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  1. #41
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    No one is saying you shouldn't ask for things, or that you owe anyone if you do. People are answering the question in title of your thread, which is "Why are people afraid to ask for things?" It's not the same.
    oh then nevermind
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  2. #42
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by solipsists View Post
    lol, I think give and take is healthy and ultimately the purpose of relationships. I'm not really the whimsical type, so unless I was courting someone or wanted to make them feel helpful I wouldn't ask them for something like a makeshift trophy, but if you have a crafty/creative friend doing so seems like it would bring you closer together.

    I guess what I'm getting at is that, beyond friendship, connection, and occasionally collaboration, there isn't much someone else could get me that I couldn't get myself.
    considering we live together, I hope I know her. I also asked when I was extremely hyper. Probably wouldn't have asked when I wasn't
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  3. #43
    Senior Member Ghost's Avatar
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    For me, it's a lot of the stuff mentioned: insecurity, fear of rejection, feeling obligated. I also feel like I should be able to handle things myself. I'll get my own burrito!

    Asking for stuff feels vulnerable. I pictured myself as a herd animal. If I ask for help or a favor, it's the equivalent of me limping behind the herd. Now I'm an easier target. It's irrational and weird now that I think about it...

    If you ask for things and people give them to you, I don't see a problem. It's been working, right? It doesn't feel natural for me, so it doesn't occur to me to give it a try. Same for apologizing.

  4. #44
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost View Post
    For me, it's a lot of the stuff mentioned: insecurity, fear of rejection, feeling obligated. I also feel like I should be able to handle things myself. I'll get my own burrito!

    Asking for stuff feels vulnerable. I pictured myself as a herd animal. If I ask for help or a favor, it's the equivalent of me limping behind the herd. Now I'm an easier target. It's irrational and weird now that I think about it...

    If you ask for things and people give them to you, I don't see a problem. It's been working, right? It doesn't feel natural for me, so it doesn't occur to me to give it a try. Same for apologizing.
    yeah but, people also give me stuff even when I don't ask.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #45
    Senior Member Ghost's Avatar
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    It's a trap!

  6. #46
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost View Post
    It's a trap!
    it is?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    it is?
    I doubt it.

    When someone gives me things I didn't ask for, I think it's because I'm lucky. Or I think, "I'm an awesome person. Of course you're giving me things." I might get confused and wonder if it's my birthday or a national holiday, though.

  8. #48
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ghost View Post

    When someone gives me things I didn't ask for, I think it's because I'm lucky. Or I think, "I'm an awesome person. Of course you're giving me things." I might get confused and wonder if it's my birthday or a national holiday, though.
    I don't I just assume they don't want whatever they're giving me
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    i don't fear people saying no as much as i fear them saying yes and actually being put out or annoyed by it. wish people would just say what they mean so i didn't have to worry about that kinda stuff.
    Don't ask for the source, but statistically, people view you more favorably having done you favors.

    You could speculate on it a bit, perhaps it is an ego thing, fulfillment of being needed?

    I know I go out of my way to help people out, it truly is a drug-type high, knowing I facilitated some sort of ease for another.

  10. #50
    Ginkgo
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    Maybe because they maintain a value for self-sufficiency which stems from a feeling of not being good enough.

    Or because they value having a laissez faire attitude and believe that simple requests are a means to control.

    Maybe, if they hold a sense of fairness, then they would be reluctant to ask because they would then feel obliged to reciprocate. They would feel they couldn't afford it.

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