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View Poll Results: Is it ever ok to be extremely rude to someone?

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  • yes

    9 23.68%
  • no

    29 76.32%
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  1. #71
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Sometimes I'm just dealing with things and it makes me not want to be around other people because then I'll just get even more worked up, so even if they don't know I think trying to understand that the person might be going through something is the best way to handle it. So I voted yes.
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  2. #72
    Senior Member BlackDog's Avatar
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    No. If it's okay to be rude, then it's okay to slay someone in anger. It's the same thing, fundamentally.

  3. #73
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    Sometimes I'm just dealing with things and it makes me not want to be around other people because then I'll just get even more worked up, so even if they don't know I think trying to understand that the person might be going through something is the best way to handle it. So I voted yes.
    understanding something vs justifying it is different
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    i dunno what else to say so

  4. #74
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I think this depends entirely on the length of anger, the situation, and the person you're directing it to...

    I've said before and will say again, PMS is no excuse to be bitchy towards someone. You know it's coming by now, it comes every month, you have an idea of it getting here--it's like people getting stressed out about holidays when they've had all year to plan for it.

    ... But I know that there are things that push my buttons no matter what I do. People who know me just know that I'm a short fuse during those times.. it's sort of a mutual understanding. I don't really think it's appropriate then to be rude, but I don't necessarily always feel bad for the times I am when it's understood the situation is what it is.

    I don't at all find it rude to be honest with yourself and others. You can't be kumbia all the time. People were made to vent their stress. If you say "Hey, I need to just yell at you for a while." and your friend/SO or whatever is cool with it, then it's all good. Making a habit out of things (like always being a raging asshole just because you were stuck in traffic when your job puts you in traffic all the time) isn't really being honest with your emotions, and you're sort of taking liberties where they needn't be. But that doesn't mean being rude all the time is inappropriate. You just can't be nice all the time. Nor would I expect my friends to be that way with me. I don't just want to see them at their best.
    venting stress is fine. what I'm talking about is for the 5000000th time some one lashing out on someone who did nothing to the other person I mean in terms of harming said person verbally. you can vent at someone without harming them. I mean the person had literally done nothing what so ever to you. They didn't even cut you in line or unknowingly cut you off. you went over to them and were rude.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #75
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    No, I don't think it's ever okay. I mean, it happens, and I've certainly done it, but I don't think it's ideal and I think it's something we should all try to avoid. I don't think it actually ever helps anyone to project anger on the wrong source. It just perpetuates the burden of negativity and it creates more complication to an already-existing problem.

    Like @kyuuei said, I think's fine to be emotionally honest and open with people. If you've had a shit day, and you're angry, it's cool to tell people that. And I do think sometimes one just needs to vent and say nasty, angry things, and that's okay. It's fine to get the feels out but I don't think it's healing or fair to turn it into a major source of stress on anyone who has nothing to do with the situation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    I took great pleasure in being overly sweet to people who were screaming at me, it only made them angrier, which was like delicious, delicious tears in my cup of daily joy.


    I work part-time in retail at a slightly snobby store, and of course that attracts snobby customers, so we get some real assholes sometimes. I used to have such a hard time dealing with them. I used to get so mad at them and sometimes be a jerk back but that only made me feel like crap afterwards. Then I guess I saw the light, and now I play the game with them of trying to "crack" them to get to the humanity within. It seems like usually they get frustrated first, then they wrestle with whether to stay angry or to get okay. I know you probably didn't have the ability to do this on the phone, but sometimes it's fascinating to watch their faces when they're transitioning from projecting anger to moving beyond it, it's this weird almost painful look. Like they're fighting themselves or something.

  6. #76
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post

    Like @kyuuei said, I think's fine to be emotionally honest and open with people. If you've had a shit day, and you're angry, it's cool to tell people that. And I do think sometimes one just needs to vent and say nasty, angry things, and that's okay. It's fine to get the feels out but I don't think it's healing or fair to turn it into a major source of stress on anyone who has nothing to do with the situation.

    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  7. #77
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    venting stress is fine. what I'm talking about is for the 5000000th time some one lashing out on someone who did nothing to the other person I mean in terms of harming said person verbally. you can vent at someone without harming them. I mean the person had literally done nothing what so ever to you. They didn't even cut you in line or unknowingly cut you off. you went over to them and were rude.
    I find my answer still stands. If it's someone you know, and you know the situation they're in, absolutely it would be okay if my sister just walked in and started screaming at me. If I knew she was stressed out and she walked in and took her anger out on me, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Water off my back.

