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  1. #1
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    Default Easily bored with people/having high standards

    The SX/SP usually wants some kind of ideal qualities in other people and the realities of these other people's flaws is sometimes difficult for the variant to handle.
    748, 784
    The Messenger, the reactive 7
    The darkest Sevens, often mistyped. Arrogant, individualistic, very concerned with their independence – want to be free in order to fulfill their visions and dreams. They like to be thought of as original, and can be proud of being misunderstood (but since they're core Sevens, they care much less for their image than Fours do). Might be very inconsiderate and quickly bored with people. I think they don't like descriptions which present 7s as very positive, friendly, happy-go-lucky and gregarious.
    So I have a combination of this stuff going on. I have high standards for the people I'm around and at the same time I get easily bored with people. I see people like these objects that amuse me for awhile but then their negative qualities start to annoy me so I drop them. What would be the solution to this if there is one?

  2. #2
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    lower your standards for others, and even then don't expect them to meet them. because unless they can read your mind they're not going to know. and you can't tell them because that's going to drive them away. And perhaps you expect them to fail so subconsciously you're focusing on the negative qualities. so pretty much my suggestion to you is to lower your standards and consciously focus on the positive.


    also why are you bored with people? like is it the content, the amount they're talking, what?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    lower your standards for others, and even then don't expect them to meet them. because unless they can read your mind they're not going to know. and you can't tell them because that's going to drive them away. And perhaps you expect them to fail so subconsciously you're focusing on the negative qualities. so pretty much my suggestion to you is to lower your standards and consciously focus on the positive.


    also why are you bored with people? like is it the content, the amount they're talking, what?
    I don't know how to lower standards and I wouldn't even if I could. I only move forward.

    Well I get annoyed with them when they start trying to make me do things I don't want to do. Like they are imposing their shitty personality on me. Or if I find out later all the retarded beliefs they have and all I can see is how it's all wrong and they are an idiot. I can't be around someone I don't respect and as soon as it's not fun anymore I'm out of there.

  4. #4
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by badger055 View Post
    So I have a combination of this stuff going on. I have high standards for the people I'm around and at the same time I get easily bored with people. I see people like these objects that amuse me for awhile but then their negative qualities start to annoy me so I drop them. What would be the solution to this if there is one?
    (1) Recognize your own humanity lack of perfection. We are all human. We all bleed the same color. Everybody's shit smells bad. We will all rot in the ground when we die.

    (2) Pray that other people don't have high standards for you and then get easily bored with you, Wear the other shoe. Sucks, doesn't it? So don't do it.

    (3) People will live up to your lowest expectation of them. Give other people a chance if you wish to be given a chance by others. Yes, it's true that a first impression is formed within 2 minutes of meeting a person, and if for some reason that first impression didn't go well (maybe the person was simply having a bad day) that it takes approximately one-year of consistent performance at or above reasonable expectations for that first impression to be unseated. So, think about that. Every time you cast someone as boring you essentially are missing out on the opportunity to realize their best potential for about a year, because you've written them off. The same goes for you. If you are perceived as a flippant, judgemental person - others will dismiss you.
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  5. #5
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    (1) Recognize your own humanity lack of perfection. We are all human. We all bleed the same color. Everybody's shit smells bad. We will all rot in the ground when we die.

    (2) Pray that other people don't have high standards for you and then get easily bored with you, Wear the other shoe. Sucks, doesn't it? So don't do it.

    (3) People will live up to your lowest expectation of them. Give other people a chance if you wish to be given a chance by others. Yes, it's true that a first impression is formed within 2 minutes of meeting a person, and if for some reason that first impression didn't go well (maybe the person was simply having a bad day) that it takes approximately one-year of consistent performance at or above reasonable expectations for that first impression to be unseated. So, think about that. Every time you cast someone as boring you essentially are missing out on the opportunity to realize their best potential for about a year, because you've written them off. The same goes for you. If you are perceived as a flippant, judgemental person - others will dismiss you.
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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    (1) Recognize your own humanity lack of perfection. We are all human. We all bleed the same color. Everybody's shit smells bad. We will all rot in the ground when we die.

    (2) Pray that other people don't have high standards for you and then get easily bored with you, Wear the other shoe. Sucks, doesn't it? So don't do it.

    (3) People will live up to your lowest expectation of them. Give other people a chance if you wish to be given a chance by others. Yes, it's true that a first impression is formed within 2 minutes of meeting a person, and if for some reason that first impression didn't go well (maybe the person was simply having a bad day) that it takes approximately one-year of consistent performance at or above reasonable expectations for that first impression to be unseated. So, think about that. Every time you cast someone as boring you essentially are missing out on the opportunity to realize their best potential for about a year, because you've written them off. The same goes for you. If you are perceived as a flippant, judgemental person - others will dismiss you.
    If holding hands and singing kumbaya is the answer then fuck it I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Stories are only good if they have a bad guy and somebody needs to be the bad guy.

