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Thread: Honesty

  1. #1
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Default Honesty

    Do you feel you are able to look at yourself/your life at least somewhat objectively? Are you honest with yourself? Or is it more something you struggle with (or don't really think about)?

    As I've gotten older I've definitely come to see the importance of self-honesty. It seems it is easy to err to one side or the other, viewing yourself as either not needing to change, perfect exactly how you are, or viewing yourself as always at fault or almost helpless in a given situation.

    And I can sort of see why we do it. These self-perceptions are familiar and safe... thought patterns that reinforce a current position. And maybe it's easier to see ourselves as a victim or as a really happy person or as someone who isn't good at x/y/z or whatever...

    But I guess you get to a point where that is no longer working out and you are almost forced to really be painfully honest with yourself, that you wish things were maybe different. Starting with this better, more accurate picture of yourself and how things currently are, allows you to actually move to where you'd rather be. I also think though, maybe as you get better and better at it, then you don't have to get to that painfully honest point. Just sort of assess as you go along.

    Anyway, just some random thoughts. Do you make any special efforts to try to incorporate more objectivity? If so, what?
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    Senior Member Alea_iacta_est's Avatar
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    I try to be as self-honest as possible, but I do let a bit of excess confidence slip in a good deal of the time when it might be a little undeserved. I don't really have to make special efforts, I just already see myself as exactly who I am. I'm much more focused on what I'm going to be rather than who I am now however, so that might alleviate some painful self-honesty, as I see it less as a flaw but more of a need of improvement.

    I find that the easiest way to be completely self-honest with yourself is to calculate how others perceive you and adopt that as your honest expressive identity. However, internal objectivity and introspection requires a much higher level of self-awareness then I think possible of a human being.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alea_iacta_est View Post
    I find that the easiest way to be completely self-honest with yourself is to calculate how others perceive you and adopt that as your honest expressive identity. However, internal objectivity and introspection requires a much higher level of self-awareness then I think possible of a human being.
    yeah i kind of agree with you. a third party is invaluable when trying to honestly assess yourself. hopefully multiple third parties. just gotta make sure your filter's on good and tight. take it for what it is, an outside observation, and factor it in to everything else you know about yourself. rinse. repeat.
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  4. #4
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    Yeah, I think I know myself pretty well. I work at it by trusting the perceptions others who are close to me have of me at a level close to the perceptions I have of myself. I have to keep an open mind.

  5. #5
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    My mind is like rock. Rock doesn't lie. It is sculpted into beautiful statues.

    Seriously, I'm pretty good about reconciling my self against whatever becomes evident, for example, when I am rude.

    It is something I take note of frequently...

    "Let a wise man watch his thinking. The mind moves with extreme subtlety and is not noticed. It seizes whatever it desires. To watch the mind is conducive to happiness."

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    It's a skill that I'm always learning. I'm one of those people who tend to think to worst of myself, so it's been nearly all roses the more I'm willing to be objective.

    I guess I try to look at myself through the eyes of other people while also keeping in mind who the other person is. By that I mean, it's not a process where I'm trying to please, just gather information.

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    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I try to be dishonest sometimes, then I'm like no! or I get delusional about something and can't see the truth until after the fact. or I think something about someone that makes me think something else about myself and I later realize that's not true at all. so yes I appear honest, but sometimes I'm not. But i'm not intentially dishonest. if that makes sense. it does because i say it does. no questions
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    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

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    Effectively, I can not lie to myself. Thus, I'm really self-honest. Lie to others? Oh that's easy as pie. Myself though? Nope. Once I become aware of something that is true (good or bad), it will eat at me endlessly until I accept it. I can outwardly reject it and show it to other people that way, but that doesn't mean I don't feel that way. It's useful in that I will face issues/flaws with myself and be able to go about dealing wit them as needed. It's bad when I am faced with something I really don't want to be true, and it really really hurts.

    But, just because I realize something with myself that I thinks is true, doesn't make it true. So errors can and do happen.
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    A person's capacity to be honest is directly proportionate to his capacity to be honest with himself... And honesty ... is for massochists. Truth is not necessarily honesty. Truth is constant. And for a person to be honest with themselves, they need time in order to see the truth (their true selves). Because you can not see "constant" in a "moment". That makes no sense and won't work as it is illogical. So the equation to our truth (objective perception of self), is solved through the accumulation of knowledge + experience + time = ......
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).

  10. #10
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    I feel like for the most part I tend to be hard on myself, but my struggles with self-honestly are these two: first, blind spots, and second, emotional affect.

    The first I try to address by asking the opinions of those close to me that I trust, but sometimes it is so embarrassing to have someone point something out to you that you didn't realize. It's almost as if you can live in a safe, happy bubble before they do... then suddenly pop! I had a heavy dose of it when I stepped up to manage for a short transitional period at work and people started telling me a lot about what I was like that I didn't realize. I've definitely come to accept it better and even like it somewhat. They tell me I have an "are you stupid?" face (I believe that) and that they can always tell how I'm feeling about something with my facial expression. Which is fine with me, because I'm pretty certain about my feelings, just not my actions. So to some extent that's all about being comfortable with who I am even if it's not the prettiest or most elegant image I envisioned.

    The second one is much trickier... it's very, very hard for me to be objective when I'm in a big emotional downswing, whether that be anger or sadness. I'm planning on talking to a therapist once I get my insurance sorted out to maybe do some CBT and try to help me with this, because I just seem to lose all footing when I'm in those emotional places, and I tend to rely on the stable people around me to help me, which isn't good for me and isn't fair for them.

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