Why are people afraid to ask for things?

[Tellenbach]

no i'm not talking about favors, i'm talking about burittos and wanting a bite

To me, that's a favor. If someone does something for you or gives you something (even if you asked) when they didn't have to, that's considered a favor.

 

[prplchknz]

To me, that's a favor. If someone does something for you or gives you something (even if you asked) when they didn't have to, that's considered a favor.

so wait, if you give me a bite of food, i have to at a later date give you a bite of food? what if you're hit by a bus, do I have to leave a bite of sandwich at your grave?

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

I can't speak for everyone, but I have not asked for many things I want. It's because I hate feeling like I am in anyone's debt. I like being in the black socially.

 

[Tellenbach]

so wait, if you give me a bite of food, i have to at a later date give you a bite of food?

No, but if I ask you for a favor at a later date, you might feel more obliged because you ate my burrito. Btw, restaurants take advantage of this feeling of indebtedness by giving people mints. Restaurants that give mints get about a 10% increase in tips, because the patrons don't want to feel indebted to them.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

so wait, if you give me a bite of food, i have to at a later date give you a bite of food? what if you're hit by a bus, do I have to leave a bite of sandwich at your grave?

You're thinking about it far too formally. It's the possibility of indebtedness. Sure, most people who give you a bite of a burrito are going to forget it the next day. But you you can avoid the chance altogether by not having the bite.

 

[prplchknz]

No, but if I ask you for a favor at a later date, you might feel more obliged because you ate my burrito. Btw, restaurants take advantage of this feeling of indebtedness by giving people mints. Restaurants that give mints get about a 10% increase in tips, because the patrons don't want to feel indebted to them.

but i'm always willing to commit favors, if I like you. and if i asked for a bite of your burrito it means i like you, because i'm taking the time to spend time with you and talk to you

 

[prplchknz]

You're thinking about it far too formally. It's the possibility of indebtedness. Sure, most people who give you a bite of a burrito are going to forget it the next day. But you you can avoid the chance altogether by not having the bite.

but if i only want a bite, and i buy a whole burrito then i'll have to throw most of it out. i think i'll risk it.

 

[Coriolis]

For me, I have a lot of trouble asking people for things, and it's because I'm afraid of them saying no (quite irrational, I can't explain why I'm so afraid of hearing the word no) or out of fear that I'll just annoy them if I ask.

If you don't ask, you are already telling yourself "no". Better to let the other person do it if it is going to happen; it's probably their job, after all.

 

[Ozones]

OP, you ask people for things? Damn the cajones on this one

 

[prplchknz]

i'm confused. this whole thread is confusing. i give up. so i shouldn't ask for things?

 

[five sounds]

i don't fear people saying no as much as i fear them saying yes and actually being put out or annoyed by it. wish people would just say what they mean so i didn't have to worry about that kinda stuff.

 

[five sounds]

i'm confused. this whole thread is confusing. i give up. so i shouldn't ask for things?

you should ask for things.

but sometimes people don't, and i think people are just giving reasons why.

also, that's a really broad concept, Asking For Things. i think there's a lot of gray in there. so i dunno, you shouldn't not ask for things, but you shouldn't ask for everything.

...is my two cents

 

[prplchknz]

you should ask for things.

but sometimes people don't, and i think people are just giving reasons why.

also, that's a really broad concept, Asking For Things. i think there's a lot of gray in there. so i dunno, you shouldn't not ask for things, but you shouldn't ask for everything.

...is my two cents

I don't ask for everything.

 

[five sounds]

I don't ask for everything.

then keep asking for things.

 

[prplchknz]

then keep asking for things.

but people are saying I shouldn't. and If i do i owe them. so do i owe them? have I been an unintentional asshole all these years?

 

[five sounds]

but people are saying I shouldn't. and If i do i owe them. so do i owe them? have I been an unintentional asshole all these years?

naw man. if people don't want to give you something, they should say no. but i also think that you should give people things when they ask when you want to/can to balance everything out.

 

[prplchknz]

you should give people things when they ask when you want to/can to balance everything out.

that's what i've been doing

 

[five sounds]

that's what i've been doing

perfect! problem solved.

fuck all y'all haters.

(note: i haven't really read this thread. i probably don't mean 'fuck you' to anyone specifically )

 

[Opal]

lol, I think give and take is healthy and ultimately the purpose of relationships. I'm not really the whimsical type, so unless I was courting someone or wanted to make them feel helpful I wouldn't ask them for something like a makeshift trophy, but if you have a crafty/creative friend doing so seems like it would bring you closer together.

I guess what I'm getting at is that, beyond friendship, connection, and occasionally collaboration, there isn't much someone else could get me that I couldn't get myself.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

but people are saying I shouldn't. and If i do i owe them. so do i owe them? have I been an unintentional asshole all these years?

No one is saying you shouldn't ask for things, or that you owe anyone if you do. People are answering the question in title of your thread, which is "Why are people afraid to ask for things?" It's not the same.