    But if she was like that all the time, yeah, I'd put a cork in her. If she was like that every time she went to a baby shower, I'd tell her to stop going to baby shower or to stop talking to me after them. The situations present themselves differently, and so my response is different. I'm not going to tolerate someone being rude all the time and grating on my nerves, or a stranger coming up and starting shit... but an occasional outburst from someone is absolutely acceptable. People say things they don't mean, do things they regret.. so I'm generally fine with that.

    You have to be emotionally honest with yourself too. If they're like that all the time--chances are it isn't because of you. If they're like that after certain triggers, it's safe to say they aren't personally mad at you. Just because someone is being rude doesn't mean you have every right in the world to just take everything said personal. It's important to evaluate what's meant to be personal jabs and what is not. Usually in this situation, it is never personal.

    If I got truly upset and took personal each time someone did something they later on didn't mean at all and apologized for I'd have no friends or loved ones. If I didn't take into consideration my sister always gets bitchy when she's working 60+ hours a week with kids at home, I'd probably never talk to her. Sometimes it's just life and it's normal. What you're talking about seems like a particular situation, in which case I refer to my original thought. It just depends.
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  8. #78
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I find my answer still stands. If it's someone you know, and you know the situation they're in, absolutely it would be okay if my sister just walked in and started screaming at me. If I knew she was stressed out and she walked in and took her anger out on me, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Water off my back.

    But if she was like that all the time, yeah, I'd put a cork in her. If she was like that every time she went to a baby shower, I'd tell her to stop going to baby shower or to stop talking to me after them. The situations present themselves differently, and so my response is different. I'm not going to tolerate someone being rude all the time and grating on my nerves, or a stranger coming up and starting shit... but an occasional outburst from someone is absolutely acceptable. People say things they don't mean, do things they regret.. so I'm generally fine with that.

    You have to be emotionally honest with yourself too. If they're like that all the time--chances are it isn't because of you. If they're like that after certain triggers, it's safe to say they aren't personally mad at you. Just because someone is being rude doesn't mean you have every right in the world to just take everything said personal. It's important to evaluate what's meant to be personal jabs and what is not. Usually in this situation, it is never personal.

    If I got truly upset and took personal each time someone did something they later on didn't mean at all and apologized for I'd have no friends or loved ones. If I didn't take into consideration my sister always gets bitchy when she's working 60+ hours a week with kids at home, I'd probably never talk to her. Sometimes it's just life and it's normal. What you're talking about seems like a particular situation, in which case I refer to my original thought. It just depends.
    the thing is the hypothetical situation i'm referring to you don't. you barely know the person.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  9. #79
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I find my answer still stands. If it's someone you know, and you know the situation they're in, absolutely it would be okay if my sister just walked in and started screaming at me. If I knew she was stressed out and she walked in and took her anger out on me, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Water off my back.

    But if she was like that all the time, yeah, I'd put a cork in her. If she was like that every time she went to a baby shower, I'd tell her to stop going to baby shower or to stop talking to me after them. The situations present themselves differently, and so my response is different. I'm not going to tolerate someone being rude all the time and grating on my nerves, or a stranger coming up and starting shit... but an occasional outburst from someone is absolutely acceptable. People say things they don't mean, do things they regret.. so I'm generally fine with that.

    You have to be emotionally honest with yourself too. If they're like that all the time--chances are it isn't because of you. If they're like that after certain triggers, it's safe to say they aren't personally mad at you. Just because someone is being rude doesn't mean you have every right in the world to just take everything said personal. It's important to evaluate what's meant to be personal jabs and what is not. Usually in this situation, it is never personal.

    If I got truly upset and took personal each time someone did something they later on didn't mean at all and apologized for I'd have no friends or loved ones. If I didn't take into consideration my sister always gets bitchy when she's working 60+ hours a week with kids at home, I'd probably never talk to her. Sometimes it's just life and it's normal. What you're talking about seems like a particular situation, in which case I refer to my original thought. It just depends.
    the thing is the hypothetical situation i'm referring to you don't. you barely know the person.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  10. #80
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    the thing is the hypothetical situation i'm referring to you don't. you barely know the person.
    I generally tolerate a lot less and have little patience with strangers.. so if someone just walks up and starts acting rude to me, I'm going to try shutting them down very quickly. ... Or in the case of the random drug-addict trying to claim he was a city parking person on my vacation, yell at him until he runs away.
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