Which Parenting Style Were You Raised With?

[Luminous]

 

[Mole]

My mother was an authoritarian without empathy who looked after us very well on the outside.

My father was a narcissist with a tiny amount of empathy.

I responded by trying to get them to love me. I tried to get them to lover me by being what they wanted, so I lost touch with myself and failed to get their love. And I have repeated this pattern throughout my life.

 

[Bush]

Free-range parenting is the concept of raising children in the spirit of encouraging them to function independently and with limited parental supervision, in accordance of their age of development and with a reasonable acceptance of realistic personal risks.

Implying that it was an active process rather than a product of not giving a shit

 

[SD45T-2]

"Free-range children are more delicious." - Carolyn Faye Fox

 

[cascadeco]

A combo of tiger and free range; tiger because compared to 100% free range kid friends down the street my parents were 'kind of strict' (my friends' words), but free range because from my pov they weren't nosy or hovering about my life or free time. I feel it was a decent balance of expectations and freedom. Though like most kids things about my parents bugged me and I had some level of resentment about certain things as a young adult that I had to work through, all in all I think my parents were really good and I am thankful for them and how I was raised.

 

[RadicalDoubt]

My father was a free range, my mother a helicopter, and I... A krayfish

 

[Morpeko]

I'm not really sure. My mom had helicopter tendencies, but overall she was pretty good. Did well in balancing discipline and freedom. Dad was sort of a pushover who spoiled me. My home life was quite healthy and definitely is not what traumatized me to this day.

 

[Schrödinger's Name]

My dad was a 'do whatever you want to do' parent to the point he almost complained about me not being rebellious enough (though he in the same breath said I don't have anything to rebel against). More on the authoritative side. My mother... I have no idea. Let's just say she doesn't know how to parent. Sometimes she tried to be authoritarian, most of the time she was uninvolved. My ex-stepdad on the other side was a terrible authoritarian 'parent'.

 

[Saturnal Snowqueen]

Birth mom:

She was pretty helicopter. She was very wary about me going places, and she loved reading all my messages on Facebook. That definitely made me uncomfortable. She didn't always do this, but sometimes she would watch me do my homework. I remember this time where she wanted me to answer all the questions in order and we got in a fight cause I wanted to answer the easy questions first. Funnily enough, she would shout, "YOU'RE GROUNDED!", except it never was official. She knew she was being flaky in that aspect, and would challenge me saying that eventually I'd be grounded but it didn't happen.

Stepmom/Dad:

They were more free range, but not overly so. They gave me a lot of freedom, but within reason too. Like I had my curfew, they got wary about me sleeping over, no drinking was a given, no nudes. It was all stuff that made sense. I didn't really have any desire to go partying anyway. They gave me chores, which I didn't mind since it taught me how to be an adult. Before I moved in with my stepmom, I couldn't wear tank tops(had to be all covered up) but thanks to her I could which made me happy. And yeah, I felt independent, not breathed down my neck. I have really good relationships with both of them as a result, and they taught me some pretty decent life skills.

 

[Mind Maverick]

None of those. Drill sergeant dad. Literally even had to stand straight up while he was in my face yelling (close enough to feel the spit on my face) and call him sir all the time.

Mom didn't have a fun label.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I view abuse and neglect separately. One can be void of intent, the other cannot.

I had one abusive parent (that we escaped), and one neglectful parent who was just trying to escape her own pain.

She's my hero now for surviving and I forgive her because I understand. That's not to say I don't still suffer the damage.

My mom died 3 weeks after I posted this. I had forgiven her sometime before, but I'm so glad I was able to before I didn't have a chance anymore. I still struggle with some things about my upbringing, but my mother's resilience spoke for itself (she was something like 16+ years sober at the time of her death).

If you feel that you can, try to step on the path toward forgiveness while you still can. (I realize not everyone deserves forgiveness and some acts are inexcusable)

 

[Mind Maverick]

I thought about this more. Remembered something.

Mom was almost a helicopter mom during very early childhood, but dad prevented her due to passionately disagreeing with this being a good way to raise children. In place of the helicopter mom, I had...uhh. I guess...being taught independence/autonomy?

Example, my dad told me only once when I was a toddler, "Don't touch the stove, it's hot." After that he didn't say it again...next time I went to touch the stove he just let me, then let me learn that way. I didn't touch it again though, I guess...