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What would you call this trait?

Mal12345

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Yeah, one of my super extraverted friends, just kinda like having me around for no reason. It's clear that wants to be alone, because she'll more or less ignore me while I'm there, but she just feels better with people hanging around. She gets me to play video games at her house, just to create noise. If she's left alone in a quiet house, she's like a dog. She starts shivering, and getting all paranoid.

This reminds me of my thread, entitled "Are you addicted to people?"
 

Honor

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Hmm, I like being by myself when there's nothing to be said but I like having a fair amount of pleasant interaction with people I like regarding what is going on in my head...

I would tell this friend that it's bothering you because it's probably only going to get increasingly annoying. I think the least painful way to do that is to just tell her that it's draining for you, as an introvert.
 

prplchknz

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I didn't ask but I have mentioned it twice and both times and she seemed oblivious and just blew it off. I'm not super worried or distressed about this, but I was just wondering if this was extroversion in action.
with me you have to ask directly, otherwise, sometimes I don't get the hint, so try directly asking, instead of hinting
 

Mal12345

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I don't know where this thread is going. Giggly wants to know what trait it is. I said it is a perceiving trait. I think her friend is therefore a Perceiver. I didn't say all Perceivers do this. I think it is also an immature trait. And anyway, it depends on who you're talking to. If you're talking to your boss, then I sincerely doubt anybody at all would do this. If you're talking to a SO, then I can see it happening.
 

Giggly

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with me you have to ask directly, otherwise, sometimes I don't get the

hint, so try directly asking, instead of hinting

I didn't hint or ask, I mentioned it (I made a direct statement).
 

Giggly

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Hmm, I like being by myself when there's nothing to be said but I like having a fair amount of pleasant interaction with people I like regarding what is going on in my head...

I would tell this friend that it's bothering you because it's probably only going to get increasingly annoying. I think the least painful way to do that is to just tell her that it's draining for you, as an introvert.

Despite me needing time alone and her EXPERIENCING this from me, she laughs at me when I tell her that I'm an introvert and says "No you're not". She mistakes me being super talkative and happy when I am wanting to be around people for extroversion.
 

Zarathustra

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How were you feeling on your side of the phone?

Ummm... well...

It was a romantic relationship...

And we were long distance...

It actually felt rather incredible...

In how she was able to so easily pick up on my feelings...

Like, it was unnaturally telepathic...

So that part was cool...

But sometimes it got to be too much...

Felt like she was a succubus draining me of my life essence...

Like an alien parasite sitting on top of my head sucking my brain thru my skull...
 

skylights

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Yeah I can do this sometimes, but it's important for me to know the other person's into it too. I usually try to read their mood or sometimes ask outright. Depends on the person and the situation.

I agree with what [MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION] said too. It's nice to have company and like ongoing intermittent interactions. They feel casual and comforting.

I totally agree with what you're saying too about wanting to be sure the other person is into it. I don't want to be a burden on someone else.

(Edit, add-on, sorry) I wonder [MENTION=4398]Giggly[/MENTION], does your friend realize you're not into it too and that it's draining for you? Maybe she thinks it's pleasing to you as well and doesn't realize that it's not a good experience for you.
 

Giggly

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Ummm... well...

It was a romantic relationship...

And we were long distance...

It actually felt rather incredible...

In how she was able to so easily pick up on my feelings...

Like, it was unnaturally telepathic...

So that part was cool...

But sometimes it got to be too much...

Felt like she was a succubus draining me of my life essence...

Like an alien parasite sitting on top of my head sucking my brain thru my skull...

Did you like it if you sat on the phone in silence?

I totally agree with what you're saying too about wanting to be sure the other person is into it. I don't want to be a burden on someone else.

Me neither.
 

Zarathustra

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Did you like it if you sat on the phone in silence?

Sometimes.

I mean, we would always spend crazy amounts of time on the phone (6-12 hours, easy).

If we sat in silence, it would usually be because I was going to bed.
 

Giggly

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(Edit, add-on, sorry) I wonder [MENTION=4398]Giggly[/MENTION], does your friend realize you're not into it too and that it's draining for you? Maybe she thinks it's pleasing to you as well and doesn't realize that it's not a good experience for you.

It's not that bad. I usually find a way to deal with it. I was mostly just wondering why.
 

Honor

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Despite me needing time alone and her EXPERIENCING this from me, she laughs at me when I tell her that I'm an introvert and says "No you're not". She mistakes me being super talkative and happy when I am wanting to be around people for extroversion.
:( That sucks. I would probably start distancing myself if I were you but that's just me.
 

Tellenbach

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This is fascinating. I haven't heard of such behavior, but some of the answers have helped me understand this song lyric:

"O.k. so no--ones answering,
Well can't you just let it ring a little longer
Ill just sit tight, through the shadows of the night
Let it ring for evermore." Jeff Lynne (Telephone Line, ELO)

I think someone hit the nail on the head with the "social dependency" idea. There is a connection between you two even though you aren't speaking and even though the lady in the song isn't picking up the phone.
 

kyuuei

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Sometimes I like to do this.. but not if it's going to annoy others. I do it more when I lack friends to hang out with a constant basis. Or if I'm dating someone long distance, its nice to just watch TV together, or youtube videos or something.. even though it isn't active talking time, it still tells a lot and it's things you would normally do if you were in person so it feels more natural.

I wish I had a chick friend that wanted to talk to me this much :( I'm doomed to forever only have acquaintance girlfriends.

Have you just told her you don't like it?
If so.. Maybe you can just put time restraints at the start of the calls you do decide to take? "Hey, I've got about 15 minutes before I [insert excuse here], or I'm waiting for so and so to call so I might have to go soon, but what's up?" Then 15 minutes later, say you have to go. I have to do this with some people, and its pretty understandable and easy.
 

LittleV

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My ESTJ sister does this, and sometimes I would in return, while waiting (might as well make use of that 'time'). I think it does have to do with wanting company (state loneliness)… but it might only happen if you'd also believe that the person you'd be making wait cares for/loves you unconditionally (enough). She wouldn't do this with her friends; she knows that I wouldn't bail on her for being unengaging at times. However, this might also have to do with (certain aspects) of Extraversion; when you're so used to being around people and/or having background noise… you could get anxious when alone. More severely: there could be some issues of dependency there (not necessarily clinically) and/or trait loneliness (there's a gene for this). Regardless, it sounds like she trusts your loyalty.
 

Giggly

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My ESTJ sister does this, and sometimes I would in return, while waiting (might as well make use of that 'time'). I think it does have to do with wanting company (state loneliness)… but it might only happen if you'd also believe that the person you'd be making wait cares for/loves you unconditionally (enough). She wouldn't do this with her friends; she knows that I wouldn't bail on her for being unengaging at times. However, this might also have to do with (certain aspects) of Extraversion; when you're so used to being around people and/or having background noise… you could get anxious when alone. More severely: there could be some issues of dependency there (not necessarily clinically) and/or trait loneliness (there's a gene for this). Regardless, it sounds like she trusts your loyalty.

Yes, I think this is it.
 
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