  7. #7
    WhoCares
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    Its interesting you should say this because I am sx/sp variant and have a similar tritype (548). My relationships have been characterised by me doing as you describe, discarding people once they disappoint me and become liabilities. I have done this to every boyfriend and every platonic friend as well.

    The problem for me is core belief that I will find that perfect Person who meets all my standards and doesn't disappoint me. When you believe you will find it eventually it makes discarding anyone who doesn't quite measure up very easy and justifable. Being an sx/sp variant I have no patience for maintaining a series of 'light' relationships, they serve no purpose in my psyche. You are either my bff or you are no-one to me.

    Personally I believe the 4 drives this, the sense that because I am a special little snowflake, regular people just aren't good enough. You have to be a special little snowflake too, one of the chosen few. So life becomes a scanning exercise where I test the intensity of others in order to see if they have that required stuff.

    One thing that is helping me though is to shift my perspective from the micro (focusing on finding the one or two intense individuals just made for me) to the macro (seeing people from the species perspective). By looking at people in much the same way as I view cats for example (a largely homogenous group with shared physical charactistics and behaviours but each one having their own personality) I begin to see humanity as just another animal. Albeit one with more neurosis than most. This has the effect of depersonalising the bad shit that people carry on with and I can more easily overlook it as being something playing out rather than being a fatal flaw in that person.

    The need for specialness (4) coupled with the desire for intensity in relationships (sx) gives me a tendency to pick people apart so I can discard them and continue on my holy grail quest for the 'one'. It gives me a certain intolerance for anyone who falls outside the ideal and also a greater weight in judgement on things which most people would overlook.

  8. #8
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by badger055 View Post
    So I have a combination of this stuff going on. I have high standards for the people I'm around and at the same time I get easily bored with people. I see people like these objects that amuse me for awhile but then their negative qualities start to annoy me so I drop them. What would be the solution to this if there is one?
    I might agree with you, except that I don't spend all that much time around general assortments of people. The way I look at it, the world is full of all kinds of people. I don't have to be friends with or even like the vast majority - just need to be courteous/professional so we can interact productively then go our separate ways. Those people who do hold my interest (and presumably, I hold theirs) are those who do become my friends.

    In terms of passing interactions, I tend to focus on the encounter at hand, without expectations for the future. That really lowers my threshold for satisfaction. Often there is something of interest, or at least something I can learn, from most people in the brief time we cross each other's path. When I focus on getting to that, it doesn't matter that we are not destined for some longer-term relationship, or have fundamentally divergent interests.

    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    (2) Pray that other people don't have high standards for you and then get easily bored with you, Wear the other shoe. Sucks, doesn't it? So don't do it.
    Actually I am sure that many people find me boring, or otherwise not meeting their standards. That doesn't bother me at all, for the reason stated above. All I expect as a default is common courtesy, and of course I do my best to provide the same.

    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    (3) People will live up to your lowest expectation of them. Give other people a chance if you wish to be given a chance by others. Yes, it's true that a first impression is formed within 2 minutes of meeting a person, and if for some reason that first impression didn't go well (maybe the person was simply having a bad day) that it takes approximately one-year of consistent performance at or above reasonable expectations for that first impression to be unseated. So, think about that. Every time you cast someone as boring you essentially are missing out on the opportunity to realize their best potential for about a year, because you've written them off. The same goes for you. If you are perceived as a flippant, judgemental person - others will dismiss you.
    I have seen many similar comments about first impressions. Since I know my own first impressions of people are often wrong, I have learned not to place much stock in them, and to look carefully at the second, third, and subsequent encounters with the person to correct it. I have made some of my best friends this way.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhoCares View Post
    discarding people once they disappoint me and become liabilities. I have done this to every boyfriend and every platonic friend as well.
    Hello person who is me in an alternate reality.

    The problem for me is core belief that I will find that perfect Person who meets all my standards and doesn't disappoint me. When you believe you will find it eventually it makes discarding anyone who doesn't quite measure up very easy and justifable. Being an sx/sp variant I have no patience for maintaining a series of 'light' relationships, they serve no purpose in my psyche. You are either my bff or you are no-one to me.

    Personally I believe the 4 drives this, the sense that because I am a special little snowflake, regular people just aren't good enough. You have to be a special little snowflake too, one of the chosen few. So life becomes a scanning exercise where I test the intensity of others in order to see if they have that required stuff.
    It's true I despise regular people and people who portray themselves as regular. Just saying that you are different or special from other people helps earn my respect. I guess it's like I'm looking for people who are one of my own. It's like a secret club and people know when they are in it. So I spend my time searching for them and I test them to see if they are part of it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    or have fundamentally divergent interests.
    That reminds me of another problem. My interests move around faster than that guy from jumper. So if I make friends with someone on one of my current interests then when I decide to do something completely different they can't follow me.

  10. #10
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    In terms of passing interactions, I tend to focus on the encounter at hand, without expectations for the future.
    Yeah, I do believe that's the key.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

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