What would you call this trait?

[prplchknz]

Thanks. I'm thinking about this.

I'm just trouble shooting, as I've never talked to her. is it possible to just ask her?

 

[Ginkgo]

As an introvert, I can relate to what your friend does, [MENTION=4398]Giggly[/MENTION]. I could do this with a love interest or a bestie. To me, I guess it could be equated to those times I would like to turn the radio on, even if I'm not thoroughly listening. It's about the feeling of someone's presence and it takes a while to achieve that level of trust with me. After you say everything you prepared to say, the interaction just hinges on saying whatever comes to mind in that moment.

 

[prplchknz]

As an introvert, I can relate to what your friend does, [MENTION=4398]Giggly[/MENTION]. I could do this with a love interest or a bestie. To me, I guess it could be equated to those times I would like to turn the radio on, even if I'm not thoroughly listening. It's about the feeling of someone's presence and it takes a while to achieve that level of trust with me. After you say everything you prepared to say, the interaction just hinges on saying whatever comes to mind in that moment.

that's what I was trying to say, but the phone doesn't apply, because I feel weird talking on it. or simply being on it.

 

[Mal12345]

Least I offend extroverts, I thought I'd ask. My best friend lives a couple of hours way from me, and we talk often, but she likes to call me and just sit on the phone when there's nothing to say. Even if we've said everything there is to say already, she just likes to sit on the phone together. We could each be doing other things too like watching TV (we wouldn't be watching the same thing) or browsing the internet or doing something else entirely different, but she still wants to sit on the phone together. She just wants company. Trust me, I'm not that likeable, it's just that SHE CAN NOT BE ALONE. Being more introvert myself, it's draining to me, and I'm always feeling like "What are we doing? Why are we still on the phone?". My mind wants to call this extroversion, but I thought I'd ask you folks. What is this?

And for the record, we do actually talk a lot (daily) but at times when we've said everything I'm ready to hang up. She is not and is perfectly happy to stay on the phone.

I didn't make this as a thread for people to start ranting about how much they hate talking on the phone, but rather, to ask what you would call this trait that my friend has. Is it extroversion?

This is a perfect example of "desiring closure (J)" versus "avoiding closure (P)." It indicates that your friend is a Perceiving type of some kind.

 

[Zarathustra]

Least I offend extroverts, I thought I'd ask. My best friend lives a couple of hours way from me, and we talk often, but she likes to call me and just sit on the phone when there's nothing to say. Even if we've said everything there is to say already, she just likes to sit on the phone together. We could each be doing other things too like watching TV (we wouldn't be watching the same thing) or browsing the internet or doing something else entirely different, but she still wants to sit on the phone together. She just wants company. Trust me, I'm not that likeable, it's just that SHE CAN NOT BE ALONE. Being more introvert myself, it's draining to me, and I'm always feeling like "What are we doing? Why are we still on the phone?". My mind wants to call this extroversion, but I thought I'd ask you folks. What is this?

And for the record, we do actually talk a lot (daily) but at times when we've said everything I'm ready to hang up. She is not and is perfectly happy to stay on the phone.

I didn't make this as a thread for people to start ranting about how much they hate talking on the phone, but rather, to ask what you would call this trait that my friend has. Is it extroversion?

It means one of three things (or some combination of them):

- your friend has a weak sense of self

- your friend is an intimacy whore

- your friend is going to go single white female on your ass

 

[Forever_Jung]

Yeah, one of my super extraverted friends, just kinda like having me around for no reason. It's clear that wants to be alone, because she'll more or less ignore me while I'm there, but she just feels better with people hanging around. She gets me to play video games at her house, just to create noise. If she's left alone in a quiet house, she's like a dog. She starts shivering, and getting all paranoid.

 

[Golden_Cherry]

Loneliness, boredom, or social dependency. When I do this it's because I want to distract myself from reality (i.e. a cruddy situation), which sets back in once I hang up the phone, so escapism is another possibility.

This is a perfect example of "desiring closure (J)" versus "avoiding closure (P)." It indicates that your friend is a Perceiving type of some kind.

I think this is interesting, too, though I know perceivers (extroverted as well as introverted) who never do this.

 

[Zarathustra]

Loneliness, boredom, or social dependency. When I do this it's because I want to distract myself from reality (i.e. a cruddy situation), which sets back in once I hang up the phone, so escapism is another possibility.

INTJ?

 

[Forever_Jung]

One time, I was going through some stuff, and I would constantly call this one ISTJ friend, and I wouldn't let her off the phone. I knew she must have found tiring it, but she bore it well. That lasted about a year for me, maybe your friend is going through a tough time?

