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  1. #11
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Because dealing with your own insecurities and negative emotions - often triggered by those traumas and bullies of the past - costs more energy, awareness and investment than passing the cycle of abuse on and making it someone else's problem to deal with. It's the circle of life hurt that makes the world go round.
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  2. #12
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    @LadyLazarus

    Interesting, because you yourself said that you have a hard exterior. Have you considered that sometimes the accuser think they are a victim when it was never intended in the first place? Sure there are bullies out there that shows a consistent pattern of bullying. But sometimes it just so happens that you step on someone's toes.

  3. #13
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    @LadyLazarus

    Interesting, because you yourself said that you have a hard exterior. Have you considered that sometimes the accuser think they are a victim when it was never intended in the first place? Sure there are bullies out there that shows a consistent pattern of bullying. But sometimes it just so happens that you step on someone's toes.
    this could be it, because even when I'm not actively trying to be mean to someone, I have stepped on other's toes and making them retailiate, and so they get mad, and I don't understand why. So I inquire and if they act like i should know, I go to someone else (not for gossip reasons) but to figure out why they're mad. Not speaking for her just explaining the possibility
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyLazarus View Post
    ... some people who have been bullied become bullies themselves?

    I was a victim of bullying myself when I was younger like many others, and as such I don't understand at all how after going through something like that a victim could/would want to inflict what they went through on someone else.

    It's not fair nor is it that person's fault or price to pay.
    Because it fills you with who they are therefor it comes out as such. Be a bully to those who deserve it and be the other part of you to those who deserve that also. I am an ass to my ex, got tired of it, fed up with her shit, and she gets responses, comments, etc. that relate to crap she syas and does. To most other people I am who I normally am. IMHO you just gotta learn how to control it and direct it. It was funny because my ex said I was gonna become a bitter old man and my response was "nope, just towards you because of the way you talk to me and the shit you do."

    As advice, you really need to rope it in or your gonna get stuck hurting the good people in the world and end up being around people who are just like you. As an outsider looking in Bullies lives suck, if they were really happy they wouldnt bullying and you can see it by just watching them. The emotional swings they go through for a little bit of happy. Aint worth it no matter how you look at it, from the POV of the victim or the Bully.
    Im out, its been fun

  5. #15
    LadyLazarus
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    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    @LadyLazarus

    Interesting, because you yourself said that you have a hard exterior. Have you considered that sometimes the accuser think they are a victim when it was never intended in the first place? Sure there are bullies out there that shows a consistent pattern of bullying. But sometimes it just so happens that you step on someone's toes.
    Yes I put on a facade to ward off people I'm afraid may hurt me but I never go out looking for fights in order to seem tough, mostly I just react sometimes whenever someone tries to hurt me or whatever.I don't really think I'm tough at all haha, but it's a role I play for the rest of the world, it's more of a survival thing than anything really.

    That facade certainly was not present when I was being bullied though, if it where, the bullying would have never occurred in the 1st place, took me years to build up this exterior, I was a lot more apt to showing my sensitivities to the public back then and that made me a very easy target.
    As hard as it may be to believe, as a child I was an even bigger crybaby.

    Overall though I don't like or try to hurt people in order to get revenge on the world, my hard exterior is the scar that those experiences left me, and I do not wish to inflict those scars on anyone else...

    I'm pretty sure the people from my childhood intended me to be the victim, they kind of beat the crap out of me because I was a loner, they always came around to tease me and whatnot but I always stayed silent because I was afraid of them as well as everyone else...maybe my face annoyed them or something?I never talked or looked at them enough to provoke them though.

    Maybe it kind of was my fault for letting all my fear/weakness show on the outside though.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freesia View Post
    Maybe they are so desperate to never be in the position of the victim again that they exert power over others so that they can ensure that this never happens again?
    Yes, they protect themselves by becoming the aggressor.

    Also, it's a kind of learned behavior; we tend to react in ways that we understand and don't react in ways we're not even aware are options. That's why kids model parental bad behaviors sometimes, even when they hated those behaviors; unless they have some other options modeled for them, the bad behavior is the most deeply dug course of behavior. When you actively present people options (verbally and by modeling said actions), then they realize they have implementable options.

    Some people aren't as strongly impacted by bad modeling, but mainly it's a matter of knowing you have practical options and knowing what those options are and feeling rewarded when you take the more positive ones.
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  7. #17
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    One possibility is that they are ashamed of their victimhood, maybe blaming themselves for what happened, and as such become angry at other victims because they see themselves in them and are enraged at themselves. They want to make EVERYONE tougher, in forceful, totally ineffective ways. This type must forgive themselves and form a more realistic model of responsibility for their past. Strength and weakness do not mean what they think those words do.

    Source: normally, I have dealt with bullying much like you, but fell into the above mindset just once. As brief as it was, I will always regret it.
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  8. #18
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Misty View Post
    One possibility is that they are ashamed of their victimhood, maybe blaming themselves for what happened, and as such become angry at other victims because they see themselves in them and are enraged at themselves. They want to make EVERYONE tougher, in forceful, totally ineffective ways. This type must forgive themselves and form a more realistic model of responsibility for their past. Strength and weakness do not mean what they think those words do.

    Source: normally, I have dealt with bullying much like you, but fell into the above mindset just once. As brief as it was, I will always regret it.
    Something I had to work on myself. I only recognised it when somebody tried to make me fit in with their group. Not something I am proud of either, but at least I woke up.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyLazarus View Post
    Yes I put on a facade to ward off people I'm afraid may hurt me but I never go out looking for fights in order to seem tough, mostly I just react sometimes whenever someone tries to hurt me or whatever.I don't really think I'm tough at all haha, but it's a role I play for the rest of the world, it's more of a survival thing than anything really.

    That facade certainly was not present when I was being bullied though, if it where, the bullying would have never occurred in the 1st place, took me years to build up this exterior, I was a lot more apt to showing my sensitivities to the public back then and that made me a very easy target.
    As hard as it may be to believe, as a child I was an even bigger crybaby.

    Overall though I don't like or try to hurt people in order to get revenge on the world, my hard exterior is the scar that those experiences left me, and I do not wish to inflict those scars on anyone else...

    I'm pretty sure the people from my childhood intended me to be the victim, they kind of beat the crap out of me because I was a loner, they always came around to tease me and whatnot but I always stayed silent because I was afraid of them as well as everyone else...maybe my face annoyed them or something?I never talked or looked at them enough to provoke them though.

    Maybe it kind of was my fault for letting all my fear/weakness show on the outside though.
    Oh yeah man, I've been there. I'd come home after a beating for no reason (I was quiet/alone), and my parents would always say stuff like: you have to carry yourself with more confidence/you just look like a target/you're a crybaby/fight back/etc. I was mystified, because I thought my behaviour was so low-profile and inoffensive, that I couldn't imagine it provoking hatred from other kids. I didn't really have the skills to twist my image/create a facade at that age though, and I was pretty useless physically. As I approached adolescence, I started getting the "faggot" treatment. I just abandoned my locker so bullies wouldn't know where to find me. A popular girl once fake dated me for a while, just as a joke/dare.

    Eventually I figured out the hard facade thing. For one year (grade 8), I became something of a minor bully. I had grown 7 inches over the summer, and had learned the art of insults, so while I didn't go looking for trouble, if someone started it I gave it back to him really bad. I once chased a bully down a hallway, berating him at the top of my lungs, plunging dagger after dagger into his heart. He kept trying to shove me and call me faggot, but I was too on point, and people knew I was winning, so he ran off crying. I felt terrible. It's really not a fulfilling way to act, and after that day, really softened up. It definitely left a mark on soul though.

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