a reward system (serotonin). Exercise! Don't under estimate it. You might not see it in your self, but others will. After a few weeks of constant exercise. People around me started noticing me as being more friendly towards them, engaging in conversation and being positive. I'm not buff or athletic or good looking. I noticed in your other posts that you have a low self esteem/self image. They were approaching me, simply because I felt good about myself.

    I can only bring you to the water, I can't make you drink. If you want to find fault and excuses in my suggestion that I am simply born with the upper hand or better off somehow than you. Then you are making a huge mistake. I'm not here to compare how difficult my life is compared to you. It was never my intention to be used for boasting as I can clearly see that your ego is on the line here.

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