 

[five sounds]

Yeah I can do this sometimes, but it's important for me to know the other person's into it too. I usually try to read their mood or sometimes ask outright. Depends on the person and the situation.

I agree with what [MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION] said too. It's nice to have company and like ongoing intermittent interactions. They feel casual and comforting.

 

[Mal12345]

Loneliness, boredom, or social dependency. When I do this it's because I want to distract myself from reality (i.e. a cruddy situation), which sets back in once I hang up the phone, so escapism is another possibility.


I think this is interesting, too, though I know perceivers (extroverted as well as introverted) who never do this.

As far as you know. But let's say it's an example of preferring openness over closure.

 

[Golden_Cherry]

INTJ?

Don't jump the gun. I was trapped in a miserable, rigid environment (the military) and had no emotional support from anyone because of my misanthropic tendencies. The only one I talked to was my mother on the other side of the world. What I described was not normal behavior for me, but it allows me to be empathetic. A human being can only rely on themselves so much.

 

[Zarathustra]

Don't jump the gun. I was trapped in a miserable, rigid environment (the military) and had no emotional support from anyone because of my misanthropic tendencies. The only one I talked to was my mother on the other side of the world. What I described was not normal behavior for me, but it allows me to be empathetic. A human being can only rely on themselves so much.

INFJ

 

[johnnyyukon]

Trust me, I'm not that likeable

Lol

is it possible to just ask her?

People give this advice so often. Sometimes it's good, but in this case what are you going to say? "Hey uh, are we done here? I got shit to do and even if I didn't I feel this meaningful conversation has run it's course, what more do you want from me? Why are you so needy??"

I'm going to guess if you asked this person, they're going to get their feelings hurt.

Just make up an excuse. "Well, I have to shampoo my cat now." Works everytime.

But you can SEE them.

I feel a strange sensation that I'm missing something here.

No you're not. To me, that's weird as shit. Apparently this is a more common thing to do than I thought, but I would NEVER do this. I don't know if it's an extrovert thing. Is she an extrovert? (can't recall if you said) I'm an extrovert, on top of being an ENTP I would INSTANTLY recognize that the conversation is over and end it.

 

[Zarathustra]

INFJ

I kid! I kid!

 

[Zarathustra]

Observation: so far, the ENTPs sound like they're not down for this kinda thing.

The ENFPs, otoh, kinda sound like they are.

And my main experience with someone who was like this was with an ENFP.

She was also bizarrely aware of exactly how I was feeling on my side of the phone.

Like, telepathically so.

 

[johnnyyukon]

Bottom line, similar to [MENTION=21195]Golden_Cherry[/MENTION] 's situation, she sounds lonely and isolated. You're a good friend for sticking on the phone with her, but you're not required to sacrifice your time for her discontent.

Maybe you do mention something. Like, "Hey, what's going on with you? Are you ok?" Maybe that's exactly what she wants to hear. She's in a rough spot and has been glossing over the real issue.

 

[HongDou]

I think [MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION] summed it up pretty well. I can be the same way sometimes.

 

[Giggly]

I love you people. <3 You're always so insightful and helpful.

Yeah, one of my super extraverted friends, just kinda like having me around for no reason. It's clear that wants to be alone, because she'll more or less ignore me while I'm there, but she just feels better with people hanging around. She gets me to play video games at her house, just to create noise. If she's left alone in a quiet house, she's like a dog. She starts shivering, and getting all paranoid.

Yes!!! I was just at her house a couple of weekends ago and she ignored me quite a bit when I was there. I thought that was weird.

One time, I was going through some stuff, and I would constantly call this one ISTJ friend, and I wouldn't let her off the phone. I knew she must have found tiring it, but she bore it well. That lasted about a year for me, maybe your friend is going through a tough time?

She is, but did you not want to get off the phone when you had nothing more to say?

I'm just trouble shooting, as I've never talked to her. is it possible to just ask her?

I didn't ask but I have mentioned it twice and both times and she seemed oblivious and just blew it off. I'm not super worried or distressed about this, but I was just wondering if this was extroversion in action.

Observation: so far, the ENTPs sound like they're not down for this kinda thing.

The ENFPs, otoh, kinda sound like they are.

And my main experience with someone who was like this was with an ENFP.

She was also bizarrely aware of exactly how I was feeling on my side of the phone.

Like, telepathically so.

How were you feeling on your side of the phone?

 

[johnnyyukon]

I think @skylights summed it up pretty well. I can be the same way sometimes.

People keep saying this, and although I agree, skylights said "i like having people AROUND" like physically in the room. And texting/IMing while doing stuff is TOTALLY different than just being on a phone when the conversation's over. That's still weird to me.

Even on Skype, you have video and can leave it on and do stuff and talk when something comes up (although this one is still a little odd to me).